My dad let me have the car this evening. This is very rare. But God's grace was evermore for me today. When I reached Pastor's house, I just felt that I didnt lock my car door. So, I went back to the car park to check. On my way back down the car park, walking towards pastor's place, I met her and offered to carry her laptop for her. Yes, I was really happy deep down inside. Overjoyed is the right word.
So we entered pastor's house together and I saw the faces of surprise. My goodness, I was beaming with pride, but I had to confess to them that I didnt pick her up. We just happened to meet downstairs.
Well, today's lesson was about relationship, something that was touchy in the group and had to be treaded lots of caution. Things just went on pretty well and I had a new perspective of things. I may hate a person, dislike or what so ever feelings I may have towards a person, but looking at it through the eyes for Jesus, what would I have done? It did pierced me deep. I thought about how Christ would have looked at me and I felt that it was totally unfair for me to just be that way.
I dont want to reconcile. I didnt want to be friends. I feel that by doing so I would be a hypocrite. But that wasnt the issue. The issue was that I dont have to be friends like being in the same clique or have the same interest and likings, but rather can I treat the person with love and to show care and concern when needed? I thought about it long and hard and I told myself yes. If the person needed help, Yes, I'll help. Right now, I have to resolve the hate cause its still there. But loving the enemy like myself, that is something I have a lot to work on.
I am really irritated with the person. Its not just me alone. I'm not influencing people around me or getting them to 'support' my view point, but they themselves have seen and know why I'm irritated.
Anyway, I'm glad I had a good talk with Cass and Clare. We talked about everything and had a good laugh. Its a pity I'm staying in on Tuesday, otherwise it would have been fun carrying out my plan. But maybe, there is still hope for me. I really dont know what is going through in her head, but maybe the time isnt ripe yet.
I really thank God for many things that have happened to me. To say them all would take a lifetime. But I'm glad I'm walking with Him and that I have people around me who share the same thoughts and we would work towards giving God the glory. I hope one day I could really work with them in a big scale manner bring glory to God's name.
I just hope that what I have thought about, prayed about is in line with God's will. But still no matter what, I pray that its His will be done and not mine. To Cass and Clare, thank you for your time, it was really something I appreciated tonight.
Things may seem right to man, but it could be wrong in God's eyes.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Total Randomness
you pissed me with your presence. I'm glad I dont have to see you often.
you became bff, after like 21 years? but its better late than never!
you been one of the longest friend ever, I've seen you change and thank you for soldiering on beside me.
you have been the best, 21 years and counting, you're always there.
you went away and came back. I dont know how to get to you but I'm glad you still hangout with me.
you know me really the best, a single squirm and you know what I'm thinking.
you are insanely sweet, if only I knew how to get to you.
you are the practical fun, others think you're a 'no' for me, but you've got something that draws me.
Hope you guys know who 'you' are. And thank you for being YOU!
you became bff, after like 21 years? but its better late than never!
you been one of the longest friend ever, I've seen you change and thank you for soldiering on beside me.
you have been the best, 21 years and counting, you're always there.
you went away and came back. I dont know how to get to you but I'm glad you still hangout with me.
you know me really the best, a single squirm and you know what I'm thinking.
you are insanely sweet, if only I knew how to get to you.
you are the practical fun, others think you're a 'no' for me, but you've got something that draws me.
Hope you guys know who 'you' are. And thank you for being YOU!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
TGIGF
Thank God its GOOD Friday!
Yesterday was good friday and I went for English Presbytery service at the EXPO. I really enjoyed the service very much. Its simple yet heart warming and everything was just perfect. From the worship to the play to the sermon, everything was in consistency.
In the evening I went for BAG. Well, it was supposed to be BAG, but there were 24 people and it became like a Cell group session. We talked about the why good friday is so important and the humanity and deity of Christ.
At Pastor Edwin's place Sam found a book published by True Way PC which was titled, T-Files. Its a compilation of testimonies by members of the church or friends of the church. And Sam found one which was written by her. Well, I read it and that was about it. Didn't think much of it.
But this every morning I dreamt of someone which made me think of all these affairs of the heart again. And I committed it to God again.
Which also lead me to think of this:
Would I wanna be with a FUN kinda girl?
Or a lady like, sweet and gentle?
Or one that is like minded and have the same thoughts in regards to life and service to God?
In truth, I like to be with one that is all of the above.
Yesterday was good friday and I went for English Presbytery service at the EXPO. I really enjoyed the service very much. Its simple yet heart warming and everything was just perfect. From the worship to the play to the sermon, everything was in consistency.
In the evening I went for BAG. Well, it was supposed to be BAG, but there were 24 people and it became like a Cell group session. We talked about the why good friday is so important and the humanity and deity of Christ.
At Pastor Edwin's place Sam found a book published by True Way PC which was titled, T-Files. Its a compilation of testimonies by members of the church or friends of the church. And Sam found one which was written by her. Well, I read it and that was about it. Didn't think much of it.
But this every morning I dreamt of someone which made me think of all these affairs of the heart again. And I committed it to God again.
Which also lead me to think of this:
Would I wanna be with a FUN kinda girl?
Or a lady like, sweet and gentle?
Or one that is like minded and have the same thoughts in regards to life and service to God?
In truth, I like to be with one that is all of the above.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Just a passing thought...
If love is some nice and warm and sweet, then why are some in pain?
I see some people suffering for love or trying really hard to make it a special relationship or perhaps is doing so so much more for the other half.
Is the person afraid that the other half would leave them. again?.
In the Bible, we know that there is a saying which goes, "Love covers a multitude of sin."
Then maybe my saying of, "Sex covers a multitude of pain." is quite a right parallel of the world today.
For the guy maybe its for pleasure and the female, security.
Who knows right? Just a thought that happened to pop into my head. I'm not twisting facts of the Bible or trying to be funny but I think I know quite enough of the world to make this statement. The first statement is TRUTH the second, its just a random thought of mine. Please, read it knowing where I'm coming from.
I see some people suffering for love or trying really hard to make it a special relationship or perhaps is doing so so much more for the other half.
Is the person afraid that the other half would leave them. again?.
In the Bible, we know that there is a saying which goes, "Love covers a multitude of sin."
Then maybe my saying of, "Sex covers a multitude of pain." is quite a right parallel of the world today.
For the guy maybe its for pleasure and the female, security.
Who knows right? Just a thought that happened to pop into my head. I'm not twisting facts of the Bible or trying to be funny but I think I know quite enough of the world to make this statement. The first statement is TRUTH the second, its just a random thought of mine. Please, read it knowing where I'm coming from.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Life and Death
You'll understand the title as your go along reading.
I managed to see her yesterday. And I do think that this might be a closure. I'm still not sure if she's going away, but I think she is and my decision should stay firm. Of course, who wouldn't feel upset seeing the one that they like being with another, worse still if the other half of hers is really not up to standard. Then again, who am I to judge? What I should do as a disciple of Christ is to keep her in prayer and trust that God has a plan that will prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future.
I just hope that whatever she does, I can be there for her. But if I really have to be detached away from her, totally, like just a mere fair weather friend, in obedience to God I will.
So we gathered for dinner at Cass's house last night for dinner. It was just as I expected it. Messy and TOO much food. It was nice of JW to join us actually. He just need to socialise with people from church more. Attend activities with us and just have fun being together. The usual enthusiastic gang of people were there for dinner. Cass, Sam, Clare, Lyd, Ying Qi, Vanny, JW and me!
We watched Simpsons the Movie while having dinner. That show is just plain dumb and funny but since it was my second time watching it, it wasn't that funny anymore. After dinner we had ice cream from Island Creamery, brought by JW. It was Holicks as it was his favourite flavour. How self centered. :P Anyway, we still ate it and played bridge. By then half the group have left already.
After playing bridge for awhile JW and Clare needed to go off, so we were left with Cass, Sam and myself. We took a cab to my house to get the car as we were planning to join the YM cycling group. We joined them at Lau Pa Sat, where the satay club is. The stall holders are really irritating touters! Just like those at Newton Hawker Centre. I was really pissed. But anyway, we just sat and ordered satay.
From there we drove to Kallang, their next check point, where is was a quick pit stop before they head down to ECP. We tried as much as possible to follow them in our cars (Lee Cher was driving too) but they were going against traffic and so we just drove off to ECP and meet them there.
The art of driving had never thrilled me more or the psychology of a human being. I just love to drive.
So we ended up at ECP and group 1 and 2 have already arrived! I seriously thought that I would have reached there earlier. We just hang around until group 3 arrived and then headed to Macs for a quick breakfast and then home.
Before I could go home I needed to pick my sister up. Where? Simpang Bedok. I knew that place but its a different route that I usually came from. Man, I got lost for a while before Cass manage to help me find my location and then got there before my petrol went empty. (I was driving with the low fuel gauge light on for a really long time trying to find the place.)
Finally got my sister, filled my tank and I was on my way to send Cass home.
After dropping Cass off at her place, I drove home by the Farrer Road way rather then the highway. Just as I was reaching the main junction turning into my house, I had a near accident.
I was sleepy and I was trying very hard to stay awake. But just at that point, my mind switched off and I dozed off at the wheel going at about 70km/h. I felt a huge jerk and when I opened my eyes I saw my car right wheel up on the middle divider and I was going straight into a tree. Natural instinct was to steer away from the tree and then hit the brakes. But as my car came down from the middle divider and then with the sudden hard braking the car started to skid. I felt the ABS kicking in and I quickly straighten my wheels to the road and release my break.
It was a close shave. I could have died. Rather I think I had died. But the grace of God saved me. I know that I'm some one God really have plans for me. He would preserve my life till His will has come to pass and that my life have glorified Him. I really thank God for taking care of me. This is the second near accident that have been prevented. Both times as deadly. Reckless as I am, I really thank God for having me as His child, holding me in the palm of His hands, loving me so much He would all everything in His power so that I might live to glorify Him. I thank God that I know who am I in Him and that I am safe now to even blog about this.
I hope my sister, who was with me in the car, would really be affected enough by this incident to think about life and God. Though I know that she woke up with a little shock by the sudden movements and nothing else after. Still in her sleepyish daze, I wonder if she understood the danger and the situation. (I did try to explain to her trying to invoke some sort of emotion to stir her thinking.) But I did as I could, the rest its up to prayer and God.
I managed to see her yesterday. And I do think that this might be a closure. I'm still not sure if she's going away, but I think she is and my decision should stay firm. Of course, who wouldn't feel upset seeing the one that they like being with another, worse still if the other half of hers is really not up to standard. Then again, who am I to judge? What I should do as a disciple of Christ is to keep her in prayer and trust that God has a plan that will prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future.
I just hope that whatever she does, I can be there for her. But if I really have to be detached away from her, totally, like just a mere fair weather friend, in obedience to God I will.
So we gathered for dinner at Cass's house last night for dinner. It was just as I expected it. Messy and TOO much food. It was nice of JW to join us actually. He just need to socialise with people from church more. Attend activities with us and just have fun being together. The usual enthusiastic gang of people were there for dinner. Cass, Sam, Clare, Lyd, Ying Qi, Vanny, JW and me!
We watched Simpsons the Movie while having dinner. That show is just plain dumb and funny but since it was my second time watching it, it wasn't that funny anymore. After dinner we had ice cream from Island Creamery, brought by JW. It was Holicks as it was his favourite flavour. How self centered. :P Anyway, we still ate it and played bridge. By then half the group have left already.
After playing bridge for awhile JW and Clare needed to go off, so we were left with Cass, Sam and myself. We took a cab to my house to get the car as we were planning to join the YM cycling group. We joined them at Lau Pa Sat, where the satay club is. The stall holders are really irritating touters! Just like those at Newton Hawker Centre. I was really pissed. But anyway, we just sat and ordered satay.
From there we drove to Kallang, their next check point, where is was a quick pit stop before they head down to ECP. We tried as much as possible to follow them in our cars (Lee Cher was driving too) but they were going against traffic and so we just drove off to ECP and meet them there.
The art of driving had never thrilled me more or the psychology of a human being. I just love to drive.
So we ended up at ECP and group 1 and 2 have already arrived! I seriously thought that I would have reached there earlier. We just hang around until group 3 arrived and then headed to Macs for a quick breakfast and then home.
Before I could go home I needed to pick my sister up. Where? Simpang Bedok. I knew that place but its a different route that I usually came from. Man, I got lost for a while before Cass manage to help me find my location and then got there before my petrol went empty. (I was driving with the low fuel gauge light on for a really long time trying to find the place.)
Finally got my sister, filled my tank and I was on my way to send Cass home.
After dropping Cass off at her place, I drove home by the Farrer Road way rather then the highway. Just as I was reaching the main junction turning into my house, I had a near accident.
I was sleepy and I was trying very hard to stay awake. But just at that point, my mind switched off and I dozed off at the wheel going at about 70km/h. I felt a huge jerk and when I opened my eyes I saw my car right wheel up on the middle divider and I was going straight into a tree. Natural instinct was to steer away from the tree and then hit the brakes. But as my car came down from the middle divider and then with the sudden hard braking the car started to skid. I felt the ABS kicking in and I quickly straighten my wheels to the road and release my break.
It was a close shave. I could have died. Rather I think I had died. But the grace of God saved me. I know that I'm some one God really have plans for me. He would preserve my life till His will has come to pass and that my life have glorified Him. I really thank God for taking care of me. This is the second near accident that have been prevented. Both times as deadly. Reckless as I am, I really thank God for having me as His child, holding me in the palm of His hands, loving me so much He would all everything in His power so that I might live to glorify Him. I thank God that I know who am I in Him and that I am safe now to even blog about this.
I hope my sister, who was with me in the car, would really be affected enough by this incident to think about life and God. Though I know that she woke up with a little shock by the sudden movements and nothing else after. Still in her sleepyish daze, I wonder if she understood the danger and the situation. (I did try to explain to her trying to invoke some sort of emotion to stir her thinking.) But I did as I could, the rest its up to prayer and God.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Bad for health
I think my blog is really unhealthy for the readers. I seem to have the 'feel like blogging' mood only when I'm feeling sad or emo.
Anyway, just a quick update of what had happened thus far.
7th of March - I volunteered to attend and help Pastor Ed with the Synod Youth Leaders Camp. I felt that this was rather God plan as I wasn't supposed to be attending at all. I was helping Daniel Tan, who was the worship leader for the 1st message, as sound crew. This camp is an overnight camp and I thought that Cass and Eunice would definitely be staying, so I just brought clothes to stay over. In the end I was the only one to be staying over in church, the other 2 decided not to.
Anyway, Pastor Ed also didn't know that I would be staying so it was a surprise for him, which ended up being a very pleasant and helpful surprise. I helped him with every little thing that I could in regards to the church property. Like where is this place and that, guide campers to their rooms, boil hot water, buy supper for him, keep watch while he used the girl's toilet to bathe... etc etc. I just took care of all the loose ends.
I felt that the camp was very much planned by God for me to be there. The massage was very much catered to me as it taught and reminded me of some things I needed to know if I really wanted to join the YM and be a youth leader. I really thank God for the speakers.
This camp too I've met someone really important to me. As for now, she is the answer to my prayer but I would like to pray more about it and not jump to conclusion. If you could remember sometime back for the BAG book 3 graduation, we had to spend some quiet moments with God and then write down some goals and stuff and then shared it with a group of people? Well, then I wrote some goals that I have prayed about before, these are not new thoughts but reiterated ones and so I just filled up the paper anyway. I had parallel goals when I filled up the questionnaire. One was for my personal and the other for my own family(when I get married).
I have prayed about serving God as a family, honouring Him by being a model family. It wont mean that we wont have our problems as a family, but we face each encounter in a Christ-like manner with love. I want to model after Gordan and Lina's family if you could understand.
That was my long term goal. To serve God by ministering to others in a family manner. And the short term goal, was to get a girl friend. I know that sounds funny. I blushed and giggled as I shared this with my group, but that is really what I wrote. Get a girl friend this year.
So I was talking to this girl I've met in the camp and we hit off rather well. During one the the session where Rev May Tan was sharing about John Calvin, she mentioned about us being 20 as very old in the past. This was a suitable age that men and women then would have gotten married and have families.
She shocked me with her reply to that statement. She said, "I wont mind."
I replied her, "Are you sure? You're still so young."
She said, "Yup, I'm sure. I wont mind. I planned to get married at 24 actually. I hope to date the guy for 4 years. And I'm 20 now, go do the maths."
I was shocked. She knew what she wanted. For a moment I didn't realise that she would have to be attached this year if that were to happen. I was silenced. In my heart I asked God is this why I'm here. So divinely arranged?
Anyway, nothing else happened after that. I didn't even ask for her number. As for now, I'm just waiting and anticipating what God would do with this life of mine. Its exciting and I'm ready for it.
Back to the topic of why I'm blogging today. I thought of her(eye candy) today and was feeling glum. I heard that she's going to the states for attachment. The thought of her being away for her birthday was rather depressing. I wanted to do something for her, yet, it seems like I wont get to. Maybe this is God's divine plan again? Maybe He wanted me to know that no matter what I do for her, she isn't meant for me.
I wonder if she is going for the BAG replacement outing tomorrow? It could probably be the last time hanging out with her if she is really going on attachment. I'm sure I'll miss her a lot. Who ever she's with next time I'm sure to feel a pinch of jealousy, but I hope that guy is so perfect and good for her that I'll be at peace. I've been like carrying a torch for her since sec 3. Its a long time isn't it? Now I just don't want to include her in the picture. I just want to focus on God and his plan and will and serve Him wholeheartedly.
Please let me see you tomorrow, even if its the last time, I just want to see you.
Anyway, just a quick update of what had happened thus far.
7th of March - I volunteered to attend and help Pastor Ed with the Synod Youth Leaders Camp. I felt that this was rather God plan as I wasn't supposed to be attending at all. I was helping Daniel Tan, who was the worship leader for the 1st message, as sound crew. This camp is an overnight camp and I thought that Cass and Eunice would definitely be staying, so I just brought clothes to stay over. In the end I was the only one to be staying over in church, the other 2 decided not to.
Anyway, Pastor Ed also didn't know that I would be staying so it was a surprise for him, which ended up being a very pleasant and helpful surprise. I helped him with every little thing that I could in regards to the church property. Like where is this place and that, guide campers to their rooms, boil hot water, buy supper for him, keep watch while he used the girl's toilet to bathe... etc etc. I just took care of all the loose ends.
I felt that the camp was very much planned by God for me to be there. The massage was very much catered to me as it taught and reminded me of some things I needed to know if I really wanted to join the YM and be a youth leader. I really thank God for the speakers.
This camp too I've met someone really important to me. As for now, she is the answer to my prayer but I would like to pray more about it and not jump to conclusion. If you could remember sometime back for the BAG book 3 graduation, we had to spend some quiet moments with God and then write down some goals and stuff and then shared it with a group of people? Well, then I wrote some goals that I have prayed about before, these are not new thoughts but reiterated ones and so I just filled up the paper anyway. I had parallel goals when I filled up the questionnaire. One was for my personal and the other for my own family(when I get married).
I have prayed about serving God as a family, honouring Him by being a model family. It wont mean that we wont have our problems as a family, but we face each encounter in a Christ-like manner with love. I want to model after Gordan and Lina's family if you could understand.
That was my long term goal. To serve God by ministering to others in a family manner. And the short term goal, was to get a girl friend. I know that sounds funny. I blushed and giggled as I shared this with my group, but that is really what I wrote. Get a girl friend this year.
So I was talking to this girl I've met in the camp and we hit off rather well. During one the the session where Rev May Tan was sharing about John Calvin, she mentioned about us being 20 as very old in the past. This was a suitable age that men and women then would have gotten married and have families.
She shocked me with her reply to that statement. She said, "I wont mind."
I replied her, "Are you sure? You're still so young."
She said, "Yup, I'm sure. I wont mind. I planned to get married at 24 actually. I hope to date the guy for 4 years. And I'm 20 now, go do the maths."
I was shocked. She knew what she wanted. For a moment I didn't realise that she would have to be attached this year if that were to happen. I was silenced. In my heart I asked God is this why I'm here. So divinely arranged?
Anyway, nothing else happened after that. I didn't even ask for her number. As for now, I'm just waiting and anticipating what God would do with this life of mine. Its exciting and I'm ready for it.
Back to the topic of why I'm blogging today. I thought of her(eye candy) today and was feeling glum. I heard that she's going to the states for attachment. The thought of her being away for her birthday was rather depressing. I wanted to do something for her, yet, it seems like I wont get to. Maybe this is God's divine plan again? Maybe He wanted me to know that no matter what I do for her, she isn't meant for me.
I wonder if she is going for the BAG replacement outing tomorrow? It could probably be the last time hanging out with her if she is really going on attachment. I'm sure I'll miss her a lot. Who ever she's with next time I'm sure to feel a pinch of jealousy, but I hope that guy is so perfect and good for her that I'll be at peace. I've been like carrying a torch for her since sec 3. Its a long time isn't it? Now I just don't want to include her in the picture. I just want to focus on God and his plan and will and serve Him wholeheartedly.
Please let me see you tomorrow, even if its the last time, I just want to see you.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Mood-less
Its been super long since I last blogged. Lots of things had happened in the past week or 2, but I just dont have the mood to write them down. I feel sorry for myself, some of these memories have to be written down so that I know where I am with my walk with God. Sorry guys, till then when the moods comes.
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