Bad for health

I think my blog is really unhealthy for the readers. I seem to have the 'feel like blogging' mood only when I'm feeling sad or emo.

Anyway, just a quick update of what had happened thus far.

7th of March - I volunteered to attend and help Pastor Ed with the Synod Youth Leaders Camp. I felt that this was rather God plan as I wasn't supposed to be attending at all. I was helping Daniel Tan, who was the worship leader for the 1st message, as sound crew. This camp is an overnight camp and I thought that Cass and Eunice would definitely be staying, so I just brought clothes to stay over. In the end I was the only one to be staying over in church, the other 2 decided not to.

Anyway, Pastor Ed also didn't know that I would be staying so it was a surprise for him, which ended up being a very pleasant and helpful surprise. I helped him with every little thing that I could in regards to the church property. Like where is this place and that, guide campers to their rooms, boil hot water, buy supper for him, keep watch while he used the girl's toilet to bathe... etc etc. I just took care of all the loose ends.

I felt that the camp was very much planned by God for me to be there. The massage was very much catered to me as it taught and reminded me of some things I needed to know if I really wanted to join the YM and be a youth leader. I really thank God for the speakers.

This camp too I've met someone really important to me. As for now, she is the answer to my prayer but I would like to pray more about it and not jump to conclusion. If you could remember sometime back for the BAG book 3 graduation, we had to spend some quiet moments with God and then write down some goals and stuff and then shared it with a group of people? Well, then I wrote some goals that I have prayed about before, these are not new thoughts but reiterated ones and so I just filled up the paper anyway. I had parallel goals when I filled up the questionnaire. One was for my personal and the other for my own family(when I get married).

I have prayed about serving God as a family, honouring Him by being a model family. It wont mean that we wont have our problems as a family, but we face each encounter in a Christ-like manner with love. I want to model after Gordan and Lina's family if you could understand.

That was my long term goal. To serve God by ministering to others in a family manner. And the short term goal, was to get a girl friend. I know that sounds funny. I blushed and giggled as I shared this with my group, but that is really what I wrote. Get a girl friend this year.

So I was talking to this girl I've met in the camp and we hit off rather well. During one the the session where Rev May Tan was sharing about John Calvin, she mentioned about us being 20 as very old in the past. This was a suitable age that men and women then would have gotten married and have families.

She shocked me with her reply to that statement. She said, "I wont mind."
I replied her, "Are you sure? You're still so young."
She said, "Yup, I'm sure. I wont mind. I planned to get married at 24 actually. I hope to date the guy for 4 years. And I'm 20 now, go do the maths."

I was shocked. She knew what she wanted. For a moment I didn't realise that she would have to be attached this year if that were to happen. I was silenced. In my heart I asked God is this why I'm here. So divinely arranged?

Anyway, nothing else happened after that. I didn't even ask for her number. As for now, I'm just waiting and anticipating what God would do with this life of mine. Its exciting and I'm ready for it.

Back to the topic of why I'm blogging today. I thought of her(eye candy) today and was feeling glum. I heard that she's going to the states for attachment. The thought of her being away for her birthday was rather depressing. I wanted to do something for her, yet, it seems like I wont get to. Maybe this is God's divine plan again? Maybe He wanted me to know that no matter what I do for her, she isn't meant for me.

I wonder if she is going for the BAG replacement outing tomorrow? It could probably be the last time hanging out with her if she is really going on attachment. I'm sure I'll miss her a lot. Who ever she's with next time I'm sure to feel a pinch of jealousy, but I hope that guy is so perfect and good for her that I'll be at peace. I've been like carrying a torch for her since sec 3. Its a long time isn't it? Now I just don't want to include her in the picture. I just want to focus on God and his plan and will and serve Him wholeheartedly.

Please let me see you tomorrow, even if its the last time, I just want to see you.