August Rush

I've just finished watching August Rush as the expense of my sleep, though I reckon tomorrow would almost be a nothing-to-do day again.

I am really amazed at the story of how a young boy is so determined to find his parents. His belief in music that it could bring him back to the one who gave it to him really struck a chord with me.

For me, music brings me back to the One who gave me music, God. Not just any music but worship songs. Songs that speak about God and was written by people when the Holy Spirit inspired them to. That's what makes worship songs different. It calls you back to the One who inspired them to be written.

Just like the show, Evan Taylor's "August Rhapsody" brought not only his parents back together, it also brought them to him as well. Its a story that I really enjoyed and I really relate to each of the characters in the show at different parts of their screen life.

I know I am no prodigy. I cant touch an instrument and play whatever I hear in my head. I cant translate that onto the instruments. Yes, I might have many melodies in my head, but I cant remember them after humming them out. But I feel the draw to be immerse in music.

Beyond that, I like to write music, compose them when the Holy Spirit inspire me to. So that the music that is played would then draw others to God and not to me, for God inspired it all. Its a tool I know I can use to draw other to Christ.

As I watched the show earlier, I imagined what if I was Evan Taylor conducting the Orchestra. I imagined myself giving credits to the Orchestra as it reaches the last few bars of the piece and then walk off the stage, join my parents and exit the park. As the Orchestra comes to the end of the piece, they would stand to receive a standing ovation from the audience, enjoying the appreciation that they so well deserve. And as for me? I don't need the fame or recognition of a brilliant composer, I just want to be found by my parents.

I pray that in the same way, if I ever reach to a point that I become someone well known, I want to be able to walk off that stage and give the Glory to my Father in heaven. I dont need the fame or the glory, I just need to be His child.

Rainbows!

On my way home from work today I saw a double rainbow. One was above the other. The lower one was bolder in colour whereas the upper one was rather faint. I didnt usually took this route home from work, but since I was accompanying my friend home, I changed my route of travel.

As I see the rainbow, I am reminded of Noah's story. God used a rainbow to symbolise His everlasting covenant with Noah. And I thought, is God showing me the same thing? And its a double rainbow, so what is He double confirming? As I walked towards my house, I thought of my application and I wonder if God was telling me not to worry as He has an everlasting covenant with me.

I am excited as I begin this lent fasting and praying and seeking God. I am sure He will begin to show me more of Himself and His kingdom. How often does one get to see a rainbow, lest it be a double one! I pray God will help me to gain more understanding of this rainbow and what He is about to do in my life and in the church.

Sent my hope...

I've done it.I sent in an online application for Berklee's College of Music online on the 210209. I applied for the 2010 Spring Semester. I decided to do it cause the audition for entry and scholarship application starts in March and I better not waste time waiting for something to happen. I prayed and sat through the long application. It had 3 sections of many parts that I had to fill up. I took 5 minutes break in between some parts simply because it was very long or it needed a long answer.

I am thankful to God that I have managed to contact the right people and get the right information to apply for this school. Though funds are an issue now, let me not worry about it but pray consistantly about getting into the school first. I can worry about my funding after I actually get accepted. I am very excited about when I am going for the audition. Everything seems to be on my own, but I feel safe cause I know God is with me through it all. In my insecurity, I find peace in what I did.

Yesterday I asked my God ma to help me send out a prayer request for my audit. I felt that I needed a community to pray with me, alongside with me, even as I pray and petition for a good grading for my audit. I am worried cuase I feel very unprepared. Even with the number of OTs and preparation I've done, I still felt very uncertained about what was to happen.

Today, I give thanks to God who is faithful and beyond my understanding. Not only did I pass the audit, but there were no findings! I couldnt believe it. I thought, surely somewhere, somehow, there should be a fault. But God answered the very prayer I utterd. I prayed, Dear Lord, please make the auditors blind to the errors and fault. Let me get pass this audit smoothly. And there He answered my prayers.He really made the auditors blind to the errors commited. There was this one page with a few missing numbers, I spotted it but the auditor didnt and he just flipped passed it without realising the error!). My faith has increased in my God who is able to do much more than you asked for!

I also fasted for this audit. My mum was the encouraging factor. In the morning she smsed me saying that she would be praying and fasting for my audit. And so I decided to fast for this aduit as well (Thank God again for the good timing as my audit was in the afternoon, giving me enough time to fast and pray). There is really power in prayer and fasting. Though you may not know it when you are going through the test, but after it all, the peace, the ease of going through the test will suddenly make you realise that there is a supernatural presence that enabled you through it. I was amazed at the ease of the process and the time it took altogether.

I thank God in being in charge of my life and the things that are happening around me. He took me back into His presence very timely and I intend to journey with Him through this time of lent to see His resolute toward the cross and His passion, that I might catch on and I pray that it would then lead me to have His compassion for His people, telling them that Jesus loves you.

What would all these mean?

Today 2 persons told me the one truth I dread to hear. But I thank God that He has given me excellent observation skills to know and see what is going on. That before the truth hits me, I am already prepared of what is to come.

One thing that I have told God was that no matter what happens to me in my life, I would not give up my faith or blame Christ.

I have given her up to God many times before. I've told God that taking her away wouldnt cause me to hate Him or cease to believe in Him. But I need to reconcil with Him about the vision that He has given me awhile ago. It had her and audio engineering and AG Home in one vision. I was something about He has put these desires in my heart and He will seal it with the Holy Spirit.

If one doesnt seem to come to pass, would it mean that all of it wouldnt since they are all from the one same vision?

I wonder what it is all about. Sometimes I think that the result of these all is because I ceased to be close to God. I've stopped reading His word for a while. Why, I dont know. Maybe cuase I felt sian or not worthy to continue since I'm sinning all the time. I dont know. I really dont. I thank God that we are saved by grace and not by works. However, we are told to WORK OUT our faith and I think this is what I have not been doing.

All along I know I have been a jack of all trade and master of none. I can do many things but I'm not pro at it. Some things I am almost pro but many others I'm just average. I can hold out while you look for a pro-er person to take my place.

I wonder if I have to freelance all my life? I like to be a chef, a musician, a sound engineer, a worship pastor. I dont know where my life would take me to but I would go and do it IF only God said so. The only problem for me is that I dont know when God said YES! I might have missed it, or misread His signs and hints. I really dont know. This has been the hardest crossroad for me. Please lead me to where YOU want me to be?

I hope You O'LORD would lead me to Your Cross, let me kneel at Your throne once again. I dont wanna do anything else that would not satisfy my soul and rob You of Your Glory.

Random update

Its been a long while since I've last blog. It isnt that there is nothing going on, but I am just very lazy to put my thoughts into words and journalise it. There are many ups and downs and I cant say that my life now is living right.

Work is very busy and stressed at the moment as audits and exercises and ops are about to come. I've been clearing shit that has been accumulated over the years and fighting fire as things become more and more urgent.

Church has become like a stock market to me. Somedays high, other days lows, and sometimes it crashes. I like the teaching that is still going on in church. I feel that the teaching of God's word is very important. It keeps me rooted and reminded and thinking and the words just keep going round and round in my head. What really gets me down its the people. Sometimes I just dont wanna face them.

I feel lost in the world that I am living in now. I have to decide what paths I want to take. I keep feeling in adequate and I ask God to give me the gifts frist before I believe. This attitude of mine is just so terrible and utterly wrong. I should believe first and do, with or without the gifts, doing it for God. I am afraid to take the wrong step, but, God has shown me thus far that no matter what's wrong, He can always make it right.

And I've stopped thinking about my life partner, who ever shall be, will be. No point fretting. I give up. Oh Happy Valentine's by the way. A day that I've stopped remembering. I only remember it cause I received a well wishing SMS.

Just came back from watching the curious case of benjamin button and I quite like the show. Though it very long, I found it very interesting. Though the show portrayed a life that is a little too perfect to live in. But one can dream, cant they?