To be more Disciplined

Every single night I tell myself to sleep early, every single night I sleep about 3:30am. I am so lacking in self disciple. Once school doesnt set a schedule for me, I sleep late, wake up late and screw my diet plans plus I get a few additional pimples. Why cant I take it that I have to wake up everyday at 9am and if I have nothing to do I should practice. I am already so behind my "need-to" practice hours yet I rather do nothing and take things easy. Really a wrong time to relax cause exams are just a week away from now.

Last weekend feels so surreal, it was like a spiritual high and right after that weekend, everything dont seem to fall in place. I felt like I left God. I felt like that prodigal son who left home with all the good things his dad has given him and he felt like its time to party! I didnt do anything crazy or wrong but I have not been close to Daddy. Its like I chose to walk away. Honestly, I dont feel good. I dont feel good being far away from home. I may seem like I am enjoying myself, but deep down inside, I feel terrible.

Right now, I feel like finish blogging and go listen to some KV's podcast. My soul is very very thirsty.

I remember this story of someone who told this to his pastor saying,

"Pastor, I have been going to church every week and I dont feel that that has made any difference in my life. Why should I continue going to church then? For the past year I've been attending services after services and God knows I cant even remember last week's sermon."

The pastor gently reply, "Have you been eating?"

The man replied, "Why yes of course."

The pastor asked again, "For the whole of this year?"

The man replied, "Yes." He was puzzled at the pastor's questions.

Then the pastor continued asking, "And has eating ever made you feel any different?"

The man now was very very puzzled and he replied, "No, it hasnt."

"And could you tell me what did your wife cooked last week for dinner?" asked the pastor.

"No I cant remember." the man admitted.

The pastor then continued saying "So, you have been eating the past year and it has not made you feel any different and you cant remember what your wife cooked for dinner last week."

"Yes, that's about right" the man replied.

"Since there is much similarity between you eating and you coming to church as you first mentioned to me. So why not let me suggest that you take a year off church and eating. Maybe that will make some difference in your life."

The man was stunned. He hasnt thought about things this way.

The pastor then explained to him, "You see, we come to church and listen to the word of God being preach every single week. It might impact you that day, or it might not. But that is not the point. Just as you need to eat to survive, your soul needs to hear the word of God to be fed as well. This constant feeding will enable your soul to survive, much like how we need to eat. Once you stop feeding your soul, your spirit man will die, just as how the physical body would also. So now, would you like to try out my suggestion or shall I see you again next week?"

This is such a good reminder for me. Besides the word, I need to be in His presence also. But nowadays, I dont seem to be getting it. Feelings aside, I just need to be still before Him. I need to do somethings different.