Drown me in...

I clicked on my bookmark it loaded: http://-tomato.blogspot.com/

I wonder if its instinct or habit or I'm missing her or what? I just wonder what am I doing man.

I heard a song, and it maybe me felt like I knew what I was born to do. I wanna be drowned in music. I wanna be embraced by it. Carried away by it. Swept away by it. But I wonder if I still can do it. Daddy told me I might have to work after NS before I can go and study Audio Engineering in Aussieland.

Drown me in God, Music, "You". I can live like this. I breathe God, Music, "You". I can survive like that. I wanna wake up to "You", God, Music. That is how I wish for my day to start. I have God, I have music, I'm missing "You". Where are "You"? I thought I've found "You". But I guess "You" were not meant to be. Maybe I'll substitute "You" with a certain "Her" till "You" comes along.

I dont know. Life goes on I guess.

Weird Feelings

You only miss something when its gone... Like School. You miss school only when its over. And when you're in school, you wished it would be over soon. It applies to people too. You'll only miss the person when he/she is gone. In anyway, relative to the past on the time spent with the person. But I'm not sure when you are with the person, you wished time would pass faster.

In the same way, I think I can be both happy and sad at the same time. I think life at this moment, now, is rather good. I'm enjoying it. But I wonder what am I missing in life. I suddenly cant put feelings into words. I'm quite lost for words. Maybe I know the reason, I'm just suppressing the thought. Maybe that is why I'm feeling this way, but I just dont want to admit.

I'm emotionally wrecked now. I'm just not thinking straight, not being rational. I wished I could drink it away, but I have to work tomorrow. Alcohol isn't going to make things better now. I wish I had a remedy to this. Life's good but its kinda fucked too.

Supper!

I'm feeling happy now. I just went to have supper with my folks. They are in a good mood today and Daddy brought us to a new place to makan. I dont know what is really wrong, but ever since I become close to her again, I've been eating fishball noodles and bah chor mee quite often enough. Its quite funny huh?

Ok, this place that we went to is at Block 1 Aljunied Road. The fishball noodles is damn good. As least to my dad and I. Mummy said it was fine. But dad and I loved it. The fishball is chewy and flavourful, they have the fish cake type of fishball, sliced fried fish cake and the fish jiao ( the one that looks like a wanton). The noodles is damn shoik. He gives alot of 'you chang' and the noodle is really DRY. DRY. as in no gravy flowing around. The gravy (chilli sauce or tomato sauce or just plain) is well mixed into the noodles. Thus the noodle taste damn good. I'm so going back there again, with whoever who has a vehicle or when daddy lets me DRIVE =>

Work is good. Today we were all quite cranky and started talking rubbish and just laughing away. I think they'll be quite a cool bunch of people to hangout with seriously. I hope we can maintain contact after this job.

I'm satisfied. I had yummy noodles, a bottle of green tea and full supply of my favourite sweet: Fisherman Friends!

"life is good now, I just want to share it with someone like you..."

Special Sunday

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

That is why she is getting baptised tomorrow. That is why she is taking this step of Faith. That is why she endured weeks of baptism classes.

I'm very happy for her. Tomorrow Heaven will be joyous. There will be feasting and celebration.

As for me? Its back to work tomorrow. The book fair is rather quiet these few days. We are suspecting the quietness due to the food fair that is at EXPO. Or maybe its the Great Singapore Sale that is taking everyone away from fairs to shopping centres.

My colleagues are nice peeps. They are very fun people to work with too! We crack jokes while we work, people watch comment on things, just being quite rubbish. Its like at these kind of place where there is long working hours and you are basically seeing each other all the time, you tend to talk to one another like long time friends. Or maybe I'm too extrovert and too easy going. I make friends easily. Even the booth opposite ours I'm made a few friends there too. Ok, maybe its just me.

Its rather late now and I have to wake up early to cover someone's week of service and go to work tomorrow. GOSH! I need God, I need your super human strength to survive tomorrow. I'm going to sleep now.

Temasek Polytechnic : Hogwarts School of Magic

Now that I look at the pictures again, I reassure myself that TP on Graduation Day really looked like Hogwarts School of Magic. All of us were in Graduation gowns that looked like wizard robe in Harry Potter. I think Its quite funny, but its kinda cool too. I've quite liked JK Rowling's Harry Potter series and suddenly feeling quite like a wizard was really fun :) Its like letting my imagination run wild. How I wish just for once, I could be part of Rowling's Story.

School Sick?

I miss TP all of the sudden. I really miss the atmosphere that was in school while I was there. I must admit that when I went back to school for the graduation gown, the atmosphere was different. Maybe cause the familiar faces that I used to see are not around anymore. But on graduation day yesterday, I felt really school sick. Those faces, pretty, handsome, normal or ugly faces I probably wont get to see again. No more people watching in TP.

Come to think about it, its the insubstantial friendships that I have made. Its like I know many groups of friends, but most of them are really insubstantial. They wouldn't really call me out for an outing cause though I maybe close to one of them in the whole group, I'm never really part of the group. My group used to be the WOW peeps, but now, its just more or less Nick and Sas.

After so many nights of insomnia, last night was my best night of sleep. I slept really really well. Had a pleasant dream too, which I cant recall now. The secret to a goodnight rest is talking to her. Yup, I'm holding no more to the hope for me to be with her. But just be able to chat with her is really good for my soul. It just simply makes me human.

I dont know why I'm sill reacting this way, but I seriously dont like her boyfriend. It like though I dont like her best friend, who hates me to he core, I still can endure her presence no matter how she might make things difficult for me. But for him, he doesn't need to do anything, I just dont like his presence. Weird? yup I thought so too. Though I've known him for quite sometime, I feel that he isnt like who he used to be. Maybe I'm the one who have changed, in terms of my perspective towards him.

i miss school,
i miss you,
i miss part of my life.

Graduation...

Yup that's tomorrow. I miss school all of a sudden. I miss being busy. Doing things with my poly-mates is really a very enjoyable thing. I miss attachment. The peeps from IBM. I miss lunching and tea-breaking with them. They are really a cool bunch of people.

I miss the atmosphere of being in the busiest canteen of TP. I miss people watching in TP. I dont really miss playing wow in sch, but I miss the people that make my 3 years in TP somewhat memorable.

After tomorrow its like a new phase in life. In 5 months time I would be enlisted and trained to be a soldier, a man. Well, so they say. I wish I could skip this phase of life and be able to study in SAE now. I wanna be a musician, a sound engineer. I wanna always be able to hang out with my buddies from school. Study together, grow up together, see their girlfriends/boyfriends, see them getting married and setting up families.

I dont know after tomorrow how I can be in touch with them anymore, or impact their lives. Everytime they tried to jio me out, I have a clashing appointment with church peeps or something else. I pray that Lord, maybe through music I can do something. I can affect them someway.

Life is boring at the moment. Cant find a job that would last me for 4 months, no activities to keep me occupied. Everyone seems to be busy with something. I cant keep hogging her, she got a life and a boyfriend to attend to. Lord, what do you want me to do?

Someone come and keep me occupied please?