CNY

I know this post is titled CNY, but its more like a rant post. No, I'm not ranting cause I am angry kinda rant, I rant cause I just happen to feel like it :) Yes I am a feeler if you have not already known.

So what is this all about? Well, recently I've been having mixed/contradicting thoughts in my head. For example, going back home during CNY is mainly for the family. To meet extended relatives who you probably meet once a year and when the older people pass on into the afterlife, we generally stop visiting altogether. Well, this time round CNY is for me, to meet up relatives from my Mum side and CPC people. I am homesick, for the first time in my life I actually feel homesick. I wonder what December in Singapore did to me, but I am homesick. My heart wants me back in SG yet my mind is in KL. Its with the amount of homework and practice I am missing out, its with 2 special people in KL, its with issues that are happening around me in school.

Speaking of which, I know how much God loves me when He consistently places someone eligible in front of me. Its a test and its also an assurance of His never ending ability to provide. This semester, there happen to be a girl who is rather low profile, unassuming, a pianist and sings rather well in my class. To top it off, she is Cute! She stays in PJ (what are the odds!) and is a Christian! (half the previous odds again!) In my mind I was like, PERFECT! But this voice in my head whisper to guard your heart boy...

I know I know, this is really not a good time to get into a relationship for fun. I need to make sure that I can cope with dating and with studying. Not only that, all the other eligible girls whom I have considered and prayed about. I dont wanna rush something that I am gonna have for a life time.

I might compare or even equate it with buying a guitar, but I know girls out there will kill me. Even so, if you really know me, I love my guitar very much. I think I will love a girl just as much or even more. I believe that it will be even more and at the moment, I love my guitars very much.

You see, when I buy a guitar, I look for what catch my eyes. I wanna see if it looks good. Then I would pick it up and play it. I wanna hear if the tone is something I like or am looking for. Next I would feel the guitar, I wanna feel if I can connect with her. That is what I generally look for, the looks, the tone and the feel. You could pretty much say the same for me when I look for a life partner. Except for the fact that I can have a few guitars and play what I want to, feel like playing at that moment, that's something I can never do to my wife. NEVER!

Saying never isnt tagged with a bad connotation behind it. Saying never is a promise that I'll be faithful. Saying never is a reminder that I must not be living in the old man where I get tired of something and I look to something new. Ah what a long post on girls and guitars. But oh well, they are the two things that are frequently on my mind and lips.

You know, as I typed that, I wonder how did David and the Priest and the other Psalmist have God's praises on their mind and lips all day long. I mean, yes, I praise God in all situation. I give thanks and I truly am grateful for all the favours and grace that is upon my life and I wonder, what it would be like to behold the beauty of the Lord, something that King David so desired. I know what its like to behold His glory, but His beauty? Maybe that is the tipping point for me to turn from a son to a lover.

Love, lover, seems like I cant get out of that topic. God, love, girls, guitar, music, friends and family. My world kinda just revolves all around these things. It isnt good or bad, just interesting.

Well anyway, this CNY is my last lepak period. Right after this, when I get back, its a disciplined, full steam ahead, 100% all in, time. When I get back, that very week I have to submit my first assignment. Prepare, practice my friday performance, study for ICAs and then work hard for this sem. I know I can do it and make it. Just sacrifice fun for now. I know I might be less sociable, but I dont care. Even if I lose out getting that girl, or whatever. For now, God and studies.

Happy Blessed Chinese New Year everyone. May God shower you with a life that in abundant in Him.