Star dazed

This is the closest I've ever been to some celebrities, eating in the same shop as them! Well, I was kinda excited, yes, but not crazy la. They were sitting at a table next to mine.

They aren't the hottest new stars, of whom, would probably have ton of journalist/ paparazzi following them all over the place. But they are stars in their own rights. So this very night I met Pan Lingling and her husband (I forgotten his name), Huang Biren and an old actress whose name I do not remember or perhaps even know (though she is very famous).

I reckon that they were there having supper or dinner after the Star Awards event. In anycase, I know that Pan Lingling stay in my area cause I've seen her quite a few times in Thomson Plaza already.

I think its quite a bliss to be a celebrity in Singapore because you get to eat supper at a common shop in peace! I can't imagine if you're in HK or US, always being hounded by some paparazzi.

In all truth, they look just as good as they are on TV and in real life. And no, I'm not star crazy or hungry to meet celebs. I bum into them rather often (reads: Singapore is really small). I saw melody chen just 2 days ago in Orchard. So yea, its not that a rare sight anyway. Just felt excited(xing fen) to be able to see them in real life thats all (to see if they are really that good looking or its the make ups and effect on TV).

A sudden realization

If I were asked what is my favourite genre of music, I would say Classical. Not the kind like Bach or Mozart, etc, but those songs with Lyrics and is played backed up by an Orchestra.

Imagine movies with EPIC soundtracks. Something like August Rush. Where the piece played is something like modern classical, if there is such a thing.

I wonder if I'll ever compose a movie soundtrack like this. I wonder if I would even have the chance to be able to learn music in a level so extreme like this.

Music

I dont know how music touches you... It more than once made me cry. I really want to study music at Berklee. In all honesty, its not totally for God. Its for my love for music. Pop tunes, rock, R&B, house/trance, I enjoy them all.

But at the end or at the heart of it all, I want to be able to use this knowledge or ability or talent to minister to others. Equiped with the knowledge of songwriting or composing I can write songs that touch the others of others. For me that is my worship and when others hear it, I pray that it might catch on for them and lead them into their own time of worship with God.

Or as a musician, I would be able to play and sing out the composition and use the powerful lyrics and music to minister to other, helping them draw nearer to God. In any case, worship is personal, no matter what I do can make others worship, the person must make a choice, but I can help lead and help create the mood, atmosphere, pointing the congregation to Christ.

I want to be a better musician, to enjoy music. To write or play good music. Its a thin line between good music and good worship. But my heart is for God. Deep within me, I need God. I yearn for Him always.

I just have a wish, send me to Berklee please?

The Last straw?

Never imagined myself to be so bothered by it. No, I'm sure im not in love(thats far too strong a word for this) but I'm bothered cause I find myself a friend. Perhaps when I said it I didnt think through what came out. It just did. It bothered so much that was what occupied my head for the rest of my day.

What went wrong and caused it to happen, I dont know. Something did, something sore deep within.

I could blame the last few days of shit that happened, I could shift the responsiblity and shrug it off, but I wont. Not to this friend and not to this situation. I am going to take full responsibility of this cause this friend and I are often so tight, but there are many things that I have buried within me, the hidden irritations that I dont want to say it cause there is always a rightful answer behind all my accusations.

Yet, I wonder what I should do. Is this a Me thing, where only I see it and feel irritated? If so, then I must do something about it. To appreciate the person as God's creation. To see chirst in that person. Or perhaps its not just me.

I hate this part of life, when it turns sour.

Emo...

I'm feeling freaking emo right now.

They are a cute couple together. What he did was very sweet. I agree, no doubt, but I dont think I can take in all in when I'm alone. Its not like I couldn't do something like that for someone, its just that THERE IS NO ONE I WANT TO DO IT FOR! Feels like everything is going down, as though I have no more reasons to live for.

Then I look to another. Well, that one is taken too. But every now and then I get a dose of what I thought was love but its nothing more than just being friendly/civil. She being nice kills me. And what a partner to get in a game, its like God's pratical joke. Just that I know He wouldn't take it out on my fragile heart like this.

The Spirit is hungry, but the flesh and the mind is weak. Weak in taking in and mediating on His words. Weak in self control. The Spirit wants to soar with Him, but the body is too heavy.

I'm tiring myself out for no reason. Lost the motivation to work or anything in that matter of fact. I'm not depressed or losing it, but just feeling FREAKING BUAY SONG!

Tsk Tsk

Yes yes, I know, I know.

Call me dumb;

call me damn retarded la;

call me careless;

call me kan cheong spider.

But it wasnt totally my fault. The fellow from Berklee gave me the wrong info also!!!

Anyway what happened is that I felt that there was something wrong when they replied me that they did not have my records for any auditions and so I went back to the website to check again. There I found my mistake.

Auditions/Interviews for Spring(January) Semester 2010 will commence from April through August.

Ok. So there, I think I need not worry anymore. God will seriously provide, His plan is perfect. There's no doubt.

Any besides being the above, at least there were some nice comments like:

" He's giving you this one big time period to go practise and get more skillzz. "

" Start praying earlier is good. "

and the most classic of it all:

" That's a good mistake :D "

That is the funniest of it all. Thanks Uncle Henry! But through this and everything, I see God's hand in my life. Paving the way, putting everything together and even when I'm so worried and anxious, He helped me see my mistake and have a good laugh at it. Thank you Lord. You are indeed an Amazing God.

Ramble Ramble

Some things that happened today:

1) Worship in the YA today was rather good. I enjoyed playing and I felt that everyone did very well.

2) Dan Tan and Caleb Lai attempted to do a Hillsongs medley. I must say they sounded quite good. It was a very good attempt seriously.

3) Busted my lunch fast by eating at Soup Spoon. I think I wont eat there again soon cause I don't really like it anymore. Its losing its novelty to me.

4) Bought macarons from Bakerzin. They are lovely man. Thanks to Darius for the discount.

5) Walked around town. Yawn.

6) Went to buy Joyce's new HTC touch 3G @ Starhub. Met Cass's JC friend.

7) Dinner at Eastern Restaurant. The food there is nice. Above average. And there goes my fast for the day. And we met Shaun Tan there!

I actually don't know why I'm blogging this. Its just pure ramble. But I need to say some thing, Like blog something cause at this moment, the notice for Berklee's audition is not yet in and I am beginning to be anxious. Oh God please help!