I was just browsing facebook whern I saw a video shared by my NS unit officer titled: Love Language.
Out of curiousity, I clicked on it to find out if the same one that we talked about in the YA. This video really changed my view on what perfection is and questioned my acceptance of others.
Watching this short video and the music that went along with it, stirred up a deep emotion within me. I was touched. I was touched by the simplicity of the love the guy had for this girl.
I was thinking, what if I were the guy in the video. Could I say that "You're still beautiful?" Would I have reacted in a really negative way and never want to see this girl again?
I find that yes, some people who are born with defect or are handicap either at birth or later in life seem to have much hate and self pity. But am I able to look pass that? Am I able to accept them first with their imperfection and then deal with the rest of these issues later?
I talked to God why I thought of them this way initially and why do I now seem to have a sudden deep empathy for them?
I thought hard about it and relating to the video, I felt that the girl is actually pretty enough for me to accept her for being deaf. I actually think that talking via writing is actually better for me cause I wont hurt her that much as compared to talking. I talk to fast for my own good. Words hardly go through my brains, it just come straight out of my mouth. When I write I have to think, how I phrase it and the spelling and all that takes a longer process then talking.
As I thought about this it sort of occurred to me that people who are deaf or mute or blind are sort of more creative. These defect/handicap seem to have made their other senses more acute. I mean God is a great God, He doesnt make anything bad. I have no idea how imperfections like these come about (like why did he allow the devil to steal or destroy this ability?), but I can live with mystery and above that I can live and wait out for a miracle to manifest. In the words of De wen, "I believe that its healed already. I'm just waiting for the healing to manifest." This is the greatest testimony that I think a person can give to God for. Not that He made a defect to make it good again so that He can be glorified. But I believe that in His goodness, He would never make a person handicap. We are born into a fallen world and the devil has come to steal kill and destroy. Whatever he has stolen or destroyed, we can claim it back in the name of Jesus and restore what God has intended it to be in the beginning. This is what Jesus meant by "on earth as it is in heaven".
Somehow thoughts like this scares me. Its like God saying "Nice one son, you finally got the idea. Now how about a wife who is really beautiful but is deaf/mute/blind? Would you accept her and love her like I do? Or how about a son/daughter who is deaf/mute/blind or any defects? Are you able to love him/her like I do? You know these thoughts brings tears to my eyes cause I feel the pain the Father feels when He sees His creation like this.
Yet He has a greater plan in Heaven to use you to manifest His love and His power just as it was written in Isaiah 61 and fulfilled by Jesus who read it in Luke 4:18-19, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He anointed Me to preach the Gospel to the poor. He has sent Me to PROCLAIM RELEASE to the captives, and RECOVERY OF SIGHT to the blind, TO SET FREE those who are oppressed, to proclaim the favourable year of the Lord". And we are able to do all these because "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." And "Greater things you shall do when I go to my Father."
The promises of Jesus never fails. His love never fails, His death has given us victory over any circumstances.
On the more human side of me, I was just thinking. If lets say I really do have a girlfriend who is beautiful and to die for but she is say, deaf. Maybe she is really creative and can draw very well (think prophetic art) or have an artistic eye (think photography). Even if she is mute, I think its still fine. I think I would only be upset if she is blind. I dont know how to accept if she is blind. I dont know why, that is what I was thinking about, what I can accept and what I cant.
But in anycase, right now, if God really wants to do something like this to me, like what I mentioned above, I am ready to accept someone who is deaf or mute.
"Perfect love cast out all fear..."
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tony Kim
That was the guest speaker at ANC last week from Fri to Sun and he is really a very normal person who is passionate about Jesus. He is very similar to Sarah, they both teach and the wanna activate the body to do the work and they take a step back and let Jesus work through others. He said his calling is to make others great. If you are doing better than him, he is going to be a fan of yours. He has no issues with you becoming greater.
Below are the points which I have noted for 3 different sessions. I enjoyed his teaching.
Session 1:
- Covenant family isnt about what I can get from you but what I can give to you.
(The context is that this is his first time in asia and first time meeting with Ps Chris and he knows that this isnt going to be the last time. He has a bond with this place)
- A new wave that God is creating with a new generation. (Generation here is defined as young and old. Not just the youths or the young adults. Its everyone who is living now.)
(He said this because he had a dream about asia and Malaysia and Singapore were one of the few countries he saw. He saw pillars of fire fall in these countries and revival happened in these places)
- Inheirtance is something that you get without you working. You are gaining someone's else's hard work. And if you planned this for generations to come, each generation will move in a greater measure because the legacy that is left behind will grow and each ceiling becomes the next's floor. The standards can only get higher!
- If we declare the good news but there is no demonstration, that is only half truth. Jesus declare and demonstrated what the kingdom was.
- With God there is no failure. So if you do not pass the test, you will have to keep doing it over and over again till you pass. This is how God works on your character. Each time when the test looks similar, ask God to teach you how to pass it. What character or which part of your life he is refining.
- David embraced the process of promise, so did Joseph. What you did in secret, any battle you win in the private will give you victory in public. (I wonder if its the same with sin, just that God wont expose it cause He is love)
- Attitude shows the position of the heart.
- "Jesus went and cleared the temple. Isnt our body also the temple of the Holy Spirit? Jesus who resides there wants to clear the tables and the altars that are not of Him. My house shall be called a house of prayer, I propose that you are that house, praying without ceasing!" - Tony Kim
- You have authority over what you overcome.
Session 2:
- When God asks a question, there is a point behind it. Eg, Who do they say that I am. And who do you say that I am.
The context is taken from Matt 16:13-16
Man needs affirmation but Jesus doesnt. It is always easy to answer a question directed at someone else but is it easy to answer one that is directed at you?
- If you wanna go to the next level of supernatural, there is a price to pay; Your Reputation. Do you dare to be ridiculous for God?
- Here we did an exercise: What does God think about you.
"You are an overcomer. You were made to rise up in a crisis and be a great leader. One of the 24 thrones in heaven belongs to you and you reign with me. You have a very gentle heart that loves like no other. That is why I love you so much, I am teaching you to love not just what is easy, or what you like but also those who are difficult and different. But you'll lose being cool around others."
- Thanksgiving increases the measure of God's blessings (as shown with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes)
- Be faithful with what you have.
- God doesnt endorse what we wanna do, but He endorses what we are already doing.
- Compassion is the ingredient to walking in the supernatural. Jesus did all these miracles because He sees what the Father is doing and also because He has compassion in His heart.
Session 3:
(Context of the message is taken from Acts during the Pentecost)
- Why do we gather as a church? One, it is to meet up and encourage each other. The other is to be as a body of Christ, waiting for Him to come and meet us. That is the way we party. With Him, in His presence!
- Prayer, God writes history on the backs of intercessors.
(The disciples then were just gathering and praying in the upper room.)
- The number 12 stands for government.
(They cast lots to determine who would replace Judas.)
- Before God pours out new wine, the wine skin has to be complete.
(The 12 member who replaced Judas completed the wine skin.)
(Here he went on to talk about church governance and the role of Apostle, Prophet, Teachers, Pastors and Evangelist. And on this current age where Pastors lead the church and people wants Teachers to teach on the word.)
- "We need to let go of being intellectuals. Yes, knowledge is good. I am not against studying of the word or knowing the word in its original meaning in Greek or Hebrew or anything of that such. But What I am saying here is that we need to let go and stop trying to understand or trying to comprehend what God is doing. Isnt it a wonder why we have no peace when the bible says that He gives us peace beyond understanding and here we keep trying to understand what He is doing." Tony Kim
(addition from Alvin Ong)
What we need to do now is to see where He is at work and join Him. Understanding of His will and what He is doing will come when He reveals His heart to you. He will tell you what He is doing cause in John 15:15 He promised that He will make things known to you as He has called us friends.
- True leadership is not about how much authority you have but how much freedom is given.
- Pursue love and desire gifts (of the Holy Spirit). The gifts of the five fold ministry is from Jesus (to His body, the church) and these are not chased after. They are given by Jesus as a calling.
- The role of the 5 fold ministry is to help the body do the stuffs that Jesus did! The five fold ministry is not only the governance of the church, its also the foundation of the church. That means that it gets stepped upon that others can rise up. Its servant leadership as Jesus demonstrated. How many understand that the bigger the infrastructure the stronger and deeper the foundation has to be.
- The bible says to make disciples of all nations. Not make disciples of all people. We need to know what we are doing. (Selah)
- The river that flows from the throne is deepest away from the throne. And that means our of our comfort zone if we wanna go deep. And the best part is that we can breathe underwater.
- If we were made to give, how did we get tired of giving? Its because we give away somethings that we are supposed to keep. That is when we get burnt out. If we give, we have to give away out of our overflow. How to be overflowing? To be in His presence continually. We are supposed to leak!
(This is in context of the story of Gideon. When the angel of the Lord appeared to him and said to him, "God is with you, O Valiant Warrior." Gideon was then hiding in the wine press thrashing wheat. He was feeling insignificant and small but the Angel of the Lord called him otherwise, which is a prophetic declaration. The three words "O VALIANT WARRIOR" changed his life. Judges 6-7)
- God knows that if He allows us to do what He has promised but our hearts are not in the right position yet, we will proclaim that we did it in our own strength.
- God wants our hearts to be in the right position, totally dependent on Him so that He can work through us.
- When you see the bad side of things, ask God for what could be instead. And declare the instead, which is the gold in others.
Prophetic word from Tony Kim:
"You'll be playing more than just instruments. You are an instrument itself. You will be composing, producing and I see a record label in your heart. A name will be given for your label and you'll be releasing prophetic sound of heaven onto earth. I sense a strong Davidic anointing on your life and you will be teaching generations on how to live a life of worship. Fathering a movement for this generation."
Exciting times ahead yea? ANC is in its Kairos moment. I am so glad to be part of it. Here and now! It seems like where ever I go, I am part of the most Charismatic Protestant Denominations(eg, CPC: most charismatic Presbyterian Church; ANC most Charismatic Brethren Church) which are not known for being charismatic at all. I think I am an atmosphere changer, a radical :D
Below are the points which I have noted for 3 different sessions. I enjoyed his teaching.
Session 1:
- Covenant family isnt about what I can get from you but what I can give to you.
(The context is that this is his first time in asia and first time meeting with Ps Chris and he knows that this isnt going to be the last time. He has a bond with this place)
- A new wave that God is creating with a new generation. (Generation here is defined as young and old. Not just the youths or the young adults. Its everyone who is living now.)
(He said this because he had a dream about asia and Malaysia and Singapore were one of the few countries he saw. He saw pillars of fire fall in these countries and revival happened in these places)
- Inheirtance is something that you get without you working. You are gaining someone's else's hard work. And if you planned this for generations to come, each generation will move in a greater measure because the legacy that is left behind will grow and each ceiling becomes the next's floor. The standards can only get higher!
- If we declare the good news but there is no demonstration, that is only half truth. Jesus declare and demonstrated what the kingdom was.
- With God there is no failure. So if you do not pass the test, you will have to keep doing it over and over again till you pass. This is how God works on your character. Each time when the test looks similar, ask God to teach you how to pass it. What character or which part of your life he is refining.
- David embraced the process of promise, so did Joseph. What you did in secret, any battle you win in the private will give you victory in public. (I wonder if its the same with sin, just that God wont expose it cause He is love)
- Attitude shows the position of the heart.
- "Jesus went and cleared the temple. Isnt our body also the temple of the Holy Spirit? Jesus who resides there wants to clear the tables and the altars that are not of Him. My house shall be called a house of prayer, I propose that you are that house, praying without ceasing!" - Tony Kim
- You have authority over what you overcome.
Session 2:
- When God asks a question, there is a point behind it. Eg, Who do they say that I am. And who do you say that I am.
The context is taken from Matt 16:13-16
Man needs affirmation but Jesus doesnt. It is always easy to answer a question directed at someone else but is it easy to answer one that is directed at you?
- If you wanna go to the next level of supernatural, there is a price to pay; Your Reputation. Do you dare to be ridiculous for God?
- Here we did an exercise: What does God think about you.
"You are an overcomer. You were made to rise up in a crisis and be a great leader. One of the 24 thrones in heaven belongs to you and you reign with me. You have a very gentle heart that loves like no other. That is why I love you so much, I am teaching you to love not just what is easy, or what you like but also those who are difficult and different. But you'll lose being cool around others."
- Thanksgiving increases the measure of God's blessings (as shown with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes)
- Be faithful with what you have.
- God doesnt endorse what we wanna do, but He endorses what we are already doing.
- Compassion is the ingredient to walking in the supernatural. Jesus did all these miracles because He sees what the Father is doing and also because He has compassion in His heart.
Session 3:
(Context of the message is taken from Acts during the Pentecost)
- Why do we gather as a church? One, it is to meet up and encourage each other. The other is to be as a body of Christ, waiting for Him to come and meet us. That is the way we party. With Him, in His presence!
- Prayer, God writes history on the backs of intercessors.
(The disciples then were just gathering and praying in the upper room.)
- The number 12 stands for government.
(They cast lots to determine who would replace Judas.)
- Before God pours out new wine, the wine skin has to be complete.
(The 12 member who replaced Judas completed the wine skin.)
(Here he went on to talk about church governance and the role of Apostle, Prophet, Teachers, Pastors and Evangelist. And on this current age where Pastors lead the church and people wants Teachers to teach on the word.)
- "We need to let go of being intellectuals. Yes, knowledge is good. I am not against studying of the word or knowing the word in its original meaning in Greek or Hebrew or anything of that such. But What I am saying here is that we need to let go and stop trying to understand or trying to comprehend what God is doing. Isnt it a wonder why we have no peace when the bible says that He gives us peace beyond understanding and here we keep trying to understand what He is doing." Tony Kim
(addition from Alvin Ong)
What we need to do now is to see where He is at work and join Him. Understanding of His will and what He is doing will come when He reveals His heart to you. He will tell you what He is doing cause in John 15:15 He promised that He will make things known to you as He has called us friends.
- True leadership is not about how much authority you have but how much freedom is given.
- Pursue love and desire gifts (of the Holy Spirit). The gifts of the five fold ministry is from Jesus (to His body, the church) and these are not chased after. They are given by Jesus as a calling.
- The role of the 5 fold ministry is to help the body do the stuffs that Jesus did! The five fold ministry is not only the governance of the church, its also the foundation of the church. That means that it gets stepped upon that others can rise up. Its servant leadership as Jesus demonstrated. How many understand that the bigger the infrastructure the stronger and deeper the foundation has to be.
- The bible says to make disciples of all nations. Not make disciples of all people. We need to know what we are doing. (Selah)
- The river that flows from the throne is deepest away from the throne. And that means our of our comfort zone if we wanna go deep. And the best part is that we can breathe underwater.
- If we were made to give, how did we get tired of giving? Its because we give away somethings that we are supposed to keep. That is when we get burnt out. If we give, we have to give away out of our overflow. How to be overflowing? To be in His presence continually. We are supposed to leak!
(This is in context of the story of Gideon. When the angel of the Lord appeared to him and said to him, "God is with you, O Valiant Warrior." Gideon was then hiding in the wine press thrashing wheat. He was feeling insignificant and small but the Angel of the Lord called him otherwise, which is a prophetic declaration. The three words "O VALIANT WARRIOR" changed his life. Judges 6-7)
- God knows that if He allows us to do what He has promised but our hearts are not in the right position yet, we will proclaim that we did it in our own strength.
- God wants our hearts to be in the right position, totally dependent on Him so that He can work through us.
- When you see the bad side of things, ask God for what could be instead. And declare the instead, which is the gold in others.
Prophetic word from Tony Kim:
"You'll be playing more than just instruments. You are an instrument itself. You will be composing, producing and I see a record label in your heart. A name will be given for your label and you'll be releasing prophetic sound of heaven onto earth. I sense a strong Davidic anointing on your life and you will be teaching generations on how to live a life of worship. Fathering a movement for this generation."
Exciting times ahead yea? ANC is in its Kairos moment. I am so glad to be part of it. Here and now! It seems like where ever I go, I am part of the most Charismatic Protestant Denominations(eg, CPC: most charismatic Presbyterian Church; ANC most Charismatic Brethren Church) which are not known for being charismatic at all. I think I am an atmosphere changer, a radical :D
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Interestingly Accurate
Dear Alvin Ong, below are your love test result:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You fall in love quickly and easily.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : In a relationship you give 50% and expect 50% in return.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like to get the person yourself.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like to see him/her a lot.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You love the person the way s/he is.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You will tend to stay in love for a long time.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You fall in love quickly and easily.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : In a relationship you give 50% and expect 50% in return.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like to get the person yourself.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like to see him/her a lot.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You love the person the way s/he is.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You will tend to stay in love for a long time.
Different Ethnic?
I think I like Sabahan girls... Weird huh. But I connect with them pretty well. Even though I cant speak malay and then I become the joke... blah, whatever, they are cute :D
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Only Exception
When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist
But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist
But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Timing
Timing is important in every aspect that I look at now.
Thinking of the opportunities that might have been present to play with excellent musicians, I find that in the end, it all come about because the time is right. Even for me now as I study music, its the right time cause I am old enough to think for myself. If I were thrown here earlier, I am not sure if I can manage it all.
In love, timing needs to be right also. Knowing when to pursue, when to let go, its all about timing.
Even in playing music, timing is very important. The common factor where everyone sits on. The time and space of notes and rhythm. Timing is so important no one can stress about it any further.
But what really amazes me is when KV was talking about time. God is in time. For us time is a measure. We can look back and now, but we can only predict or foretell the future. Nothing is certain. But God, He can move in and out of time and therefore He knows what is predestined and He chose you first before you chose Him. And if you are in Him, I am pretty sure that your timing in life will always be perfect. Why? Simply because He makes all things good for those who love Him.
My timing is bad, but hopefully improving. Learning to just keep playing with a metronome. And my life's metronome is God. Jesus Himself. To keep in step with the Holy Spirit and live by faith. Often I am too anxious for my own good and I dont know how to guard my heart. I think that is because the love-sick worshipper me has forgotten who is his first love. This is a season to make friends to work hard learn well and be prepared to bring more glory. I miss my Covenant Friends, people who would remind me that I was made to be different. So very often I just wanna drown back into the world and be satisfied there.
But I've learned a very important lesson today. Music is very powerful, it can influence and impact many cause its a voice that they can relate to. But each song is sometimes an escape for the composer/artist/singer and those who listen and can relate to the song. But these are all fantasy, a temporary high, a dream that they wanna be living in but isnt a reality. If you cant get out of a song and you keep living in it, you get into depression, if the song is depressing, or anger if its a frustration or anger kinda song. You get stuck in the persona or the mood of the song. And when it screws you, you look for drugs or whatever vices to find another temporary high yet again. So its a vicious cycle and then you end you life faster.
The point here is get in and get out. Dont live in the music that isnt right. Which is why I believe as a worshipper, living in worship for 24/7 is actually healthy and possible. You just need to know who you are worshipping.
Thinking of the opportunities that might have been present to play with excellent musicians, I find that in the end, it all come about because the time is right. Even for me now as I study music, its the right time cause I am old enough to think for myself. If I were thrown here earlier, I am not sure if I can manage it all.
In love, timing needs to be right also. Knowing when to pursue, when to let go, its all about timing.
Even in playing music, timing is very important. The common factor where everyone sits on. The time and space of notes and rhythm. Timing is so important no one can stress about it any further.
But what really amazes me is when KV was talking about time. God is in time. For us time is a measure. We can look back and now, but we can only predict or foretell the future. Nothing is certain. But God, He can move in and out of time and therefore He knows what is predestined and He chose you first before you chose Him. And if you are in Him, I am pretty sure that your timing in life will always be perfect. Why? Simply because He makes all things good for those who love Him.
My timing is bad, but hopefully improving. Learning to just keep playing with a metronome. And my life's metronome is God. Jesus Himself. To keep in step with the Holy Spirit and live by faith. Often I am too anxious for my own good and I dont know how to guard my heart. I think that is because the love-sick worshipper me has forgotten who is his first love. This is a season to make friends to work hard learn well and be prepared to bring more glory. I miss my Covenant Friends, people who would remind me that I was made to be different. So very often I just wanna drown back into the world and be satisfied there.
But I've learned a very important lesson today. Music is very powerful, it can influence and impact many cause its a voice that they can relate to. But each song is sometimes an escape for the composer/artist/singer and those who listen and can relate to the song. But these are all fantasy, a temporary high, a dream that they wanna be living in but isnt a reality. If you cant get out of a song and you keep living in it, you get into depression, if the song is depressing, or anger if its a frustration or anger kinda song. You get stuck in the persona or the mood of the song. And when it screws you, you look for drugs or whatever vices to find another temporary high yet again. So its a vicious cycle and then you end you life faster.
The point here is get in and get out. Dont live in the music that isnt right. Which is why I believe as a worshipper, living in worship for 24/7 is actually healthy and possible. You just need to know who you are worshipping.
Is it too early...
Is it too early to give up? I really dont know. But the more I know the more I wanna give up. No its not the stories others tell me that is causing me to give up, but the fact that there are so many guys out there who are interested in you. I feel like I stand no where cause you are not giving me the security that I need to invest on. I wonder, what do girls want or need? I have the capability to be financially stable. Though I cant prove it now, but I know I am cause I know who my Provider is.
I also wonder if its too early in falling for you. I should have guarded my heart more, but there was something about you that made me fall. That made me give in and wanna give up my heart. I held it there, plain for the whole world to see that I have placed it in a platter for you. You took it, looked at it and left it on the sides. I dont know anything anymore. I am one who cannot take competitions and I cant fight with others. I need to have a girl who is interested and then I give her all that I can. I love with a passion ad if the passion is being quenched, I will walk away so that my flame wouldnt die out.
I wonder how did you fill my mind so much. I never had this for a long time. You fill it up so much that every waking and sleeping moment, you're there. I often wished and hoped that that is how my relationship is with Daddy, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The same passion and the same level of desire. Oh, I feel so trashy now man.
I dont know what to type or say here. I am trying to let out all the bottled up feelings and be normal towards her. I'm going to step back. Yes I know that I invested a lot. I feel that it is la. 1 Paramore ticket, 1 autographed poster. I dont know if I have been so crazy over a girl. Though the items are few, the cost are high. Oh my gosh, I dont know why I am doing this also.
I am also questioning if I heard wrongly. Fighting for her or fighting over her? I dont know man. She is one girl that I find myself saying 'I dont know' all the time. What do I know now? I need to make my grades stay above 85. You know how people always say 'She is not worth your grades' but to me, any girls that I like, she is worth anything.
Yea, at the moment I am crazy. Yes I am. I hope I become better after tomorrow. I wanna get over her and concentrate on my studies. My future is going to be good, who ever is with me then will benefit. Sorry you cant see my future. But I'm not letting you affect it :D Tata till then...
I also wonder if its too early in falling for you. I should have guarded my heart more, but there was something about you that made me fall. That made me give in and wanna give up my heart. I held it there, plain for the whole world to see that I have placed it in a platter for you. You took it, looked at it and left it on the sides. I dont know anything anymore. I am one who cannot take competitions and I cant fight with others. I need to have a girl who is interested and then I give her all that I can. I love with a passion ad if the passion is being quenched, I will walk away so that my flame wouldnt die out.
I wonder how did you fill my mind so much. I never had this for a long time. You fill it up so much that every waking and sleeping moment, you're there. I often wished and hoped that that is how my relationship is with Daddy, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The same passion and the same level of desire. Oh, I feel so trashy now man.
I dont know what to type or say here. I am trying to let out all the bottled up feelings and be normal towards her. I'm going to step back. Yes I know that I invested a lot. I feel that it is la. 1 Paramore ticket, 1 autographed poster. I dont know if I have been so crazy over a girl. Though the items are few, the cost are high. Oh my gosh, I dont know why I am doing this also.
I am also questioning if I heard wrongly. Fighting for her or fighting over her? I dont know man. She is one girl that I find myself saying 'I dont know' all the time. What do I know now? I need to make my grades stay above 85. You know how people always say 'She is not worth your grades' but to me, any girls that I like, she is worth anything.
Yea, at the moment I am crazy. Yes I am. I hope I become better after tomorrow. I wanna get over her and concentrate on my studies. My future is going to be good, who ever is with me then will benefit. Sorry you cant see my future. But I'm not letting you affect it :D Tata till then...
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