Words dont come out right...

said the wrong stuffs and words dont come out right. Everything that I say to you is like half truths. One half of me wanna be nice and still be in love with you. The other half wants to numb the feelings and say things that are indifferent.

When the conversation started, I was the latter. I said things that were indifferent. I said stuffs that werent the usual nice words. I wasnt the sweet guy. but I was happy you called. And when you started whining, my weaker half overcame the indifferent me. Especially when you said, " You sound different. This isnt the way you used to talk to me."

My dear girl, you want me to be nice to you, making myself believe that you'll one day be with me. You want me to be happy in an illusion that you and I will be together. But when I ask you to break up with him you say you cant. the situation wont allow, you cant forget him, you've been through so much with him already. Backing up with the fact that God says no. I accept all these. I fully understand. I know you're afraid of losing the friendship with me, but we have gone too far to now maintain this at a level of friendship.

You cant be nice to me, cause I'll fall for you deeper, yet I want you to. You understand the dilemma that I'm in dont you? Its like I'm really happy talking to you, but talking to you will like keep this relationship going on. Like you told me you could smell me even though I'm not near you, some signs that you kinda like miss me, but then when I ask you to break up with him, you say you cant. So what am I to do? Be happy and sad at the same time? ok, if you want it like that, I'm fine. but if not, I'm sorry I dont know of any other solution.

You can pick me up throw me down again. I dont mind. You can stab it deeper or pull it out and stab it in again. I also dont mind. All because I have loved you far too much to take in all these. I can feel fucked, I can feel wreaked. I can feel loved, I can feel cared for. I'm what you react to me. I can accept it cause I love you. Its up to you what you wanna do. I'm ok with anything. I've never regretted loving you. Its the best thing that has happened to me.

these words arent a lie,
without you I will die.
the way to stay alive,
is for you to be mine.

-Vin