POC LOH!

Yes, 1month and 3weeks have flown by. Today, my leave has officially ended. For the next 10days, I'll be having off that is given by my BMTC SCH 2 Company, RAVEN Coy. 14days BLOCK LEAVE! EAT THAT!

YAY! BMT is finally over. I dont hate BMT, but its just dont like. Who likes to be in prison, grounded or confined to regimentation? I like my Platoon people, my section mates, my buddy, my sergeants, commanders, officers. Just dont like the life and training that has to be done there. ACS has a different meaning now. Its now Anglo-Chinese School, its Area Cleaning Specialist :)

I Thank God for His provident for the time I spent in Tekong. I can say from the bottom of my heart that I'm truely Blessed. Thank you Lord.

While in BMT I have thought about a person alot. Dreamt about her, thought about her, wondered what she might be doing, prayed about her. I spent quite a bit of my free time doing just that. Right now, I'm still thinking about her. I dont know why the sudden surge of feelings. I quite sure that she is really the one. BUT, i dont know. Thing dont seem right. I hope the Lord show me how, show me the way to her heart.

Dear girl I know you dont know who you are and I pray that you would be the one I build my home with...

Just before I go...

Yes, I'm feeling damn sad that I'm going into NS now. Its feels like I'm going away. Feels a little like I'm going into prison, to somewhere where I have no freedom. I cant decide to take a spin at 2am in the morn. I cant go for late night supper with my friends as and when I want to, I cant just stay up late because I want to, I cant really do what I love to do cause I'm in NS.

I quite love the life I have. Doing camps, staying up late, playing computer games hanging out with friends. I miss dear O'Jonny, the late nights we have going out supper or just hanging out with anyone. I miss my friends, everyone of them.

My old fears are beginning to surface again. When I enter in to army, I'll have new friends in my company, platoon, section. It not that I dont like to make new friends, but I'm more worried about not being able to maintain those friendships. I'm already regretting not being able to meet up with my colleague at my short stint working for Melon during the book fair. Worst still not being able to meet some of my poly friends.

Sometimes I find myself an introvert. I can be out with someone but I stay very very quiet. but I'm a natural extrovert, so this feeling is comforting yet awkward for me. I dont know myself very well now at this very moment, like I'm losing it.

People may ask me how am I? Am I over her? I dare say yes. But I dont know. there are still alot of mixed feelings within me. Till now I guess I'm still not over her, I'm lying to myself and to the people around me. I want to be over her, but I just dont know how and I just cant. "you xin wu li" I hate it.

I really wanna have a girlfriend. Not cause everyone is in a relationship so I wanna be in one too, but I wanna like plan my life and settle down. Too early to say that ya? but I really do feel like that. To have that one to hold and to love, to go through life together, be it in good times or bad, for better or for worse, in health or in sickness, for richer or for poor, till death do us part.

I wanna raise a Godly family. be a role model for others. Guiding and helping others as a family of God. To raise Godly children, children that will do the work of God.

It feels like life is ending and I'm writing my will, things that I wanna do. Well, I guess its true, this life of fun is ending, slacking days are over.

There are so many things I wanna do. There are so many things I wanna achieve. There are so many things that I wanna get.

Where have I placed you Lord? I really need you now more than ever.

When you're gone

I wanted to write a song like this, but I guess one of my favourite artist has written one even better. This is Avril's "When you're gone". Moved me to tears when I watched the MTV. Its so beautiful, and so real. The words are exactly the same I penned without melody. Its playing on my music player, have a listen. Tell me if you cried, cause I did.


When you're gone
Artist: Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you


I'm over you.

Retreat!

The YA retreat ended just 2 days ago and I'm still in the mood. Lazing around and hanging out. Playing Xbox360 at my best friend's place, supper with friends. That's the problem when you have no work, you spend. damn.

The retreat I hope was a success, I mean people came and told me that it was good but I hope it did good in people's heart and God was pleased with it.

On Friday, I had to print out everything that was needed for the retreat and William helped me to settle them. Shaun, Yang, Joel and myself then went to ShengXiong to buy snacks and household products that was needed. We were done about 4pm and left church at 4.30pm to ALOHA CHANGI YACHT CLUB BUNGALOW B.

The place that we had our retreat was really old and truth be told when first opened up and went in I was scared. Its so retro that I had problem identifying with the place. Its scary cause it looked like some haunted house that you see in local dramas and the toilets are so huge it reminds me of the toilets from 'SAW'.

After trying to make the place look and feel like home, Joel, Shaun and I went to get dinner. We bought coils and repellents as there were lots of mosquitoes there. The speaker was on time and there were people coming in for the night session. Well, the night session was scheduled at 7.30pm but I think we started at about 8pm. As usual, the YA are late. The speaker, Ps Jacob Cheng was really good. He was very specific about his message and I really learned a lot.

After the session, we started playing board games and card games. Though I was sick and was supposed to sleep, I stayed up and played Loot with the funny people. Shaun, Ben, Jiawei and Ryan. It was super crazy, we played till 5am!

Woke up the next day at about 9.30am. Thanks to William who help made Milo for everyone. This time round speaker and people were on time. At 10.30am sharp we started with session 2. His words were again very inspiring, his testimonies and stories told us how great our God is. He left this words imprinted in my heart.

If there are people queuing for your church sermon, your Precher/Pastor must be very good.

If there are people queuing for your worship service, your Worship team must be very good.

But if there are people queuing up to attending your church prayer meeting, then your JESUS must be very good.

After I heard that I was stunned. These words kept coming to me even after the session. Pastor Edwin and Henry wanted to give us time to do our devotion/reflection hence they offered to get lunch for us. They bought nasi lemak and otah for everyone. It was very good.

After lunch some carried on playing board games and card games while others hang around. There were some other people who came in the afternoon to join us. At about 3.30pm we watched a show titled, FACING THE GIANTS. It was a very good show. Touching and inspiring. Really inspire me to be a teacher/coach not in the classroom type but outside the classroom.

William, Joel and Praba then went to get dinner for us. It was a sumptuous meal. After dinner Praba's family left with Val, Pam and Ben. Ryan,William and Andrew WX went to watch football. So only a few of us were left. The few of us; Jacob, Glenda, Lydia, Clarence, Joel, Yingqi and myself. Alvin Goh, came to find us and we decided to go out for some sorta supper and we ended up at downtown east Macs. I think I got high there, talking rubbish and laughing at nonsensical stuffs. High from lack of sleep, nugget, ice cream, ice lemon tea.

We went back about 12am and played some rounds of games then I had to pack up the place a little so that it'll be easier the next morning. As there were very little people left, William canceled the bus that was hired and it saved us $50.

We checked out promptly at 9.45am the next day and everything went very smoothly.

I liked to thank many people and God for this Retreat. Thank God for good speaker, for good money management, for good weather, for favour, for friends. Thank you friends like William, Shaun , Yang, Joel, Lydia, Glenda, Jacob who help with some operations of the Retreat. And the rest of the young adults who came for the retreat, thank you for making it possible and cause you came, there was a retreat! THANK YOU ALL!

Friendship

I'm just thinking of this cause somehow I seem to be losing people around me. Relationship of this level can be a shallow or a deep relationship.

I love hanging out with my friends. Really any group of them. Be it my secondary school neighbourhood people, Camp High Achievers (that one time at Loof was smashing!), church mates - they are all that I enjoy being out with.

Now it has come to a point that I meet many new people, but I lose many new found friends. Why? cause they come and go. I meet them at work and lose them after the work. No follow up, no other hanging out time. People from school, eg: Zhangde Pri, New Town Sec, Temasek Poly. I will lose contact once school is out. I feel sad. Sad that the life span of our friendship is only this much.

Lives that I might have impacted (esp those secondary schools that I was the camp instructor for) I wanna keep the relationship going. Being there for them if they need help.

National Service robs me of my best buddy. But friendship this deep is hard to break, just that it might sometimes fade away. National service also robs me of people that used to have lots of time to hang out together.

I sometimes imagine, what if I were to have a party say for my 21st Birthday. How big a group will it be? For family and friends... who will be on the guest list? who will I invite?

I have many groups of friends. I like to have more than just a superficial level of friendship with each of them. If time permits, if money permits.

To my friends of 20 years: Thank you for always being there for me. You guys have always been simply the best.

Just browsing...

I'm a sucker for beauty... and its hard not to be attracted. Working with Camp HA has given me an opportunity to meet many new people, colleagues as well as students.

I realised that I'm attracted to the extremes. I like both the soft and loud type of girls. Yup that means the 'gu niang', princessy type of girls as well as the sporty, and daring type of girls. So far the only thing they have in common is their eyes. I like girls who have eyes that can speak. Eyes that portrays emotions. Facial expressions that tells you how they feel. Is there a girl who possesses all 3 qualities? =P

Quote from a FEMALE colleague, "Eh instructor aLvin, every camp I always see you with girls sitting around you one leh."

I dont know her intention was to 'praise' me or 'suan' me. But she's a good friend of mine, I hope it was the first intention and not the latter. =)

But I guess I'll always be a girl's best friend, not a girl's boyfriend. But I hope there will come a time that this statement changes a bit. I love pretty girls. I do, I do, I dooooooo.

So she sailed away...

Yup, Rae's left for England last night at 2325hr. Not just her but the WHOLE family. There was a huge crowd at the airport. Really HUGE! so huge that we blocked up the entrance to the check in area. and there was quite a bit of tears flowing here and there. ok, maybe a bit is quite an understatement but yea I think you could kinda get a rough idea.

and on the side note, I smelt her scent today. am I missing her? maybe. Do I still love her? ya, think so. Enough for her to run back to me, enough to let her go and accept another.

Secret - 不能說的秘密

I went to watch this show with my polytechnic friends last night. Well, I do have a biased opinion cause I am a fan of Jay Chou, but in truth this is a really very nice and sweet story if you take it at face value.

True there are many loopholes in the storyline, many areas where we can question and find fault with, but he's only human. To think that he came up with the whole story, compose the soundtracks and then direct the movie, how's that for a 28 year old brain.

Well, this story is pretty nice, good angle for shots. The way things move around the screen, CGIs, all these details were very well thought of. I really like it so much I could probably watch it a second time.

I am reminded of my good friend, Andrew. I wonder if he would be like Jay Chou one day. They are very similar in quite a number of ways. Perhaps just the amount of talents God implanted into each of them.

Well, this show has definitely made me more determined to learn piano. Learning classical pieces and then putting them into pop/rock culture. Man, Lord I wish I could do something like that too.

I wanna get the soundtrack and DVD too!

Loof

Last night the 14 people from Camp HA gathered at Loof for a time of fun, laughter and DRINKING!

Loof is located at Odeon Towers Extension Rooftop, 331 North Bridge Road #03-07. Loof is a bar on a roof, a playfully versatile space which is multidimensional, split-level, and a juxtaposition of raw against refined. loof is designed as a refuge for the bedraggled office worker, a respite for the brilliant mind, a sanctuary for fools, a canvas for the budding artist and the launch pad for a brilliant night.
(http://e-clubbing.com/Reviews-req-showcontent-id-66.html)

Its a nice place with good views where it is located. Its simple yet nice and cosy. There are open space area, 'Caged' seat, 'Bedroom' seats and Lounge area.

I had a Kilkenny to start the session. After I had downed my Kilkenny, they decided to open a bottle of Belvedere Vodka. This is one of the best Vodka I've ever drank. Its so smooth you dont feel your throat or stomach burning. Its just smooth and you feel high cause of the quick shot taken. Wonderful! Loved it totally.

With the bottles in drinking games started. Its was damn fun. We finished the alcohol so fast that we had to order 2 more jugs of Whiskey Dry. Its was damn fun night of playing and talking and telling true stories of the bad things anyone has done. =)

I think drink driving is bad. I was so sleepy from the influence of alcohol that I had to switch on the radio quite loud to keep me awake. But it was quite a fun experience. I wasn't drunk nor high nor having a headache, so I managed to drive properly and safely home. Its just the feel of a heavy sleepy head that I dont like when I'm driving. But other than that, it was alright.

This is fun, hope we get to hang out more often!

Dreams...

Well, Yes I've met Don Moen's drummer, Carl Albrecht. Carl has been a professional drummer and percussionist for over 30 years. He has a Bachelors of Music Degree in Composition and Arranging with an emphasis on percussion studies from Webster University in St. Louis, Mo. He has played on over 80 Integrity Music projects.

Carl has worked with such artist as Ron Kenoly, Don Moen, Paul Baloche, Lenny Le Blanc, Bob Fitts, Paul Wilbur, Alvin Slaughter, Darrell Evans, LeAnn Rimes, etc.
(http://www.carlalbrecht.com)

He was in Singapore for the Festival of Praise (3-5 Aug 07) with the Don Moen team and wanted to share some of his experience as a drummer in a worship band to the youth and drummers in Singapore. Thank God for Auntie Chris who had the contact for such a important event and Nigel, drum resource's boss for organising the whole event.

The first thing I've heard Carl shared was this. "Let me encourage those who are thinking of pursuing their studies in this area continue to do so" I was wondering if God was using him to tell me, dude, just serve your NS, dont worry about your study plan.

But more than just that, Carl taught us about double stroke, how it actually works, tunning, how you hit a cymbal properly, some training tips. He really told us steps he used to be a great drummer. Thank God for him. He is really a humble guy. No airs, nothing. I got him to sign on my TAMA sticks. =D

So now, I'm really thinking of studying my Sound engineering at SAE and then take a second degree in Composition and Arranging with an emphasis on percussion.

I went to the FOP last night. I was really very excited about it and in all truth be told, it wasn't that great. I rather have Hillsongs lead us in worship, rather than the concert style that Delirious? did. ok, they did lead us in worship in Our God Reigns, but I dont know why, it wasn't as impactful. Don Moen was sick, could hear the flu from his voice. But his team did great. leading the congregation in worship.

Well, if there were some things that I've taken home with me it would be that there must be passion in what we do. Passion = Fire. Some analogy used was like a BBQ. If there is no fire, the steak and sausages wont smell good. If there is no fire under the altar, the incense is merely dust. But with fire, sweet smell of incense rises up and fill the tabernacle with sweet aroma.

Secondly we have to give room for God. God doesn't want to just come and go. He wanna stay. We gotta give that room. A time to meet Him, to know Him. We must make that room out of what ever time we have.

Lastly, I felt the burden of Uniting Singapore in Worship. I mean it might seem like a 'I wanna be great and do this kinda thing' thing using God's name. But I really would like to see the nation unite in worship. In one voice singing songs of praises to Him. Its my dream now. To see the world uniting in worship. no stage nothing, as long as there is a team to lead the congregation to keep on singing. Pray I might be used mightily for God. Not in my own ways, but in ways that is according to His will.

Flea Market

WOW, I never knew that a flea market could make so much money, or rather any carnival. Think my stall did pretty well, cept for the fact that we prepared a far too small portion. Well, at least we were the fastest moving counter. We sold home-made salsa sauce(made by clare, cass, vin)with nachos / potato salad (clare, cass) / fishballs (from Defu Lane) / soup and garlic bread (silas).

I think seriously I can set up a cafe with cass and clare if he wants to. I cant really be innovative, but I can cook. And I think its gonna be fun. Making our own salsa, drinks, pasta, potato salad, grill food (my specialty). Who knows? we could be super popular with teenagers!

It would really be lots of fun (working together in a cafe) or having carnivals and flea market. It would have been more fun if I could be there throughout the event. I had to play drums for service, so it was kinda like a mad rush up and down the church.

Thank God for the rain that kept people in church and thus having to buy stuff from us. Thank God for the church members who are always so supportive of any events. Thank God for scheduling this special speaker to preach today so that we have more people who come from other churches to hear her and thus is also here for the flea market. THANK YOU GOD!

You have provided far beyond my expectations(like mannas that rained from heaven), multiplied the resources that you have given us(like the 5 loaves and 2 fishes), build up faith that has shaken, never short changing us when we put in our all.

People say that there is no miracles in this age, for the age of miracles is over. But what is this I see? Is this not a miracle?

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

Update...

Its now the aftermath... Dont know what is going on, dont care about anything that is going on.

Been working lately, camp instructors with Camp High Achievers and as a gymnastic assistant with my good buddy Jon. Well, I guess having a job is good, but it really does keep you too busy from doing anything you might wanna do. Sheesh, I quite hating working if not for the pay.

Anyway, I love being a camp instructor and the culture at Camp HA is really something I like very much. Will work not for anything they offer but the company of RA-RA instructors.

Well, now I'm 20. Birthday was spent working and recording. But I dont really care. 20 is nothing important. I think 21 is though. so lets see what happens next year.

At the moment now I'm in a good mood. That is why I'm updating :) I'm secretly happy over something. I think only God understands and He made sure I did too. His Grace is sufficient for me. I can say that when something goes wrong, I can rely on Him to show me why it is this way. I may not understand at first, but wait patiently and He(GOD) will reveal Himself to me.

Thank God too for sending the right people to help in the recording. Thank you for the love gifts that people gave. Thank you for the help that you have sent through people around. Thank you for sending us John Heng our producer. Thank you Lord for him as he has made things take shape.

I'm in a good mood, not just because its my birthday, but because things are going on well.

Day Trip : JB! (Part 2)

Yup, so we finally arrived at Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre only to find out that...

THE FREAKING DEPARTMENTAL STORE WAS CLOSED!!!

and for what purpose?

A BI-ANNUAL STOCK TAKE!!!

ok, here we are from Singapore, traveling so many mile to this place only to find the main attraction closed for a Bi-Annual Stock. Like WTF? Bi-Annual, means that its only twice a year, and it had to be this very day that we decided to come that they are doing their stock take. Oh Whatever man!

So with the mega departmental store closed, we looked around for other stuffs like MNG, TOPSHOP, QuikSilver, Roxy, M.A.C, etc... Well shopping here isn't that bad as they are having mega discounts too. So we convert each item after discounts into SGD to see if it was worth buying. Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre is a good shopping place. Its huge and it really has almost everything there. I recommend it for anyone who want to go on a shopping trip.

After we were done with Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre, we headed to Johor City Square Shopping Centre in a cab.

Johor City Square Shopping Centre is nothing like Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre. If I were to use a local comparison, Johor City Square is like Bugis/Hereens and Jusco would be Nee Ann City. Something like that, hope you get the idea. There isn't much things here at City Square, just quite a number of pirated game and movie shops. One of them even have a deliver to Singapore pasted in their shop.

We walked around there for an hour or two before walking to the causeway to take a bus back to Singapore.

This time we took the CW bus service back to Queens St. I must say that this bus service is more comfortable than the SBS bus we took into M'sia. Getting back was fast and soon the day trip ended.

I felt that though tiring, it was fun. A day away from Singapore is quite good actually, walking around eating, shopping, its relaxing. If I had a car, probably going to Malacca would be even better. But this was good enough for me. Perhaps its the company too. We kept laughing and talking about everything. It was good fun.

Day Trip to JB, DONE! =)

Day Trip : JB! (Part 1)

So the gang went to JB! Yup we just printed out the bus number that takes us to the places we wanted to go and off we went!

We met at 9.30am opposite Little India MRT station to take 170 to Larkin. This bus would travel all the way through Bukit Timah Road to Woodlands.

We reached the causeway at approximately 10am. The Woodlands Checkpoint is air-conditioned and we were cleared through very fast.

-note: when taking public bus to M'sia, please get through the customs fast or else you'll end up like us.

After we were cleared at the customs, we went down to find the bus we took. But its was gone! We took too long at the customs and ended up waiting for the next 170, it took 15mins to arrive. So we boarded the next 170 that arrive and were one our way to M'sia!

You'll know when you reach M'sia's customs. Firstly, its run down, then there is no air-conditioning. Secondly, the place is so dirty and dusty,you know its not Singapore anymore.

-note: Please try and get hold of the WHITE CARDS before reaching the M'sian customs or else you'll end up like us.

When we arrived at the M'sian customs we did not have our white cards so we went to the custom counter and asked for 3 white cards. There are platforms placed around for people to fill in the white cards. After we were done, we went to the custom counter again to have our passport stamped.

Getting out of the customs, we were suddenly disorientated. The signs were in malay, and we did not see any sign pointing us to the bus pick up area. Not only that, there were so many taxi drivers trying to pick us up. There was this one guy who came over and persistently asked where we were going. He said he could drive us to the shopping area. We replied persistently that we were looking for the bus pick up point. Then he pointed to the pick up area and said that was going to back to Singapore. So we said oh thank you but we're looking for the bus to Larkin. After a minute or so, he said, the bus to Larkin is here(that is where he said earlier that the bus is headed back to Singapore). Thanks to our persistence and training from shopping in Bangkok, we took the right bus to Larkins. But, as like before, we missed one bus and had to wait for 15mins.

Larkin Bus Terminal is not very far from the customs. But unlike Singapore where all the bus berthing area are labeled clearly where each service number is, here there is nothing. The signs told you the destination, not the service number. We took a long time here at Larkin Terminal trying to find the bus that would bring us to Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre.

While trying to look for the bus to Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre, there were lots of coach services trying to get you to buy a ticket from them. But we just ignored them. After walking about the Terminal, we saw a bus service number 227. We quickly checked our print out and YES! that bus could bring us to Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre.

We boarded that bus, its 3RM per person. We sat in the bus and asked some guy in the bus how long would it take to reach Jusco City Shopping Centre, he told us 10 minutes and we were so happy.

But apparently he was wrong. I guess he was referring to the City Square shopping centre which was very near the causeway. A walk away. Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre is about 30 minutes ride from Larkin Bus Terminal.

Finally we arrived at Jusco Aeon Tebrau City Shopping Centre!!! =)

Defu Lane's Fishball

I just got home from buying fishballs. Yup, not from the wet market or the hawker center but from Defu Lane! Its like an industrial place and this is a fishball production factory. Well not really factory as they use minimal machines, but its a monstrous fishball producing place. The place is not like those factories where everything seem in place, its more like a wet market where they make fishballs.

So this guy, Ah Liang, seems to be in charge of the place. He is quite an old man but still working hard everyday to make these fishballs and sell them to people like us or deliver to the shops that orders fishballs from him.

His fishballs are better than average. Not super fantastic but its fantastic. Try to imagine fried fishballs. Not too salty, not over fried. Inside, its soft and juicy and chewy. In Taiwan TV show it probably goes something like this:

"zhe li yu yuan nuan nuan Q Q de. Fei chang hao ci. Fei chang you kou gan!"

Yea, you get the picture. So where is this place, what are the charges like, what time do they open? Here are the details below:

Address: 121 Defu Lane 10
Person-In-Charge: Ah Liang
Hp: 96161885
Operating Hours: About 10am - 2.30pm ( They close early so call early for orders)

Thanks to my Shifu, Lee Cher, for the recommendation.

The new hangout Gang

So with Nick and Sherm in Pulau Tekong BMTC SCHOOL 2, the gang has sort of changed. Now we have Jonny, Ruth and myself. We hangout late in the night, meet up for dinners, watch movies, play mahjong (at Clara's place).

Its really fun to hangout with them as these are the crazy people. We laughed at everything, made fun of everything, told lame jokes, basically being very comfortable with one another.

So, I'm back to the nocturnal lifestyle. Back to who I am, less the depressing self. Back to hanging out with people not from church. Maybe I'll leave that to weekends.

These people are really into going out that we have made plans for sat and maybe even next weekend. I see my ATM going into the REDS soon!

Ok, this weekend is going to be busy for me. I need to buy fishyballs, then keep it somehow, then meet the NS boys and gang for dinner. Then on Sunday prepare the fishyball so that it'll be nice warm and yummy. I feel busy, I feel like I need a car. GOSH GOSH!

ps: wont it be awkward if I just left after initiating lunch. Seriously I thought he went along with everyone. Nope, I dont hate him anymore. Nope, I just dont enjoy his presence. But lunch that day wasnt forced. It was genuinely a happy meal. I was glad to have lunch with a friend I've not seen for a long time. Dont blame yourselves for anything. Even if this relationship cant be restored to what it used to be. Dont blame yourselves. Will it happen again? I dont know. unless I'm caught in the same situation again then maybe yes.

YAYA CAMP '07!

I've just reached home from YAYA camp and I think this camp quite rocked. Ok, maybe cause my group (Caesar) won! But not just that, this camp I had fun cause it was relaxed and I could hang out with different people from different groups and CG.


I have many thoughts about this camp. So it might be a very very long post.


First up, I thank Glenda for helping me play keys for worship and leading the second slot!


I think my group rocks! Well Eunice (GL) told me before the camp that we are gonna be in the same group. I replied that we're definitely gonna win. And we did. Not cocky, but we work well together.

Our Group name was Emperor but there was another group whose name was Huang Di. We thought it was too close and we decided to call ourselves Caesar. We over-ruled the camp committee. But they were nice to give in to us :)

Caesar consisted of the following people: Eunice (GL), Timmi (AGL), Vin, Peiling, Gloria, ZhiWei, Val, Ivyna, Jolene, Tammie, Mel Mel(com member) , Justin(com member)

Our tag line was : "Give to Caesar what is due to Caesar." It was our cheer as well.

I think the group is rather well balanced. I had fun with my group. I got to know Timmi, Peiling, Mel Mel more. They used to be some face I know in church, now I'll try my best to talk to them when I see them in church on Sundays or maybe jio them out on Sunday after church as well.


I have benefited quite a bit in this camp. Knowing God and His people. On the first day, the bonding in my group through the games was great. I feel that we kept together as a team and I saw the team spirit being united.

In the afternoon I played basketball with the Youth Boys, I think it was a good way of just being with them, letting them know of your presence. They are nice boys, just mischievous and very very very playful!

In the night I got to talk to Xiao Xi. She is chatty and a very nice girl. I'm glad that she is comfortable to share with me and the people around about herself. I think she has some potential in being a leader, she sings well too.

Later in the night, I spent some time with Peiling, Emelyne and Bevan. Just hanging out chatting about some stuffs here and there.

Day 2 the rest of my group arrived. Namely: Tammie, Jolene, Ivyna, Val, Justin. We had light games and then we went for lunch. After lunch we had a break. Instructions given was, rest. Save up the energy for games later. They sec1 boys just didnt care and one of them got injured. it was a light injury and he was sent home with his brother to be treated. Pastor heard it and was upset as the time was given to rest, not play. and now an accident had occurred. He told them nicely to go to the room and rest. no more basketball.

Then it was time for briefing on the station games. When we were doing a head count, 3 boys were missing. Pastor found that they were bathing in the toilet. He was pissed. Everyone waited for them to come back. and when they were back, Pastor had all the boys in that room outside of the briefing area and gave them a talk. I thought he might just 'tekan' them but he talked to them nicely. I gave a sigh of relief.

After some instructions were given, some puzzles to be done for timing sake, it was off to station games. The games are quite ok, some difficult, some very easy. I think on the whole it was well done.

After the station games we arrived a East Coast Park. We were the last group to arrive though we were the first to leave. Why? Cause we gave way to the other teams. We gather and made sure everyone was around before moving off. I like the closeness we enjoy as a group :)

At East Coast Park, we kinda broke off as a group and hanged around with whoever we wanted. It was a good opportunity to just mix around. I hanged out with Eunice, Vanny, Eme, Lyd, Clare, Bear, YingQi, Mel Mel, Amanda, XiaoXi, Enmin, Jaclyn. It was quite fun hanging out with them. Just talking, making fun of each other, random topics.

The group broke up after awhile, people broke up into smaller groups. I went to look for food and help to clear up the BBQ stuffs as the LOVELY adults we gonna leave. So as I was settling the BBQ stuffs I went to join the young 'uns for awhile. I played with them TABOO.

Gosh, I think my IQ dropped a bit cause they talked to me as if I was their age (they are sec 1 - 3 girls). The way they describe the word to me for taboo is really low level.

Eg. Word: Tape

Them: "erm, scotch what? scotch what?"
Me: " scotch brime?"
Them: " NO! NO!"
Timmi: " Tape?"
Them: "YES YES!"
(screams and cheers)

How was I to guess its scotch tape? there is so many combination right? Anyway, I had quite a bit of fun, getting to know them through interactions like this and being at their level.

After this we went to Macs. It was to be me, Bear and Eme, Peiling. Then my big mouth asked so loudly, everyone went. Ok, macs was fine. Not very fun. Not much was said. So we left macs and on the way back, my itchy mouth asked peiling if she wanted to run back to the BBQ pit. Gosh she wanted and I didnt want to be a spoiler (since I asked), I ran with her. To me I was running with all my might, to her she was just merely jogging. I am so UNFIT!

So back there I left peiling, eme went to find her sister vanny, so bear and I tagged along. We joined a new group. This group had Vanny, YingQi, Mel Mel, XiaoXi and Amanda. We were talking about Caleb. How he was being so nice to Amanda. I could see the smitten looks on Amanda's face.

so now they too wanted to go to macs. so trip 2 to macs. I was talking to YingQi here and there and with Timmi too. This time round when we were there it had a little more fun. Timmi was hungry and ordered Big Breakfast. He took a cup of water for the 5 girls too. He told amanda (who wanted food as well) that he saved the hash brown for her. Gosh, she was smitten again! (actually he didnt want the hash brown.) I had a good laugh.

Timmi is quite soft spoken and quiet boy. But that morning, after he had downed more than half of his Big Breakfast, he became something else. YingQi wanted some sausage from his Big Breakfast. He cut quite a big piece. Then he said, " Ni yi kou, wo yi kou..." All of us were STUNNED! when it hit us, we were like, "omg! Timmi! What did you just say?" it gave us quite a laugh! I gave Timmi a thumbs up sign. It was a good effort/joke/trick. We left macs and I saw the 5 young 'uns sitting in a corner of macs eating breakfast. So I told them to be back before 6am if they wished to catch the sunrise. They were independent and took care of each other. Was glad that they were obedient. They were back before 6.

Went back and heard Bear had a tummy ache and was given Po Choi Yun. Auntie Lee Cher needed toilet and so did Gloria. Well they felt that the public toilets were too dirty and needed one soon. So I suggested Macs. She said ok, and we (me, leecher, gloria, eme, bear) drove there. As she didnt want to pay for parking I asked her if she would let me drive and park the car at the side while they went toilet. She agreed! :) I was so happy. I drove them back and parked at the carpark. Seems like I drove quite well :)

By then the sun was about to rise and I stayed up to catch the sunrise. It was disappointing as it was too cloudy a morning. but oh well, I was praying for a nice rainy morning so that I could sleep and I guess that is why it was a cloudy morning.

Half the committee disappeared in the night. So I had to help. Took care of the left over BBQ stuffs, clean up the area, clear tents. Then I was tasked to return bicycle. Then Pastor was worried about the bus. It was 8.15am and the bus company hasnt called him to give him the bus number plate and the driver's contact number.

So in his head plan B was forming, just in case. I told him dont worry la. Have faith. But well it was safer to check if plan B could be arranged. He called church and pastor Keith was already in. He asked pastor keith if he could get the number of the bus company as he has left it in the office (of all days) While he was talking to pastor keith half way, his handphone rang (he was using mine to call church as his phone batt was getting low). Guess who called, the bus driver! I was like thank you Lord! I mean in my head, heart I prayed that we wont be sabo-ed in this way. I had faith things would go on fine, maybe I took things for granted. But I thank God that he chose this way to strengthen my faith.

So all of the campers got into the bus and made their way back to Bethel Presbyterian church (campsite). And I took the bicycle to return. Things were settled faster than I had expected so I decided to go macs for breakfast.

After Breakfast I took a cab back to the campsite. After about 5mins I had boarded the cab, the rain poured heavily. I thanked God in my heart for everything that had gone on this morning. Everything was perfect in His timing.

After I got back, most of them were showered and were sleeping. they were given 2hrs break. As the young 'uns were still energetic I went to talk to them after I have showered. the 2hr break seem so short. Soon people were packing up and getting ready for the last talk.

In the last talk I feel burdened for the Youths again. I mean I was trying to stay awake. But I know I felt the burden for the Youths. Esp, CG1. I felt like I wanted to be a CGL for them. To be someone they can talk to, turn to when they face any problems.

After the talk I didnt go forward, I was afraid I fell asleep. but I knew God wanted to tell me something.

They announced the results of the games and my group won! after that we said our thanks, broke camp and left. Uncle Anthony gave me a ride home. I was so grateful for that.

After I reached home, I slept all the way till morning. That was how tired I was. But I had fun at the camp. I thank God for the new relationships formed in this camp...

Born for Glory, To God be the GLORY!

YAYA CAMP '07, it was great! I did not regret going.

Nick, Sherm, Darius

Yup the 3 of them are going into Pulau Tekong tomorrow. Its sad that they're going, but soon it'll be my turn. 2 weeks of confinement and then then they'll be out every weekends.

National Service (NS) is really disruptive to life. It breaks the chain of studying, of living, of hanging out. Of everything that is a norm to a person. I dont hate NS, but I dont really welcome it either. Wish I could study and make my passion my profession. But as my Dad told me, maybe I have to make my profession fuel for my passion. Who knows.

So all the best to the 3 of you. May God bless you and watch over you.


And no matter what you do, DONT BEND OVER AND PICK UP THE SOAP! SQUAT!

It sucks...

I dont know if you understand it. I dont know if you have noticed it. But it sucked. That is all I can say. If I had my way I would have gone away. This sucks. The feeling of it all sucks.

All my best friends are going into the dreaded Island. This sucks too.

At the moment, Life sucks.

Wicked!

SO... 2months after I've gotten my licence I've finally got the permission to drive on my own. YES, its not a big deal to most, but it surely is to me. I guess its the sensation that I can just drive alone beats all things else. When I did it yesterday, it was a sense of liberation and a sense of freedom. I looked over at the empty passenger seat at a red light and I thought of her.

Well, she isnt my first passenger and I felt that it kinda sucked. My first passenger is a good friend. I was just returning a favour. So I hope that wouldnt count. I have the urge to drive every time now. I love the ability to drive without someone nagging. But I dont mind driving alone or with (a) friend(s).

I blew my throttle yesterday, I rev till the needle reached 4 and 5. Yes, I broke my promise, sorry dad, but I was on a expressway and it was EMPTY! It was just so tempting. The adrenaline and the thrill of it was satisfying. I wont do that too often. Unless I'm driving alone and I wanna reach home fast :) (lies and excuses I know)

I guess after driving on my own yesterday, I got to know the car better and how to control my speed. I drove to church today with dad. He didnt make noise at all. Finally.

And today's message spoke of how with God there is no mistake. He allow things to happen at the right moment and we must decide how to react to it. Trust and Obey. He allow us to be at the bottom, so that when we rise up to the peak, we can truly say, "To God be the Glory!"

Guts...

You know I still have feelings for you, yes, some. And with that, gut feelings too. I was online the whole time. Looking at your msn nick, I felt like I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to say hi. I wanted to call you in fact.

Well my gut feelings served me well. You weren't feeling that good and somehow I felt it.

Why didnt I do anything? Cause I thought its pointless. You're with him. Not me. Even if I gave you everything the world could ever give, the fact still would never change. He loves you more than I would. I'm a casual person. I dont know if the right word to use is 'shuang kuai' but that is how I am. But I think a 'hi' and 'are you alright' would be a nice friendly gesture.

I dont know if I want this gut feelings to go away. I dont think I would want it to. I'll just see how much more sensitive and accurate this feeling would be. I'm not lying about this. I really did feel it. Somehow, I feeling very attached/connected to you. I dont know if these are the best words used to describe.

Oh well, sleep well and hope you'll feel better.

Rum and Rasin

Qns: What is better than Haagen-Dazs rum and raisin ice cream?

Ans: Haagen-Dazs rum and raisin with Bailey's Irish Cream Liquor!

Yes, I was toying with the idea since my sister bought a tub of Haagen-Dazs rum and raisin ice cream home 2 days ago. Well I just tried it with her and it taste FABULOUS!!!

The rum and raisin is quite sweet to eat on its own. Adding Bailey's helps cut down on the sweetness and increase the level of alcohol so that it makes you feel 'higher' eating it. Its damn shiok. Since Bailey's Irish Cream Liquor is quite creamy on its own, it doesnt clash with ice cream. I'm feeling damn good now. I think I'm going to eat it again tomorrow night, if the tub is still there!

Haagen-Dazs rum and raisin with Bailey's Irish Cream Liquor! Its heavenly!

End of work...

10 days of work has finally come to and end. I've never regretted taking up this job. Its fun cause of the people I've worked with. I'll always remember the time we worked together. These people are really fun to be with.

I thank God for His favour. Without it, I wont be able to get this job and have known these people. Thank you too for placing them with me in this job that it wont be a chore to go to work everyday. Thank you for the favour that You have given me with You and with man. THANK YOU JESUS!

So now its back to the slacker Vin. I'm missing work already. Missing the people I've been seeing everyday for 10 straight days! They provided joy and laughter and company. But the consolation is that I might be seeing them again in JULY! There would be another event in July and they'll call us up to see if we are available.

I hope we can arrange for a gathering soon. I'm trying not to lose contact I have with people as it is really easy is to.

I teared...

I was in the bus, on the way to work, listening to Casting Crowns. While listening to the song "If we are the Body" I suddenly teared. I was burdened and felt really down.

" But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way "

I teared hearing these words. I have not felt this burdened for quite a while. I wonder if I'm feeling this way cause of the things that are going on around me. Like putting my studies in Audio Engineering aside to earn cash to support my studies instead of praying and asking God what to do.

I dont know. Till now, I'm still emotionally unstable. I wanna drink, but for the sake of work, I decided against it. I miss you, I miss my gang of friends, I miss people in church. No doubt I made new friends in this course of work. I still yearn for someone whose hand fit like yours.

I feel life draining. Maybe the fatigue from work is catching up. Maybe the emotions that have been being suppressed are now resurfacing as work is ending soon. Maybe.

life seems weird to me...

Drown me in...

I clicked on my bookmark it loaded: http://-tomato.blogspot.com/

I wonder if its instinct or habit or I'm missing her or what? I just wonder what am I doing man.

I heard a song, and it maybe me felt like I knew what I was born to do. I wanna be drowned in music. I wanna be embraced by it. Carried away by it. Swept away by it. But I wonder if I still can do it. Daddy told me I might have to work after NS before I can go and study Audio Engineering in Aussieland.

Drown me in God, Music, "You". I can live like this. I breathe God, Music, "You". I can survive like that. I wanna wake up to "You", God, Music. That is how I wish for my day to start. I have God, I have music, I'm missing "You". Where are "You"? I thought I've found "You". But I guess "You" were not meant to be. Maybe I'll substitute "You" with a certain "Her" till "You" comes along.

I dont know. Life goes on I guess.

Weird Feelings

You only miss something when its gone... Like School. You miss school only when its over. And when you're in school, you wished it would be over soon. It applies to people too. You'll only miss the person when he/she is gone. In anyway, relative to the past on the time spent with the person. But I'm not sure when you are with the person, you wished time would pass faster.

In the same way, I think I can be both happy and sad at the same time. I think life at this moment, now, is rather good. I'm enjoying it. But I wonder what am I missing in life. I suddenly cant put feelings into words. I'm quite lost for words. Maybe I know the reason, I'm just suppressing the thought. Maybe that is why I'm feeling this way, but I just dont want to admit.

I'm emotionally wrecked now. I'm just not thinking straight, not being rational. I wished I could drink it away, but I have to work tomorrow. Alcohol isn't going to make things better now. I wish I had a remedy to this. Life's good but its kinda fucked too.

Supper!

I'm feeling happy now. I just went to have supper with my folks. They are in a good mood today and Daddy brought us to a new place to makan. I dont know what is really wrong, but ever since I become close to her again, I've been eating fishball noodles and bah chor mee quite often enough. Its quite funny huh?

Ok, this place that we went to is at Block 1 Aljunied Road. The fishball noodles is damn good. As least to my dad and I. Mummy said it was fine. But dad and I loved it. The fishball is chewy and flavourful, they have the fish cake type of fishball, sliced fried fish cake and the fish jiao ( the one that looks like a wanton). The noodles is damn shoik. He gives alot of 'you chang' and the noodle is really DRY. DRY. as in no gravy flowing around. The gravy (chilli sauce or tomato sauce or just plain) is well mixed into the noodles. Thus the noodle taste damn good. I'm so going back there again, with whoever who has a vehicle or when daddy lets me DRIVE =>

Work is good. Today we were all quite cranky and started talking rubbish and just laughing away. I think they'll be quite a cool bunch of people to hangout with seriously. I hope we can maintain contact after this job.

I'm satisfied. I had yummy noodles, a bottle of green tea and full supply of my favourite sweet: Fisherman Friends!

"life is good now, I just want to share it with someone like you..."

Special Sunday

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

That is why she is getting baptised tomorrow. That is why she is taking this step of Faith. That is why she endured weeks of baptism classes.

I'm very happy for her. Tomorrow Heaven will be joyous. There will be feasting and celebration.

As for me? Its back to work tomorrow. The book fair is rather quiet these few days. We are suspecting the quietness due to the food fair that is at EXPO. Or maybe its the Great Singapore Sale that is taking everyone away from fairs to shopping centres.

My colleagues are nice peeps. They are very fun people to work with too! We crack jokes while we work, people watch comment on things, just being quite rubbish. Its like at these kind of place where there is long working hours and you are basically seeing each other all the time, you tend to talk to one another like long time friends. Or maybe I'm too extrovert and too easy going. I make friends easily. Even the booth opposite ours I'm made a few friends there too. Ok, maybe its just me.

Its rather late now and I have to wake up early to cover someone's week of service and go to work tomorrow. GOSH! I need God, I need your super human strength to survive tomorrow. I'm going to sleep now.

Temasek Polytechnic : Hogwarts School of Magic

Now that I look at the pictures again, I reassure myself that TP on Graduation Day really looked like Hogwarts School of Magic. All of us were in Graduation gowns that looked like wizard robe in Harry Potter. I think Its quite funny, but its kinda cool too. I've quite liked JK Rowling's Harry Potter series and suddenly feeling quite like a wizard was really fun :) Its like letting my imagination run wild. How I wish just for once, I could be part of Rowling's Story.

School Sick?

I miss TP all of the sudden. I really miss the atmosphere that was in school while I was there. I must admit that when I went back to school for the graduation gown, the atmosphere was different. Maybe cause the familiar faces that I used to see are not around anymore. But on graduation day yesterday, I felt really school sick. Those faces, pretty, handsome, normal or ugly faces I probably wont get to see again. No more people watching in TP.

Come to think about it, its the insubstantial friendships that I have made. Its like I know many groups of friends, but most of them are really insubstantial. They wouldn't really call me out for an outing cause though I maybe close to one of them in the whole group, I'm never really part of the group. My group used to be the WOW peeps, but now, its just more or less Nick and Sas.

After so many nights of insomnia, last night was my best night of sleep. I slept really really well. Had a pleasant dream too, which I cant recall now. The secret to a goodnight rest is talking to her. Yup, I'm holding no more to the hope for me to be with her. But just be able to chat with her is really good for my soul. It just simply makes me human.

I dont know why I'm sill reacting this way, but I seriously dont like her boyfriend. It like though I dont like her best friend, who hates me to he core, I still can endure her presence no matter how she might make things difficult for me. But for him, he doesn't need to do anything, I just dont like his presence. Weird? yup I thought so too. Though I've known him for quite sometime, I feel that he isnt like who he used to be. Maybe I'm the one who have changed, in terms of my perspective towards him.

i miss school,
i miss you,
i miss part of my life.

Graduation...

Yup that's tomorrow. I miss school all of a sudden. I miss being busy. Doing things with my poly-mates is really a very enjoyable thing. I miss attachment. The peeps from IBM. I miss lunching and tea-breaking with them. They are really a cool bunch of people.

I miss the atmosphere of being in the busiest canteen of TP. I miss people watching in TP. I dont really miss playing wow in sch, but I miss the people that make my 3 years in TP somewhat memorable.

After tomorrow its like a new phase in life. In 5 months time I would be enlisted and trained to be a soldier, a man. Well, so they say. I wish I could skip this phase of life and be able to study in SAE now. I wanna be a musician, a sound engineer. I wanna always be able to hang out with my buddies from school. Study together, grow up together, see their girlfriends/boyfriends, see them getting married and setting up families.

I dont know after tomorrow how I can be in touch with them anymore, or impact their lives. Everytime they tried to jio me out, I have a clashing appointment with church peeps or something else. I pray that Lord, maybe through music I can do something. I can affect them someway.

Life is boring at the moment. Cant find a job that would last me for 4 months, no activities to keep me occupied. Everyone seems to be busy with something. I cant keep hogging her, she got a life and a boyfriend to attend to. Lord, what do you want me to do?

Someone come and keep me occupied please?

Superhero...

After watching the TV premiere of Spiderman 2, I kinda have a weird thought. Somehow I think I'm just like Peter Parker. I'm trying to save the world for you. Its hard to be with you and you'll always have suitors. Quite similar ya? Oh well. not to the exact point, but along the same line that we can never be together.

I will be as I am. I try not to keep thinking about you. But if you need help from me or anything, I'll be available for you. Anytime for anything. Some words have to be left unsaid, but I cant help missing you can I? I'll try to get over you alright. I'll try.

Someone, please come along. Sing into my heart and be willing to be with me. I guess that is all I ask for. I'm not a Superhero, just an average musician.

Here come an opportunity...

We have finally hit a very very difficult spot in the process of recording. One song has suddenly kinda lost it dynamics. After recording the all the tracks minus electric guit and vox, we felt that the general dynamics is not there. But our producer said, nevermind about that first. We'll see what the electric guitar can do.

I was like, WHAT THE??? me? see what I can do? oh, ok. Maybe its time to shine :D I dont know what magic I can come up with but I'll pray very very hard for inspiration. I hope I get a nice guitar arrangement coming into my head like how I get them for drums. The groove would just come in on its own.

I pray that after doing all these, my head and ego and all wont swell. I really hope this is the start of something big and something great. I hope to really be used by God this way. Not for my own glory but for HIS. This is my passion and my joy. And I think I have gotten the right idea about doing recordings. Be it worship or not, the emotions MUST be captured. That is one standard I will take for doing my recording work. If I dont feel the emotions or the passion, I would tell them that this is not a good take. PERIOD.

i wanna do it for you lord

Like all things else...

After so many late nights, I finally got one night that is free. I decided then to finish up the bottle of wine that I have opened a few nights ago.

Too many nights in the refrigerator has caused the wine to turn bad. Not bad as in vinegar, but bad as in the wine has been left opened for too long. The balance of alcohol and grape is now uneven. What a waste. This is a good bottle of wine, but due to my busy schedules, I didnt manage to finish it in time when it was at its peak.

Sometimes I feel love and life is like that too. Too many night left unresolved or left to disappear on its own wont work. It'll turn bad sometimes. I dont know, maybe for relationships it wont happen this way. I wonder what I want out of life. I feel a bit lifeless. I'm not good in anything. Gosh. What can I do? I just want to love someone and be loved back in return.

Saw someone online today. I had a weird feeling. I think I better not care. Kinda awkward to say anything. Besides, its a close friend's ex. I dont want to walk in someone elses steps. I think I should just sleep. Too much alcohol. Need to wake up early. I'm gonna get a splitting headache tomorrow.

is it you? is it you?
who is it? i just want someone to love,
and be loved back in return.
Love NOT sex.

Sound Engineer

I realised that if I were to be a sound engineer. I need a girl who loves me very very very much. After so many days of recordings, I finally felt the fatigue. The girl have to be really understanding and be the woman behind your back. Taking care of your meals and health as you help other do recordings. Its like a scientist. He doesnt know his days and nights. Hours spent in the studio, day in day out.

Ryan did 7 tracks in one afternoon and half a night session. GOSH! He did everything in one go. I bet he must be damn tired. Plus he left to attend a best friend's grandmother's wake and came back to the studio again. He is definitely super tired.

We did vocal tracks today. Still no electric guitar tracks yet. Maybe I wont get to do my parts as we are quite tight on time now. *Shrugs* Ryan will decide what is best for us.

I'm really getting excited being a sound engineer. Its tiring no doubt, but it really excites me. I was entertained today by my bestie when I was super tired :) its nice to have her around man. I was tired cause I have not taken a break or dinner yet and it was about 8.30pm. I was really getting damn tired. Too much concentration power being taken up.

I'll work my way somewhere Like Chief Sound Engineer of the Esplanade or Executive Producer with SONY BMG. Somewhere along that line. I wanna be a sound engineer, producer, arranger, musician, songwriter, worship leader. I think I'll really love my job alot. Well, not as much as my wife though ;P

After recording I came back home. Nick was playing mahjong with the gang and when I walked passed he ask if I wanna take over his place, I was like sure, why not. Guess what, from $29 I won till I had $41. I just kept winning. Pong Pong Hu for 3-4 rounds, mostly 3-5 fan. DAMN SONG AR!!! It feels damn good winning. Ahhh, SHUANG! I love playing Mahjong :)

Taylor Guitars

If you think hearing a Taylor Guitar is it, meaning its the best thing you have heard, I must say it isnt. Today I truly heard what professionals do with sound. The Taylor Guitar is made to have vibrations from the strings be projected from the guitar body, as well as from the hollow that all guitars have.

The way a Taylor is made is a trade secret. But we all know that the clarity of tone that is produced is THE best that one can ever hear. The fret board is so well made that strings even at gauge 12 is playable.

So our producer brought his Taylor for us to use for recording. His was just a normal Taylor 414 series but like all musicians who are crazy about sound, he added a pick up which cost about SGD$400. I have played a Taylor 414ce before, so I thought that its nothing new to me. The tone's the same, everything else is too.

When the guitar was setup in the studio and a sound check was being done did I realised my lack of knowledge in understanding sound. The pick up in the Taylor is considered to be damn good already. Plus the the guitar is looped into a preamp. I dont know how to spell the brand of the preamp now but it cost SGD$10,000. I'm amazed at what the preamp does. It makes the instrument sound fatter and in your face :) meaning that it feels as if the instrument is right infront of you. Damn nice I tell you. If you hear it from the CD its probably well mixed in already. But from the studio, just the guitar alone, the sweetness of the guitar is amplified. Crisp, clean and bright. Love it absolutely. Ryan played well too la, must give credit to him.

I'm damn inspired now to have my own studio, but till then, I hope I can work closely with the people at SoundAdvice.

This kinda life

Just came back from hanging out with the gang. Well the gang has changed a little bit. No longer an all guys thing cause nick has a new girl and girls travel in packs. So yea, still the same old guys just fewer of them with nick's girl(Ruth) and Tracy(Peirce Sec).

Its fun hanging out with them. Staying in the studio the whole day for too long can make one go insane. True that the company there is cool too. But you need to hang out with your best buds. Nick is my best bud. When I ask him for an ipod USB cable since he got a new ipod, he offered me the new cable though he could have just given me the old one. Nice guy nick. No other in the world can I find another like that. Everyone has their short comings, but I have no regrets having a best bud like nick.

Yes, though I'm now even more tired than the previous post, I'm satisfied. Having fulfill the social void which I have been having for sometime. These friends of mine, I really wish I can bring them to Christ. I dont know how, but I guess, being different would help. Really standing out from the rest of the world.

I pray that Lord they would come to know you one day, till then, keep out friendship close and solid. I really treasure them. These are the kinda friends I want my girl to meet. I think the word to use is "si dang" (paiseh my chinese sucks). They dont wear a mask, everyone just being themselves having fun in each other's company. This kinda life is PRICELESS.

Ok, I think I better sleep soon. Tomorrow is another long day at the studio and I think I might be doing some recording of the Electric guitar. Ciao.

i really want the girl in your will now lord,
though i rather it be given in your time...

drained

Yes, I'm DRAINED.

Mentally
Emotionally
Physically

Recording is a tiring business. No wonder they smoke and drink. But for me, I rely on Christ.

What's that?

yup, its the weird feeling again. That kind that makes my stomach have butterflies and uneasy feeling. I know she is the one that makes me feel this way. I'm trying to get out of it. Gosh. Life is hard. I guess I'm in my lowest point of life now. Recording is on tomorrow morn. I think I better sleep early tonight.

Hardy 2004 - Cabernet Sauvignon

I just had a glass of this wine. Perfectly harvested. Its a full body red with pleasantly flowery flavour. It has a sweet after taste. This is really a good wine. I'm going to have another glass tomorrow night after letting it breathe a little more. Cheers to Cindy and Pengfong for this wine.

Hear and Obey...

I have learnt many things in these few months.

1: It takes a broken man to serve the great God. When you are utterly broken and left with no hope in yourself, the Lord will use you to show that in Him, all greatness would come. So that man cannot boast in his own strength but give glory to the Father above who possess all things.

2: Obey and you will live well in the Lord. I decided to really obey. That includes being nice to someone I hate. CRAP man. But obey the Lord says, if you wanna leave long and well in the land that I'm giving you. AND yes, His promise it true. Right after service, I got my reward, a small tiny bit of it :)

3: Dont worry and pray with the right attitude. With that, you serve God with His full anointing. and I remember also that my gan ma mention this speaker who's testimony is that a life partner is very important. God would do all things possible so that a man who is after His very own heart would choose the right life partner and gain full anointing of the Lord because he is obedient. Oh well, if the Lord is that detailed(which I think He is) then I better seek Him really clear before breaking this fragile heart of mine again.

well there are other stuffs too that I have learnt, just cant really like list them all here now. Sunday still suck, though not as much. Look away, look far, look to the Lord. My day would come... it will.

I still want a singaporean chinese wife, brought up in an english speaking family but able to speak dialect. Character like glenda's and as pretty. Interested applicant please sent me an email. ;P

to God be the Glory!

Fairytale...

I'm just wondering if my life could be like a fairytale. Or a romance movie. With all that is lost now, I'll leave and go away. 3 years later when I'm back, I wonder would she be available for me...

i wish something like that would happen...

If this is possible?

can your best friend be he one you love the most? can your best friend be with someone you hate? can the one you love the most be with someone who isnt better than you?

can all these be true?

how would you related to her? how can you take each stabbing truth? can I cope with the emotional hurt? can I live like this throughout this lifetime?

Its like you enjoy talking to her, but hearing of life events that she share with that guy, can you feel not affected? can you look at it, pretending you didnt hear it so that you wont feel hurt and angry?

I guess its really very hard to forget a first love. When its really very much love at first sight. The Chemistry that exist between the two person. The standard that every other girl is being measured by. I can imagine myself going out with someone else but when she isnt exactly like her, I would just walk away cause I know I can never be happy with her.

Its like I dont know to behave as a human. If I were to have a gathering, I would invite her and that guy's brother cause his brother is really nice to me. I wont have him around to spoil my day. But when it come to events that concern her would be my most hurtful time. She would want me there and he would definitely be there too. Everyone present would know that they are together and probably make them do something couples do like kiss her or something.

Do I apologise for my absence and make her up set? or do I just absorb all the hurts and pain? I probably would do the latter and when everything is over drink myself to sleep. Life is so hard. I'm being so tortured. Like a cancer patient being tormented by the virus in the body, I'm tormented by love. Being love sick is not fun at all. Looking at her walk away with another guy is enough to bring suicide into my head.

I guess that is for me to be an outstanding musician. To be so utterly hurt and torn apart so that I can write sad melodies and lyrics that the world out there can relate to and gain comfort in knowing that there are others out there in the same situation.

I really dont know how my future in terms of relationship would be like. My future for career is more or less settled. I know what I wanna become. but will I be successful and have a woman behind my back or be an average single guy living day to day.

In Jay Chou's song, I'm really stranded. I can feel the loneliness that has been isolated at the side for me. Laughing at the promises I cant afford to give. He is really a man who has probably been through life really harshly. Being walked out on by a girl he loved. His songs have exactly articulate my feelings. One day I really wanna look back at all these and hopefully answer my questions that are here.

why him? why?
i wonder if you knew how much i loved you?
i wonder if you still have any love for me?

so its Friday again and there is BAG. Well, I was worried that this would be like Sundays. A day that would hurt me bad. But today was fine. I mean seeing them makes me really very very uncomfortable but its not a constant pain. Its like really unsightly to me. Its quite weird if you ask me. One is an eye candy, the other, just an eye sore. So what would I do? look at them or not? Well I try to look at her, if I got irritated with my view I just looked away.

I think things between them are back to normal. She loves him and he loves her. They are back as one. But are things really normal all around? I think the only one not is me. Well, I'm not back to my old self neither am I someone different. I think I'm really clear that as long as she is happy with him. I got nothing else to say. I'll give her my blessings.

I'm kinda taking the impact well. I think. Of course it hurts and all. Feeling shitty and all. sigh. Like right now, its kinda weird that not only my heart is not feeling well, my tummy isnt too. I have gone to the toilet 3 times since I had dinner. Its lose stools and I'm worried I might fall sick. When the heart is in trouble, the whole body malfunctions I guess.

I really dont know. I think so as long as I dont see him I'm fine. I'm ok with you. Feelings for you are controllable. I just hate him to the core. still I dont know why I get angry seeing him but I just do. Yea, maybe cause I'm childish. I cant wait for my future, I know its going to be fine.

its just with or without you...

I cant sleep...

I dont know what's wrong, but I just cant sleep. I'm thinking of you. Its the kind when you miss someone. Wanting to know what he/she is doing. Just wanting to talk to the person. What should I do? what should I do? I dare not call to disturb you. I'm afraid you're sleeping. Oh crap. I'm not having enough sleep...

i need you...
or at least someone like you...

I'm sorry....

I know I made her pissed. reading her blog makes me feel weird now. Its not that I dont know what I want. I just dont know what to feel and how to react. I'm sorry. I really didnt want to make you angry or anything. I was unsure of my feelings. I know what I want. I wanna be with you. But now the situation is making me react faster than I can think. I'm sorry. I'm a jerk.

I thought about it after my recording. I rather have you as a friend. Its fun being with you.

I dont know what else to say to you, except sorry. I promise I'll not be like that again. I didnt want to make you angry. I guess sometimes we clash. Times when I dont know how you're feeling or what you're thinking about and vice versa we step on each other's toes.

I'm confused as to how to react to you. Forgive me, I'll find a way to react as appropriately as possible. Right now... I dont even know me. I need someone out there. I need you.

Recording: Day Two

today was fine. but yesterday was better. Derrick(drummer) wasn't feeling well today and we had to do quite a number of takes for the drum tracks. so the first 4 hours of the day we did 3 drums tracks. not really a good thing, but thank God that most drum tracks were settled yesterday and so we had buffer time to settle these other stuffs today.

We tried doing bass tracks today too but our poor bassist (kit ling) has gotten a blister on his fingers and he cant really do the bass well, so we decided to do keys.

Andrew is really very funny. He plays better when he sings and his tracks are never the same. The song and the chords are all the same but he can play different fills in all the tracks that he does. Some are amazing good and some are just ok.

We cleared our guide tracks today too. Tiffany (female vox) was also here to do her vox for the guide tracks. Ok, initially I thought that she might not fit our band. But to my surprise, we do have one song that fit her vocals perfectly. It was sweet. Very very nice. Well since after tracking the guide tracks I was free to do my own stuff, Tiffany and I sat at the lounge area and chit chatted. she's cool and we have similar interests here and there and is also very coincidental that she lives just a street away from my place.

That's about it for the recordings. Next week I gotta get my tracks down. Its scary I tell you. I pray I'll do fine.

Recording: Day one

I had only about 4 hours of sleep last night, or rather 4 hours of disturbed sleep. So its kinda like really not enough sleep at all. I woke up at 7.30ish in the morn to travel to the studio. I reached the studio at about 10.30am. That is how far away the studio is. So we were there and we started tweaking the drum. GOSH 10 mics, all individual tracking. Snare top and bottom are included, bass drum front and back skin are in too. THIS IS THE COOLEST ATTENTION GIVEN TO A DRUM I'VE EVER KNOWN!!! oh well this is the first time I've been to a recording studio too anyway, so I must say that its really really really cool!

Some things I've learnt:

1) Drum recording cannot be redone half way. Meaning patch in like other instruments when there is a mistake. If there is a screw up, the whole thing is to be redone. So a drummer must be discipline to be consistent and play well throughout.

2) The tone of a mix can be caused by ambiance mics. Eg, mics used to pick up the cymbals. These may cause the sound of the tom to weird.

3) Drums can be panned. Meaning that you can hear the drums left to right. I'm serious. If you roll from left to right, the speaker should output the same way too. Same goes for the cymbals. If the ride is on the right, it should come out of the right speaker. If the crash is in the left it should come out of the left speakers. That is how cool recording is. a well panned drum set up is very nice. when the drummer roll you can feel the motion in which he is moving. superb!

This has been a very fun day. The company is super crazy la. We talked cock when doing lighter stuffs, but when its time to be serious we are serious. Our engineers are cool peeps. We got a super pro producer. What more can we ask for man. For me, maybe a girl to share the Joy with ;P

Recording is super tiring too, even if you're not the one tracking. Maybe cause today we are settling the guide tracks so its a little more tiring than usual. The hours are super long and we are standing most of the time. But our drummer rocks man. His tracking is so good that most of the time we clear it under 4takes. Thanks to him we are ahead of schedule. That means that other instruments can have more time to track. Less stressful on the rest then.

I now know the difference between a 500bucks Elect Guitar and a 1000bucks Elect Guitar. The clarity of tone is like a big big big difference. Its addictive playing a good instrument. I'm hooked man. My guitar wont satisfy me soon.

Thank God for today. Its been VERY VERY good. All praise and glory be unto HIM.

I suddenly thought of my best buddy, nick's, msn nick. It says, " it isnt hard loving you cause you're beautiful." Man that is so true la. If the person is beautiful it isnt hard loving him/her ya? No wonder we are best buds, we think the same way. For me, eyes that can speak is very attractive. dimples are a plus point. nice facial expressions are quite a must too. probably that is why it isnt hard loving you. You are just so beautiful :)

Its late, and I'm tired. Tomorrow recording day two continues. I hope this album would be super nice. And I really pray that we remember who we are doing this for and not lose the focus.

Words dont come out right...

said the wrong stuffs and words dont come out right. Everything that I say to you is like half truths. One half of me wanna be nice and still be in love with you. The other half wants to numb the feelings and say things that are indifferent.

When the conversation started, I was the latter. I said things that were indifferent. I said stuffs that werent the usual nice words. I wasnt the sweet guy. but I was happy you called. And when you started whining, my weaker half overcame the indifferent me. Especially when you said, " You sound different. This isnt the way you used to talk to me."

My dear girl, you want me to be nice to you, making myself believe that you'll one day be with me. You want me to be happy in an illusion that you and I will be together. But when I ask you to break up with him you say you cant. the situation wont allow, you cant forget him, you've been through so much with him already. Backing up with the fact that God says no. I accept all these. I fully understand. I know you're afraid of losing the friendship with me, but we have gone too far to now maintain this at a level of friendship.

You cant be nice to me, cause I'll fall for you deeper, yet I want you to. You understand the dilemma that I'm in dont you? Its like I'm really happy talking to you, but talking to you will like keep this relationship going on. Like you told me you could smell me even though I'm not near you, some signs that you kinda like miss me, but then when I ask you to break up with him, you say you cant. So what am I to do? Be happy and sad at the same time? ok, if you want it like that, I'm fine. but if not, I'm sorry I dont know of any other solution.

You can pick me up throw me down again. I dont mind. You can stab it deeper or pull it out and stab it in again. I also dont mind. All because I have loved you far too much to take in all these. I can feel fucked, I can feel wreaked. I can feel loved, I can feel cared for. I'm what you react to me. I can accept it cause I love you. Its up to you what you wanna do. I'm ok with anything. I've never regretted loving you. Its the best thing that has happened to me.

these words arent a lie,
without you I will die.
the way to stay alive,
is for you to be mine.

-Vin

Initial D

Yea I know its an old show but I thought of watching it again and something in that story struck me. I guess its the fact that sometimes you know the girl that you like, for a short while or for a long time sometimes would hinder the most important decision of your life. And you never know if you would have regretted making the decision not to go because of her.

Like in the show he was meant to be a racer. But I guess he wouldnt have join the team cause its dangerous and he doesnt want her to worry about him all the time.

For me? I dont know if she love me. But that is not important now. I dont want to know. not now at least. But I know that if we were together she would be worried about me studying abroad and that could have affected my decision of studying something I'm really interested about and these I know are God's plans for me. I've prayed about studying in SAE and opportunities opened up for me to know more.

So well, I guess like him, I should just do what I was meant to do. Music.

If you feel that you breathe God and Music and you're looking for someone who would do it a lifetime, you can come to me. But I'm not worried. Alone or with someone God gives me, I'll breathe God and breathe Music. The place is open till someone else fills in. I'll take you back anytime.

i was born for a purpose. i kinda know some of that purpose.
its just with or without you...

No more drinking...

One lesson that I have learnt is that never drink the night before when you have to wake up early the next day. I drank alot last night again and when I woke up at 9am today I had a splitting headache. It was damn bad. Thankfully at practise it went away after praying.

Today's practise is very fruitful. We spent about an hour praying for one another, realigning ourselves with God. Tomorrow would be the start of the RECORDING. damn exciting sia. And I have decided not to drink tonight as I have to wake up early again tomorrow morning and I dont want a freaking splitting headache.

So now, how am I? Once again I've decided to hang on, as in I dont write off the possibilities of us being together, but if it never happen, then its ok. Its in between giving up and hanging on. Well I guess we still can be friends. Sort of best friends where we know each other well enough and all. Hangout with you and your boyfriend now would be impossible. I need time to get over.

I still care about you. I wanna know how are you doing and all. You still can call me to talk, you can ask me out. But I wont initiate any of these. Its like, If you kinda like need me, I'll be here. But otherwise, I'll just live my life. maybe I'll call you when I need a hairdresser :P

Addressing this issue, I really dont like your boyfriend at all. I cant give you a reason why, but I hope you wont force me. Let time and God guide me in my reactions.

I know I have not resolve this issue totally. But I'm letting it go. I dont want it to hinder the current project God has given me. I dont want it to affect me. and if you're wondering if this is the best way. No, its not. But for now, it has to be. You know what is the best way for me. maybe just not now. maybe not ever. But till then I'll be like this.

i love you, but it was the lord who taught me what love is.
my first love is Jesus. you're just part of what he taught.

"But while playing captain's ball, I wanted to be with her, but I never got to. I almost wanted to kill someone. ----> if u gonna kill him, u know i will kill u. no matter who the person is"

I know she loves him more than me. No matter what she do, make me jealous or anything to hurt me I'll still love you and wait for you. My heart can be hurt a million times, wrenched a million times, stabbed a million times. Its not whole anymore, so any further damage wont make a difference. I'm like a living dead. I'm damn sure that if I am ever with another girl, she'll be freaking jealous of you. I'm quite sure that girls have a sixth sense to know if the guy loves them wholeheartedly or not. I cant love her wholeheartedly.

One day I'll get sick of feeling hurt. Or probably so damn hurt that I can look at hurt itself and smile. Or maybe worst still, I need to get hurt to feel humane. I cant get over you no matter what. The only way to do so is that you'll have to kill me. I dont know what to say anymore. I'm glad that I've loved you. I just pray some day you'll love me too.

I need to drink again tonight. I need to drink myself to sleep.

if i hurt you in the past, im sorry.
i'm serving my sentence now. being hurt a million times more.

Heartache...

I've always thought that heartache is an emotional thing only. Meaning that it exist in the head only, an emotion. Today I realise that it isn't. It can be a physical pain as well. I felt it. My heart was being wrenched. The million pieces that its now in is being wrenched a thousand times over. Such physical pain I never knew existed. Its such an unbearable pain.

In light of this, I am going to be very careful in hurting others now. I may not know how bad the hurt might be or deep it'll affect another but since I have experience this immerse pain, I'll make sure I dont hurt anyone else in this manner.

where fore art thou is the one who can take this pain away...

Dead Drunk

I'm just came back from nick house after drinking. I opened my Bailey and drank with him. Nick cant drink anymore. or maybe he dont want to. But I didnt care. I wanted to drink. I dont know how much I drank. I drank till I felt my head spinning and I felt like puking. I didnt want to mess up their place so I tried to make my way home. Thank God that I live so near. I'm now feeling messed up. everything looks blur to me, I think the alcohol is taking effect. Maybe I should lie down and stop moving around.

Its Sunday, again...

This is one of the worst day I have felt. I felt like dying. I felt really like dying.

In the morn, I woke up to find my Dad out of the house without me. So I asked her if she was driving to church and she said no. I bathed and change and took a cab to church. I didn't want to be late. Then in church I saw her van. I thought she didn't drive? Anyway nevermind. We played captain's ball during YA time.

Captain's ball was fun. Nice running around the field at noon. The sun was fabulous. I felt great. But while playing captain's ball, I wanted to be with her, but I never got to. I almost wanted to kill someone. The ball was lobbed to him, I charged for it, using all my strength and energy, I charged for it. I managed to intercept the ball but I suddenly decided to change my direction where I was moving to avoid hitting him. In the process I strained my ankle. It was painful to walk after. I played damn hard, I just wanted to have fun and smile. But I couldnt. Its sunday afterall.

So Lunch was at iguana. We were there to celebrate Cheryl's Day. I guess lunch was ok, probably the best time of the day. After lunch we went to starbucks at central. I felt really affected by alcohol and was feeling very very down.

After that I went to get my guitar strings from Davis and accompanied Joel to Funnan while she and him hanged out with sam. I felt myself in great pain. My heart was beating very weakly. I didn't have enough of vitamin G.

I've lost interest in most games. I don't want to play them. I just want her.

She was angry with me and that is why I'm feeling all the pain and hurt. I know it. Though at that time I really dont know what is going on, I know I'm feeling hurt by her. I've never felt or been this hurt. I wanted to be suicidal, I wanted to drown myself in alcohol. I wanted to be wasted and just numb all feelings. She made me jealous, its her vendetta for my childish acts. I was torn a part. Its like a broken glass that has been stepped on a million times by a high heel shoes.

Now it really seems like nothing will change. She'll be with him no matter what. There is nothing she can do. and I? I just want to do everything in my will to win her back. I dont know. I'm at my wits end. I'm at my lowest point in life.

I've never been so wreaked. I dont know how to give up someone whom you need. I dont know. I dont know how to love another with a heart that is reserved? At this moment now I'm much better caused I've talked to her. But before that, I was suffering so badly. Like my heart attached to a thousand needles attached to a thousand strings all pulling at the same time. Shattered and torn. I wanted to talk to her.

Even when we were playing CS, she went to the toilet, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to hug her and make things right. I wanted to let her bite me and hope that she'll feel better. I wanted to do all these, but I knew I couldn't as I might create a commotion.

I cant help but notice a new ring each of them are wearing now. I've not ask and I've not said anything till now cause I dont wanna know. I'm feeling so so so damn bloody freaking shattered. WHY CANT I HAVE THE GIRL I REALLY LOVE? WHYYYYY!!??!?!?!?!?!

She's all I want and all I've ever needed. How Vin? live with the pain? She cant be yours, not unless the Lord says so. No good signs have been shown to you regarding her. So what? Pull away? are you willing to not see her? are you willing to not talk to her? are you willing to give her up? she is my very cause of JOY and Pain. Am I to be trained for long suffering? I dont know if this is in the wrong context.

You mean alot to me. I know its gonna be hard to live without you.

Lets Elope...

Lets run away and leave the world behind,
to a place thats yours and mine...

-Vin

I really want to do that... I wanna take her away... far far away. Away from the world, away from the eyes of the world. I just wanna be with her.

Its time...

I just came back from band practise and this would be our last meeting with the producer before we hit the studio. So we played through the rest of the songs that he didn't manage to hear the last time he met us. He commented that we have hair raising songs, able to touch hearts songs and radio friendly songs. We have stuffs that is groovy too! We are good basically.

To God be the GLORY!

I'm really excited about this man. We are half way through the beginning as told by our producer and things are beginning to take shape too. We are really a versatile band as our songs are like many other bands out there. Ryan writes well, he is able to write songs in many genre and still keep things fresh.

So next Wednesday would be the start of the recording. Most of our recordings are done in the night which means that I'm going to be home late. Sigh, not sure if I'll get to talk to her.

She looked very very pretty and sweet today. Green tank top with sequins round the collar, a long pink skirt with strips of green and purple and some other colour of which I cant remember now. Its the kinda skirt you'll get at "Fond Hug". With her pinned up hair and light make up, she looked picture perfect.

She called while I was bathing. Guess how many missed call she gave, 7. Gosh, the first person who had given me so many missed calls. Tonight would probably be one of the shortest conversation we ever had. It was for about 7mins only. We couldn't talk for long as she had tuition the next morning and I didn't want her to suffer from the lack of sleep. Not her fault, I came back late to begin with... so, oh well.

Ever wondered why for so long you have lived without a certain someone and now suddenly you realise you cant live without the person? For me, I have. For 20 odd years in my life I have lived without her. Suddenly. in my 20th year of living, I realise I cant live without her. I wont be me without her. I would be someone else.

Its like for 20 years you could carry on with life. But when you have found this special someone whom you want to live the rest of your life with, you will feel that life from then on without her would be not worth living. Everyday would be mundane without excitment. Love you wife as yourself. That is the command in the Bible. Without your wife, you wont be what you are. So love her like you would love yourself.

I think, I'll love my wife more than myself. I'm nothing without her. But between the girl and God, God is definitely first. I'm trusting in you Lord though I'm worried about my future and my life. You know who I want and need and what is best for me. I pray that I live in your will.

without you, there wont be me...

I got a present...

She told me she bought something for me on impulse yesterday. I was quite shocked but happy. I met her today and she showed me a Third Day CD :) I had a tummy ache today, But when I saw the CD its wasn't pain that I felt. I was a different feeling. Something indescribable, but I knew it was a happy type of feeling. perhaps I feel loved?

These few days have been a really busy money spending days. Yes, I'm rather cash strapped somehow and its bugging me. Tuesday was Labour day and Ryan organised cycling at Pasir Ris park followed by his birthday day dinner. Dinner was fabulous. Lots of great food! the Crabs were amazingly huge and tasty! Quantity-wise, it was madness and it was about $25 per person.(we paid Ryan's share) There were 13 of us and it was very fun!

After dinner we walked at Changi Beach to digest our dinner. We walked for about an hours before Pastor Ed suggested going to Changi Airport T2 for Swensons Ice cream. So round 2 was a T2 and we had lots of ice cream. After dessert it was Home Sweet Home :)

Wednesday was practise day. We met at 12.30pm for lunch, went to church and started about 1pm. It was a long day, it ended with supper with Ryan at Bedok 85 and he gave his birthday speech. There was some interesting stuffs that was being shared then.

Today, I went out with her. We did nothing in particular, just walked round Compass Point. That alone is enough to satisfy me. I dont know how much time I spent with her, but that was enough to make me glad. I would really love to be with her all the time. Everyday, 24/7, 365(366)days a year.

I finally know how much she means to me.

i'll wait. for 5 years i'll wait...

I hate Sundays

This is what came out of me when I was talking to someone close. Just talking in general to a question like how are you. somehow this words came out of me and haunted me.

v i n' My God - My Music - My Life ( is... ) says:
haha, some times u think the feelings are numbed and will go away
v i n' My God - My Music - My Life ( is... ) says:
but enough quietness and enough space to think
v i n' My God - My Music - My Life ( is... ) says:
u'll fall back into a vortex that keeps sucking u in

I dont want to suffer anymore. I dont know what would keep me going on. Like I've said. I hate sundays. The day of rest is my day of pain. The day set apart to seek God is my day of despair. I'm so lost as to what should I do to keep sane. I really dont know.

I'm lost for words to draw you back. I cant bear to say the words to keep you away. I'm now just going to numb myself and see if I can last through the night. Waiting to see if you would call.

smile vin smile.
cry vin cry.
neither smiling or crying,
will make her come back running.

藉口- 周杰倫

翻著我們的照片 想念若隱若現
fan zhe wo men de zhao pian / xiang nian ruo yin ruo xian
去年的冬天 我們笑得很甜
qu nian de dong tian / wo men xiao de hen tian
看著妳哭泣的臉, 對著我說再見
kan zhe ni ku qi de lian / dui zhe wo shuo zai jian
來不及聽見　妳已走得很遠
lai bu ji ting jian / ni yi zou de hen yuan


也許妳已經放棄我　也許已經很難回頭
ye xu ni yi jing fang qi wo / ye su yi jing hen nan hui tou
我知道是自己錯過　請再給我一個理由說妳不愛我
wo zhi dao shi zi ji cuo guo / qing zai gei wo yi ge li you shuo ni bu ai wo


就算是我不懂　能不能原諒我
jiu suan shi wo bu dong / neng bu neng yuan liang wo
請不要把分手當作妳的請求
qing bu yao ba fen shou dang zuo ni de qing qiu
我知道堅持要走 是妳受傷的藉口
wo zhi dao jian chi yao zou / shi ni shou shang de jie kou
請妳回頭　我會陪妳一直走到最後
qing ni hui tou / wo hui pei ni yi zhi zou dao zui hou


就算沒有結果　我也能夠承受
jiu suan mei you jie guo / wo ye neng go cheng shou
我知道妳的痛　是我給的承諾
wo zhi dao ni de tong / shi wo gei de cheng nuo
妳說給過我縱容　沉默是因為包容
ni shuo gei guo wo zong rong / chen mo shi yin wei bao rong
如果要走　請妳記得我
ru guo yao zou / qing ni ji de wo


如果難過　請妳忘了我
ru guo nan guo / qing ni wang le wo


this song written by Jay Chou is stunningly accurate to how I feel, how my life was and is. Its comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there feeling this way, regretting letting the one we loved the most go. And now I can only pray that she wont give me a reason to stop loving me. and if she is to leave that she wont forget me, but if its hurts, then perhaps forgetting me would be the best. Well I dont wish she forgets me. I kinda hate that last line. I mean, true that I want her to be happy but I really dont want her to forget me. If u can go listen to this song. Meaningful lyrics and a beautiful melody that goes with that song.

my life's story...