Its always been you

Last night I came back very very late after a nights out.

Drank a lot, but wasn't drunk and upon reaching home I just wanted to sleep. The night has been wasted in my opinion. Something I will keep doing yet I know its a waste. Why? Cause these friends are unforgiving but why do I carry on going out with them? I don't know, maybe cause in army now, they are the bunch of support I need.

I am really sorry for replacing a really close friend's 21st night for this bunch of people. Not that she isn't important, but at least she is more forgiving. I made a hasty agreement to the bunch of guys from camp that I couldn't pull myself out from at the last minute. What kind of an ass friend I am.

Apart from all these wrong events or misused night in my opinion, I realised that there is one thing that had been always been on my mind. Though I rarely like exclaimed and rave on and on about her, I know I do it once in a while, but she is some where there deep in my heart and my mind. Somewhere that at times I forget and somewhere so deep I cannot get it out.

Before I left house I read her blog. Then I went out and then all that was in my mind was drinks and how I have abandoned a 21st for drinking. When I reached home, I showered and collapsed on the bed, sleeping immediately. I woke up from a dream that felt like hours, as though I never did sleep.

In my dream I was up in Malaysia for church camp, but only 2 days. I was there on the second day and the third day then I had to leave. But the events that happened were so weird, it was a mixture of nonsense that I cant detail it properly and its too much of a hassle to recall. But the highlight of it was this. I saw her there and I thought it might be my mind playing games, but her best friend told me that its really her. She flew back just for 1 week to attend church camp. In my haste to see her and to made sure it was her, I went to find her only to be stunned and caught dumbfounded staring at her stuttering a response to what I was doing there.

I then went off in embarrassment cursing at myself for being so stupid. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to go out with her. So I picked up all my courage and went back to find her. She wasn't in her room anymore and I walked back to mine depressed. I walked pass a friend who then informed me that she had left for a shopping centre nearby. I rushed to find someone who was also going there.Thankfully my cousin and his family were also going to the shopping centre and gave me a lift.

Upon reaching the shopping centre, I instinctively went straight to the cinemas, no idea why but I just did. And I saw her at the ticketing counter alone and went up to her and tried to buy us 2 movie tickets. But the lady at the counter was speaking Japanese! I was like what the crap?! In Malaysia? A Japanese speaking movie counter salesgirl? In this second embarrassment, she saved me by speaking to the lady and I paid for 2 tickets to a show I don't know what. As we were walking away from the counter, I wanted to explain my embarrassment or at least make up for looking stupid too many times. But before I could speak, I woke up.

I know this is a long post about a really silly dream, but I remember reading somewhere that said, the person you dream about the most is someone who is your deepest desire. Your mind, conscious or sub conscious, is unable to relate to this person or the desire has been suppressed and when you are asleep and the mind is not controlled by the conscious, it allows bits of this desire to be released to remind the person of this memory or the mind just cant stop thinking about it.

That is one explanation. The other, dreams are from God.
But all in all, it has always been the one same you.