What would all these mean?

Today 2 persons told me the one truth I dread to hear. But I thank God that He has given me excellent observation skills to know and see what is going on. That before the truth hits me, I am already prepared of what is to come.

One thing that I have told God was that no matter what happens to me in my life, I would not give up my faith or blame Christ.

I have given her up to God many times before. I've told God that taking her away wouldnt cause me to hate Him or cease to believe in Him. But I need to reconcil with Him about the vision that He has given me awhile ago. It had her and audio engineering and AG Home in one vision. I was something about He has put these desires in my heart and He will seal it with the Holy Spirit.

If one doesnt seem to come to pass, would it mean that all of it wouldnt since they are all from the one same vision?

I wonder what it is all about. Sometimes I think that the result of these all is because I ceased to be close to God. I've stopped reading His word for a while. Why, I dont know. Maybe cuase I felt sian or not worthy to continue since I'm sinning all the time. I dont know. I really dont. I thank God that we are saved by grace and not by works. However, we are told to WORK OUT our faith and I think this is what I have not been doing.

All along I know I have been a jack of all trade and master of none. I can do many things but I'm not pro at it. Some things I am almost pro but many others I'm just average. I can hold out while you look for a pro-er person to take my place.

I wonder if I have to freelance all my life? I like to be a chef, a musician, a sound engineer, a worship pastor. I dont know where my life would take me to but I would go and do it IF only God said so. The only problem for me is that I dont know when God said YES! I might have missed it, or misread His signs and hints. I really dont know. This has been the hardest crossroad for me. Please lead me to where YOU want me to be?

I hope You O'LORD would lead me to Your Cross, let me kneel at Your throne once again. I dont wanna do anything else that would not satisfy my soul and rob You of Your Glory.