The past 1 week

I was in Tekong for a week. From Tuesday till Friday. In these few days, I had a metamorphosis, an alter ego if I may say.

Let me start by saying that on the day I reached Tekong I saw a medical helicopter flying onto the island. I was telling my friends, why did someone called for a heli-casevac (helicopter casualty evacuation) so early in the morning? Yes, I know there is a POP (passing out parade) but that is a little far too cautious of BMTC (Basic Military Training Centre) itself. Usually a medical helicopter is called in when there is a casualty, not call in for stand by.

Little did I know that when I was making that comment, someone has just passed away in Tekong. I felt so sorry and sad when my friend informed me of what had happened. It should have occurred to me that something really wrong had happened. No way would BMTC call in a medical helicopter just for stand by. How dumb.

Anyway, In Tekong, I was going through Navex (navigation exercise) and foot topography. Both were equally tiring and stressful. I realised that I began to behave really differently. I was loud, vulgar and just being boisterous. I made jokes out of people, cursed and swear with vulgarities used in almost every sentence. I was having fun. I was attracting friends having fun and bonding with my team members.

But when I got home, I realised what had happened to me. I became like the world. There was nothing about me that set me apart. I did not do my quiet time and I didnt read His word. I forgot to pray except saying grace at some mealtimes that I remembered. The presence of God was not with me. And I felt really sad. I wanted to read His word when I came back, wanted to hear His words again but I was too tired to do anything.

For 33 days I was doing my QT and Journaling so regularly when it came to the crunch, I lost it. It takes 38 days of consistently doing something for that thing to become a habit. And for the last 5 days, I lost it. I realise that I am one who starts off well, but I dont finish the race well. I am going to realign my life back to God again. I am very determined this time round to get things right. I dont want to live away from God ever again, its too much to give up.