Is it too early...

Is it too early to give up? I really dont know. But the more I know the more I wanna give up. No its not the stories others tell me that is causing me to give up, but the fact that there are so many guys out there who are interested in you. I feel like I stand no where cause you are not giving me the security that I need to invest on. I wonder, what do girls want or need? I have the capability to be financially stable. Though I cant prove it now, but I know I am cause I know who my Provider is.

I also wonder if its too early in falling for you. I should have guarded my heart more, but there was something about you that made me fall. That made me give in and wanna give up my heart. I held it there, plain for the whole world to see that I have placed it in a platter for you. You took it, looked at it and left it on the sides. I dont know anything anymore. I am one who cannot take competitions and I cant fight with others. I need to have a girl who is interested and then I give her all that I can. I love with a passion ad if the passion is being quenched, I will walk away so that my flame wouldnt die out.

I wonder how did you fill my mind so much. I never had this for a long time. You fill it up so much that every waking and sleeping moment, you're there. I often wished and hoped that that is how my relationship is with Daddy, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The same passion and the same level of desire. Oh, I feel so trashy now man.

I dont know what to type or say here. I am trying to let out all the bottled up feelings and be normal towards her. I'm going to step back. Yes I know that I invested a lot. I feel that it is la. 1 Paramore ticket, 1 autographed poster. I dont know if I have been so crazy over a girl. Though the items are few, the cost are high. Oh my gosh, I dont know why I am doing this also.

I am also questioning if I heard wrongly. Fighting for her or fighting over her? I dont know man. She is one girl that I find myself saying 'I dont know' all the time. What do I know now? I need to make my grades stay above 85. You know how people always say 'She is not worth your grades' but to me, any girls that I like, she is worth anything.

Yea, at the moment I am crazy. Yes I am. I hope I become better after tomorrow. I wanna get over her and concentrate on my studies. My future is going to be good, who ever is with me then will benefit. Sorry you cant see my future. But I'm not letting you affect it :D Tata till then...