I like to have a relationship with people. Knowing them, pampering them, giving them the best I can, in short, I like to bless others. But I know I am very bad at protecting one. If the relationship turn a little sour, I would not know how best to prevent it from worsening. At best I usually keep quiet and keep a distance. However, if the person decides to make up with me I would usually be easily warmed up again into what the relationship used to be. (that being said, I am not saying that I am always right and that people have to make up with me cause they were at fault. The fact is that I dont know how to start again to make good what turned bad. I dont know what to do cause I am not sure if my approach will worsen the situation. In this sense I am not very wise on what to do next. And often, after a long cold period, I would not be proactive in that person's life anymore.)
By now I and most of my like minded close friends would have realised that God is very relational too. He loves nothing more than being with you. He too like to know you more (not that He doesnt already), pamper you and give you the best He can give (which really is everything you can ever possibly think of!) But what He does best is loving you till you cant say no. And not knowing to me before, I was brought up and taught this unconsciously.
I love and I love with a passion. Guitars, drums, bass, music. I do a lot of research and arm myself with knowledge of that matter. I wanna know what makes it happen and all these back end knowledge is very important to me. Practical skills are important to me as well, but I am too lazy, somehow I cant find a love or a relation to get it going all the time yet. I need to find a way to do it. Perhaps things like these are too individualistic and I dont like it. I need to be around people.
Me, being me, loves with a passion mean I like to know a person I am interested in more. From what she likes to what she doesnt like. From what makes her happy and what makes her sad. Everything. I would find out what makes her tickle and what makes her tick. That's me. And I would pamper and give all that I can to the best of what I have to bless her.
Somehow, that scares girls. I dont know if any girl out there is reading this, perhaps you can shed some light on this to help me. But I am beginning to realise that God is not a lover in a rush. He is what I said above, pampering and all that, but He is never in a hurry. I think that is why He told me to guard my heart. Not that I shouldnt fall in love, but to watch how I fall. Keep that heart guarded so that I can hear Him and follow and not let my heart and mind wonder to nowhere and jeopardize the relationship.
This desire to be in a relationship has always been there. And now I am learning how to be a lover. There are times to be there and time to be away. If you are important to the person, she'll come back to you. I am saying this even though I hate it so much. I hate it cause what if you are not important? Then you'll be away till kingdom come?
I've never been so "gone" in awhile. Back awhile ago I managed to guard my heart and set my eyes on my studies. In just one short week I lost it all and almost went crazy emotionally. Thanks to Ms Pinyi that I remain sane. This time it was a combination of how I was in love with V and how I was with G. Now its like stalemate. Bad timing and I dont know what else. Giving her the space and time that she needs to complete her work first.
As for me? Hoping for the best. That is what Faith is about, in a God who loves me the most and in the bestest best way. This is my new season, from knowing the Father's love to knowing how to be a son and now knowing how to be a lover. Its true that we are Human Be-ings. We be-come like He who made us in His image :D
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