We were talking on the phone last night and she told me that she feels that talking to me would help me as opposed to not talking to me at all. She feels that by talking to me it would keep me sane and humane and not become self destructive and violent. I told her she was right. But we too address that, if we continue this, the feelings I have for her will always be there.
In a usual case, I think both parties usually give each other the cold war treatment for a long time and as time go by both would not feel anything more for each other. This might help, but I think it wont for me. I would always have that space in my heart for her. Now I'm trying to keep our relationship healthy by reminding myself that she is my best friend. Yes, if anyone ask me do I like her I would admit. Deep down inside I do. But for all the general people who needs to know is that we are best friends.
While we were chatting she suddenly said that she felt like the perfect one for me. I responded with a ya. I mean unless there is another like her, I wont want to get into a relationship. Its funny that she said that, but I was glad when she said it.
I dreamt that I was in a council with the elders and pastors of the church being trialled for this issue. I cant remember the details but I was just yelling away at them why cant I, its not like they're married. Besides you don't know the full story. And of course they were yelling back at me. It was so chaotic that I just woke up feeling angry and mad.
I guess in God's eyes, human feelings aren't good enough grounds. I might feel like she is the one for me ultimately but if He doesn't allow because its not according to His will, no matter what happen, He will say no to prevent me from walking into my own path of destruction.
i know you care, thank you
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