You'll understand the title as your go along reading.
I managed to see her yesterday. And I do think that this might be a closure. I'm still not sure if she's going away, but I think she is and my decision should stay firm. Of course, who wouldn't feel upset seeing the one that they like being with another, worse still if the other half of hers is really not up to standard. Then again, who am I to judge? What I should do as a disciple of Christ is to keep her in prayer and trust that God has a plan that will prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her hope and a future.
I just hope that whatever she does, I can be there for her. But if I really have to be detached away from her, totally, like just a mere fair weather friend, in obedience to God I will.
So we gathered for dinner at Cass's house last night for dinner. It was just as I expected it. Messy and TOO much food. It was nice of JW to join us actually. He just need to socialise with people from church more. Attend activities with us and just have fun being together. The usual enthusiastic gang of people were there for dinner. Cass, Sam, Clare, Lyd, Ying Qi, Vanny, JW and me!
We watched Simpsons the Movie while having dinner. That show is just plain dumb and funny but since it was my second time watching it, it wasn't that funny anymore. After dinner we had ice cream from Island Creamery, brought by JW. It was Holicks as it was his favourite flavour. How self centered. :P Anyway, we still ate it and played bridge. By then half the group have left already.
After playing bridge for awhile JW and Clare needed to go off, so we were left with Cass, Sam and myself. We took a cab to my house to get the car as we were planning to join the YM cycling group. We joined them at Lau Pa Sat, where the satay club is. The stall holders are really irritating touters! Just like those at Newton Hawker Centre. I was really pissed. But anyway, we just sat and ordered satay.
From there we drove to Kallang, their next check point, where is was a quick pit stop before they head down to ECP. We tried as much as possible to follow them in our cars (Lee Cher was driving too) but they were going against traffic and so we just drove off to ECP and meet them there.
The art of driving had never thrilled me more or the psychology of a human being. I just love to drive.
So we ended up at ECP and group 1 and 2 have already arrived! I seriously thought that I would have reached there earlier. We just hang around until group 3 arrived and then headed to Macs for a quick breakfast and then home.
Before I could go home I needed to pick my sister up. Where? Simpang Bedok. I knew that place but its a different route that I usually came from. Man, I got lost for a while before Cass manage to help me find my location and then got there before my petrol went empty. (I was driving with the low fuel gauge light on for a really long time trying to find the place.)
Finally got my sister, filled my tank and I was on my way to send Cass home.
After dropping Cass off at her place, I drove home by the Farrer Road way rather then the highway. Just as I was reaching the main junction turning into my house, I had a near accident.
I was sleepy and I was trying very hard to stay awake. But just at that point, my mind switched off and I dozed off at the wheel going at about 70km/h. I felt a huge jerk and when I opened my eyes I saw my car right wheel up on the middle divider and I was going straight into a tree. Natural instinct was to steer away from the tree and then hit the brakes. But as my car came down from the middle divider and then with the sudden hard braking the car started to skid. I felt the ABS kicking in and I quickly straighten my wheels to the road and release my break.
It was a close shave. I could have died. Rather I think I had died. But the grace of God saved me. I know that I'm some one God really have plans for me. He would preserve my life till His will has come to pass and that my life have glorified Him. I really thank God for taking care of me. This is the second near accident that have been prevented. Both times as deadly. Reckless as I am, I really thank God for having me as His child, holding me in the palm of His hands, loving me so much He would all everything in His power so that I might live to glorify Him. I thank God that I know who am I in Him and that I am safe now to even blog about this.
I hope my sister, who was with me in the car, would really be affected enough by this incident to think about life and God. Though I know that she woke up with a little shock by the sudden movements and nothing else after. Still in her sleepyish daze, I wonder if she understood the danger and the situation. (I did try to explain to her trying to invoke some sort of emotion to stir her thinking.) But I did as I could, the rest its up to prayer and God.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Bad for health
I think my blog is really unhealthy for the readers. I seem to have the 'feel like blogging' mood only when I'm feeling sad or emo.
Anyway, just a quick update of what had happened thus far.
7th of March - I volunteered to attend and help Pastor Ed with the Synod Youth Leaders Camp. I felt that this was rather God plan as I wasn't supposed to be attending at all. I was helping Daniel Tan, who was the worship leader for the 1st message, as sound crew. This camp is an overnight camp and I thought that Cass and Eunice would definitely be staying, so I just brought clothes to stay over. In the end I was the only one to be staying over in church, the other 2 decided not to.
Anyway, Pastor Ed also didn't know that I would be staying so it was a surprise for him, which ended up being a very pleasant and helpful surprise. I helped him with every little thing that I could in regards to the church property. Like where is this place and that, guide campers to their rooms, boil hot water, buy supper for him, keep watch while he used the girl's toilet to bathe... etc etc. I just took care of all the loose ends.
I felt that the camp was very much planned by God for me to be there. The massage was very much catered to me as it taught and reminded me of some things I needed to know if I really wanted to join the YM and be a youth leader. I really thank God for the speakers.
This camp too I've met someone really important to me. As for now, she is the answer to my prayer but I would like to pray more about it and not jump to conclusion. If you could remember sometime back for the BAG book 3 graduation, we had to spend some quiet moments with God and then write down some goals and stuff and then shared it with a group of people? Well, then I wrote some goals that I have prayed about before, these are not new thoughts but reiterated ones and so I just filled up the paper anyway. I had parallel goals when I filled up the questionnaire. One was for my personal and the other for my own family(when I get married).
I have prayed about serving God as a family, honouring Him by being a model family. It wont mean that we wont have our problems as a family, but we face each encounter in a Christ-like manner with love. I want to model after Gordan and Lina's family if you could understand.
That was my long term goal. To serve God by ministering to others in a family manner. And the short term goal, was to get a girl friend. I know that sounds funny. I blushed and giggled as I shared this with my group, but that is really what I wrote. Get a girl friend this year.
So I was talking to this girl I've met in the camp and we hit off rather well. During one the the session where Rev May Tan was sharing about John Calvin, she mentioned about us being 20 as very old in the past. This was a suitable age that men and women then would have gotten married and have families.
She shocked me with her reply to that statement. She said, "I wont mind."
I replied her, "Are you sure? You're still so young."
She said, "Yup, I'm sure. I wont mind. I planned to get married at 24 actually. I hope to date the guy for 4 years. And I'm 20 now, go do the maths."
I was shocked. She knew what she wanted. For a moment I didn't realise that she would have to be attached this year if that were to happen. I was silenced. In my heart I asked God is this why I'm here. So divinely arranged?
Anyway, nothing else happened after that. I didn't even ask for her number. As for now, I'm just waiting and anticipating what God would do with this life of mine. Its exciting and I'm ready for it.
Back to the topic of why I'm blogging today. I thought of her(eye candy) today and was feeling glum. I heard that she's going to the states for attachment. The thought of her being away for her birthday was rather depressing. I wanted to do something for her, yet, it seems like I wont get to. Maybe this is God's divine plan again? Maybe He wanted me to know that no matter what I do for her, she isn't meant for me.
I wonder if she is going for the BAG replacement outing tomorrow? It could probably be the last time hanging out with her if she is really going on attachment. I'm sure I'll miss her a lot. Who ever she's with next time I'm sure to feel a pinch of jealousy, but I hope that guy is so perfect and good for her that I'll be at peace. I've been like carrying a torch for her since sec 3. Its a long time isn't it? Now I just don't want to include her in the picture. I just want to focus on God and his plan and will and serve Him wholeheartedly.
Please let me see you tomorrow, even if its the last time, I just want to see you.
Anyway, just a quick update of what had happened thus far.
7th of March - I volunteered to attend and help Pastor Ed with the Synod Youth Leaders Camp. I felt that this was rather God plan as I wasn't supposed to be attending at all. I was helping Daniel Tan, who was the worship leader for the 1st message, as sound crew. This camp is an overnight camp and I thought that Cass and Eunice would definitely be staying, so I just brought clothes to stay over. In the end I was the only one to be staying over in church, the other 2 decided not to.
Anyway, Pastor Ed also didn't know that I would be staying so it was a surprise for him, which ended up being a very pleasant and helpful surprise. I helped him with every little thing that I could in regards to the church property. Like where is this place and that, guide campers to their rooms, boil hot water, buy supper for him, keep watch while he used the girl's toilet to bathe... etc etc. I just took care of all the loose ends.
I felt that the camp was very much planned by God for me to be there. The massage was very much catered to me as it taught and reminded me of some things I needed to know if I really wanted to join the YM and be a youth leader. I really thank God for the speakers.
This camp too I've met someone really important to me. As for now, she is the answer to my prayer but I would like to pray more about it and not jump to conclusion. If you could remember sometime back for the BAG book 3 graduation, we had to spend some quiet moments with God and then write down some goals and stuff and then shared it with a group of people? Well, then I wrote some goals that I have prayed about before, these are not new thoughts but reiterated ones and so I just filled up the paper anyway. I had parallel goals when I filled up the questionnaire. One was for my personal and the other for my own family(when I get married).
I have prayed about serving God as a family, honouring Him by being a model family. It wont mean that we wont have our problems as a family, but we face each encounter in a Christ-like manner with love. I want to model after Gordan and Lina's family if you could understand.
That was my long term goal. To serve God by ministering to others in a family manner. And the short term goal, was to get a girl friend. I know that sounds funny. I blushed and giggled as I shared this with my group, but that is really what I wrote. Get a girl friend this year.
So I was talking to this girl I've met in the camp and we hit off rather well. During one the the session where Rev May Tan was sharing about John Calvin, she mentioned about us being 20 as very old in the past. This was a suitable age that men and women then would have gotten married and have families.
She shocked me with her reply to that statement. She said, "I wont mind."
I replied her, "Are you sure? You're still so young."
She said, "Yup, I'm sure. I wont mind. I planned to get married at 24 actually. I hope to date the guy for 4 years. And I'm 20 now, go do the maths."
I was shocked. She knew what she wanted. For a moment I didn't realise that she would have to be attached this year if that were to happen. I was silenced. In my heart I asked God is this why I'm here. So divinely arranged?
Anyway, nothing else happened after that. I didn't even ask for her number. As for now, I'm just waiting and anticipating what God would do with this life of mine. Its exciting and I'm ready for it.
Back to the topic of why I'm blogging today. I thought of her(eye candy) today and was feeling glum. I heard that she's going to the states for attachment. The thought of her being away for her birthday was rather depressing. I wanted to do something for her, yet, it seems like I wont get to. Maybe this is God's divine plan again? Maybe He wanted me to know that no matter what I do for her, she isn't meant for me.
I wonder if she is going for the BAG replacement outing tomorrow? It could probably be the last time hanging out with her if she is really going on attachment. I'm sure I'll miss her a lot. Who ever she's with next time I'm sure to feel a pinch of jealousy, but I hope that guy is so perfect and good for her that I'll be at peace. I've been like carrying a torch for her since sec 3. Its a long time isn't it? Now I just don't want to include her in the picture. I just want to focus on God and his plan and will and serve Him wholeheartedly.
Please let me see you tomorrow, even if its the last time, I just want to see you.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Mood-less
Its been super long since I last blogged. Lots of things had happened in the past week or 2, but I just dont have the mood to write them down. I feel sorry for myself, some of these memories have to be written down so that I know where I am with my walk with God. Sorry guys, till then when the moods comes.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I wanna know
what its like to have your hair in my face.
with you in my arms, under the sun we'll laze.
I'm secretly in love with you
but I dont know if I'm for you.
with you in my arms, under the sun we'll laze.
I'm secretly in love with you
but I dont know if I'm for you.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Feeling Emo
Yea, I'm feeling a little emo now. No Idea why, maybe the song I was listening to was emo, Icebox. Hmm, I agree with Lyd that thinking of someone you like can be fun and to me addictive as well. If only I could mediate on the word of God like this. Thinking about it day and night and keep renewing my mind to the enlightenment that God's give.
Yes, I'm hungry. I'm hungry for the WORD. I realised that I have not been fed for a long time and I have not read the Word enough to sustained. Sermon in church aint helping and I need lessons with Cheryl and David to continue this walk with my Father. I talk to Him a lot and most of the time I'm just either praising Him, thanking Him or lamenting to Him. Its so like one sided. I dont know. And most of the time I'm actually thinking about the 'ideal' wife and when something like strikes me, I'll be like, "Hey Father, you know what I'm thinking right? Is that what you want for me too?" kinda thoughts. Today, the thought was, "She should compliment my weaknesses yet like-minded in our goals to serve God and give Him Glory."
My mind is in a whirl right now. I've got so many things in my head. Well I may say that I'm not worried but I'm just planning in my head my future. I've got my further studies to think about. The career that I want. Girls, yes, I'm a sucker for them and I keep thinking of their good and bad points. My NS vocation. Meeting up with friends. So many things.
Its like when I thought I got a good plan, something or someone will like question the plan and I quiver and then scrap the plan thinking that maybe its not good after all. Oh wells, I've rant enough about problems.
Today we had some Valentine game that went on in the YA. It was planned and executed by Shaun, Lydia and myself. I think it was ok. Not fabulous but good enough for the effort we put in. Lots of work went into preparing, executing and all but it was good fun doing it with Shaun and Lydia. Thank God for them. The name of the game is $h@unhopoly! (instead if monopoly). But instead of buying house and all, you move round the board and do challenges! The challenges are quite fun ok! Had a good time laughing.
After YA was vocal training. Nothing much to say. After that went to SimLim with Cheryl and Joel to buy some IT gadget and Wii games. After SimLim it was to town to meet Cass and Dan Tan. I had a good time at Mos Burger Taka. Thanks for the company guys!
I guess I really need to sit down and plan my future. Then put it at the feet of Christ and surrender it all to Him. Or I do nothing and wait for Him to show me His plan and call me to do His will.
Yes, I'm hungry. I'm hungry for the WORD. I realised that I have not been fed for a long time and I have not read the Word enough to sustained. Sermon in church aint helping and I need lessons with Cheryl and David to continue this walk with my Father. I talk to Him a lot and most of the time I'm just either praising Him, thanking Him or lamenting to Him. Its so like one sided. I dont know. And most of the time I'm actually thinking about the 'ideal' wife and when something like strikes me, I'll be like, "Hey Father, you know what I'm thinking right? Is that what you want for me too?" kinda thoughts. Today, the thought was, "She should compliment my weaknesses yet like-minded in our goals to serve God and give Him Glory."
My mind is in a whirl right now. I've got so many things in my head. Well I may say that I'm not worried but I'm just planning in my head my future. I've got my further studies to think about. The career that I want. Girls, yes, I'm a sucker for them and I keep thinking of their good and bad points. My NS vocation. Meeting up with friends. So many things.
Its like when I thought I got a good plan, something or someone will like question the plan and I quiver and then scrap the plan thinking that maybe its not good after all. Oh wells, I've rant enough about problems.
Today we had some Valentine game that went on in the YA. It was planned and executed by Shaun, Lydia and myself. I think it was ok. Not fabulous but good enough for the effort we put in. Lots of work went into preparing, executing and all but it was good fun doing it with Shaun and Lydia. Thank God for them. The name of the game is $h@unhopoly! (instead if monopoly). But instead of buying house and all, you move round the board and do challenges! The challenges are quite fun ok! Had a good time laughing.
After YA was vocal training. Nothing much to say. After that went to SimLim with Cheryl and Joel to buy some IT gadget and Wii games. After SimLim it was to town to meet Cass and Dan Tan. I had a good time at Mos Burger Taka. Thanks for the company guys!
I guess I really need to sit down and plan my future. Then put it at the feet of Christ and surrender it all to Him. Or I do nothing and wait for Him to show me His plan and call me to do His will.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Wine and Cindy&PengFong
Yes, my beloved cousins are back in Singapore for the Lunar New Year! They are my beloved cousin and cousin-in-law cause not only do they pamper me with good alcohol, they too talk me out about stuffs that would help me make a better decision in life.
So today I had 2 parties at Blue Horizon. The first was Lydia's house warming. The food was alright and I give them credits as its all home cooked food! Really lots of efforts put into preparing them. She booked a tennis court and I had fun playing. Cass brought cards and we played bridge. It was nice to have en xuan to mix with us.
After that event it was my Grand Uncle place for dinner. They prepared BBQ and Steamboat. Food was good, well, the BBQ stuffs were ordered, not home made, so the quality was professional. As for the steamboat, I wasnt interested at all. Cindy came over with Pengfong from a friend's place. They just had 9 bottles of wine in 5hours! Goodness gracious me! That is madness. But what is really mad is the wine that was left over. This bottle named RBJ is a wine made by 3 really good wine maker. The wine is 13 years old but it still have its flavour retained. Amazing. Smooth tasty wine. The price, somewhere in the region of SGD$80.
She brought 4 bottle of her own. 2 reds 2 whites. The whites are nice. The first bottle opened is a Italian white. Light and crisp. The second red opened was an Italian red. A rather normal table red. It was rather forgettable. The 3rd a Saint Claire(NZ) Resling. Not the usual sweet ones but the zesty limely kinda flavour. Its nice and refreshing. Love it for its tangyness. And the last. Its my favourite now. An American red wine. Its good cause the winemaker is good. Bondavi(I guess its the name of the winemaker). Its a Cabernet Sauvigon, to me, a red that cant be trusted as its all over the place. But what changed my mind is how smooth and flavourful this wine tasted. Really crafted perfectly by this fabulous winemaker. I even thought for a moment that the wine tasted like a merlot. Wonderful wine and its cheap. Not more that SGD$20. According to Cindy, this is one of the lower range of wine that this winemaker makes. I just cant imagine the upper range that he makes. It would definitely blow my mind!
Well, that is CNY for me. Fun and drinks and catching up with my cousins and friends and just be merry. Tuan yuan shi ke kuai le he xin fu de shi. Let no one, nothing, spoil the fun for you!
So today I had 2 parties at Blue Horizon. The first was Lydia's house warming. The food was alright and I give them credits as its all home cooked food! Really lots of efforts put into preparing them. She booked a tennis court and I had fun playing. Cass brought cards and we played bridge. It was nice to have en xuan to mix with us.
After that event it was my Grand Uncle place for dinner. They prepared BBQ and Steamboat. Food was good, well, the BBQ stuffs were ordered, not home made, so the quality was professional. As for the steamboat, I wasnt interested at all. Cindy came over with Pengfong from a friend's place. They just had 9 bottles of wine in 5hours! Goodness gracious me! That is madness. But what is really mad is the wine that was left over. This bottle named RBJ is a wine made by 3 really good wine maker. The wine is 13 years old but it still have its flavour retained. Amazing. Smooth tasty wine. The price, somewhere in the region of SGD$80.
She brought 4 bottle of her own. 2 reds 2 whites. The whites are nice. The first bottle opened is a Italian white. Light and crisp. The second red opened was an Italian red. A rather normal table red. It was rather forgettable. The 3rd a Saint Claire(NZ) Resling. Not the usual sweet ones but the zesty limely kinda flavour. Its nice and refreshing. Love it for its tangyness. And the last. Its my favourite now. An American red wine. Its good cause the winemaker is good. Bondavi(I guess its the name of the winemaker). Its a Cabernet Sauvigon, to me, a red that cant be trusted as its all over the place. But what changed my mind is how smooth and flavourful this wine tasted. Really crafted perfectly by this fabulous winemaker. I even thought for a moment that the wine tasted like a merlot. Wonderful wine and its cheap. Not more that SGD$20. According to Cindy, this is one of the lower range of wine that this winemaker makes. I just cant imagine the upper range that he makes. It would definitely blow my mind!
Well, that is CNY for me. Fun and drinks and catching up with my cousins and friends and just be merry. Tuan yuan shi ke kuai le he xin fu de shi. Let no one, nothing, spoil the fun for you!
Ex(s)
Let me start of by saying that I'm not bad mouthing or 'kiss-and-tell' it all kinda stuffs that I'm about to write. Yes I know I dont need an (s) at the back of mine, but its just for the majority. I just came back from a chill out session with some of my really good friends and we were talking about this and it seems really interesting what we were talking about.
So, the story goes like this, S is my friend that I hang out with. He has a girlfriend and she is C. So recently S and C arent seen together anymore and S seems to like have a sudden weird interest in other girls. So our suspicion arise as S isnt that kind who would gain an outspoken interest in other girls while he is attached. I have not seen C around for quite sometime already and so I decided to ask J who is S's close buddy. According to J, S didnt mention anything about break up but when questioned about C, he merely responds with a " I have not spoken to her in a long while". So since J couldnt get anymore out of S, J and I decided to go and ask C directly.
C is S and J's common friend. So getting C out wasnt an awkward or out of a blue thing to do. We talked to C and we got the answer from her. S and her have broken up and she wants to talk to him but he isnt keen. So here comes out topic.
1) The guy usually dont want to talk to the girl after a break up.
2) Its wrong of other guy friends to hang out with a buddy's Ex.
3) The Ex(guy/girl) will bad mouth about the ex(s).
Apparently, (1) seems to be true. I, myself, for one, am like that. I dont know what is the reason that I dont want to talk to her but I just dont want to. For N is the same. He doesnt really bothers about his Ex. Maybe he does talk to them when hee needs to, but usually he wont want to talk to them or mention about them at all. When others does, he gets defensive and sometimes angry. As for S, he is a total no go. He hates them, doesnt want to talk about them, see them, be near them. Its a total excommunication for him. So, for (1) it really does seem that Ex is an Ex and I have nothing to do with them unless REALLY REALLY no choice or life and death situation or last resort that a guy would find an Ex.
I have always thought that its fine that my buddies hang out with my Ex. I mean after all they could be mutual friends too and in time that we have dated, some of my friends would have become her friends too. But from N's point of view its not a good to be doing. You are not being loyal to your buddy! And he feels that its like wrong to be out with your buddy's Ex. But he did agree that its fine sometimes and that your buddy need not know that you meet up with his Ex. As for S, you know that he is no go, so his stand perhaps would be its wrong. And probably ask you back, " What do you want by hanging out with her, you tell me."
I really dont think that your Ex would bad mouth about you. I feel that I go for both looks and character so I know if she is a nice girl or not. Maybe I have only 1 ex so I cant comment on this. Or maybe I was lucky to have a rather nice ex who doesnt do it, or maybe I just dont know what she says behind me! but N really thinks that would happen. I think he feels this way cause he had an ex that was scary after they broke up but I dont think any of them ever bad mouthed him.
So in my opinion, I really think that after a break up its hard for Ex(s) to be friends and talk. Its far easier ignoring each other and just get on with life. And I still dont think its wrong that my friends hangs out with my Ex. I mean I do get jealous (like why do they rather go out with her than with me) but I have to be rational. My friends are her friends too, I cant be selfish and self-centered and be a spoil brat. As for the last topic, I've just got 1 thing to say about this: You are the one who chose girl/guy. If you go for just looks only, then probably you would end up having one that bads mouth you to all of your friends and her friends and eveyone else and make you look like a jerk. I go for looks (yes that is important) and I go for character (this is even more important) and would seriously date them if they possess both elements. In this case, I wont have to worry about they bad mouthing part, cause I know I'm a very very NICE guy (ok you can vomit/faint or whatever you want though that is the truth!) and I'll treat her very well. And if they have a good character, they wont bad mouth. They would probably just let it go (I think, girls are hard to predict and understand).
If you have any opposing thoughts or any other thoughts about this, you could respond in the comments section. I would like to hear your opinion. But PLEASE, think before you type. Be kind and gentle in your response. Thank you :)
Characters mentioned in this post are deliberately censored so that their privacy is protected and kept confidential. If you think that you know they characters mentioned, trying to ask them about this would be futile as they wont know what you are talking about. Even if they do know, they wont tell you what they know. Thank you for helping by just taking this as a topic in this blog only. Thank you.
So, the story goes like this, S is my friend that I hang out with. He has a girlfriend and she is C. So recently S and C arent seen together anymore and S seems to like have a sudden weird interest in other girls. So our suspicion arise as S isnt that kind who would gain an outspoken interest in other girls while he is attached. I have not seen C around for quite sometime already and so I decided to ask J who is S's close buddy. According to J, S didnt mention anything about break up but when questioned about C, he merely responds with a " I have not spoken to her in a long while". So since J couldnt get anymore out of S, J and I decided to go and ask C directly.
C is S and J's common friend. So getting C out wasnt an awkward or out of a blue thing to do. We talked to C and we got the answer from her. S and her have broken up and she wants to talk to him but he isnt keen. So here comes out topic.
1) The guy usually dont want to talk to the girl after a break up.
2) Its wrong of other guy friends to hang out with a buddy's Ex.
3) The Ex(guy/girl) will bad mouth about the ex(s).
Apparently, (1) seems to be true. I, myself, for one, am like that. I dont know what is the reason that I dont want to talk to her but I just dont want to. For N is the same. He doesnt really bothers about his Ex. Maybe he does talk to them when hee needs to, but usually he wont want to talk to them or mention about them at all. When others does, he gets defensive and sometimes angry. As for S, he is a total no go. He hates them, doesnt want to talk about them, see them, be near them. Its a total excommunication for him. So, for (1) it really does seem that Ex is an Ex and I have nothing to do with them unless REALLY REALLY no choice or life and death situation or last resort that a guy would find an Ex.
I have always thought that its fine that my buddies hang out with my Ex. I mean after all they could be mutual friends too and in time that we have dated, some of my friends would have become her friends too. But from N's point of view its not a good to be doing. You are not being loyal to your buddy! And he feels that its like wrong to be out with your buddy's Ex. But he did agree that its fine sometimes and that your buddy need not know that you meet up with his Ex. As for S, you know that he is no go, so his stand perhaps would be its wrong. And probably ask you back, " What do you want by hanging out with her, you tell me."
I really dont think that your Ex would bad mouth about you. I feel that I go for both looks and character so I know if she is a nice girl or not. Maybe I have only 1 ex so I cant comment on this. Or maybe I was lucky to have a rather nice ex who doesnt do it, or maybe I just dont know what she says behind me! but N really thinks that would happen. I think he feels this way cause he had an ex that was scary after they broke up but I dont think any of them ever bad mouthed him.
So in my opinion, I really think that after a break up its hard for Ex(s) to be friends and talk. Its far easier ignoring each other and just get on with life. And I still dont think its wrong that my friends hangs out with my Ex. I mean I do get jealous (like why do they rather go out with her than with me) but I have to be rational. My friends are her friends too, I cant be selfish and self-centered and be a spoil brat. As for the last topic, I've just got 1 thing to say about this: You are the one who chose girl/guy. If you go for just looks only, then probably you would end up having one that bads mouth you to all of your friends and her friends and eveyone else and make you look like a jerk. I go for looks (yes that is important) and I go for character (this is even more important) and would seriously date them if they possess both elements. In this case, I wont have to worry about they bad mouthing part, cause I know I'm a very very NICE guy (ok you can vomit/faint or whatever you want though that is the truth!) and I'll treat her very well. And if they have a good character, they wont bad mouth. They would probably just let it go (I think, girls are hard to predict and understand).
If you have any opposing thoughts or any other thoughts about this, you could respond in the comments section. I would like to hear your opinion. But PLEASE, think before you type. Be kind and gentle in your response. Thank you :)
Characters mentioned in this post are deliberately censored so that their privacy is protected and kept confidential. If you think that you know they characters mentioned, trying to ask them about this would be futile as they wont know what you are talking about. Even if they do know, they wont tell you what they know. Thank you for helping by just taking this as a topic in this blog only. Thank you.
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