Last Night in KL

I am writing this at 3am. Tomorrow morning, or later in a more accurate fact, I am going back to SG. Sleeping this late is going to give me problems but I just re-watched August Rush and thoughts are again filling up my head.

As I watched the show, *screams* Keri Russell! and Johnathan Rhys Meyers, the two main and eye candies in the show, I thought that the not-so-perfect yet made-in-Heaven love story is something that I would want too. True its heart wrenching, madly rash (something that I rather enjoy doing) but the feeling is always RIGHT.

Have you ever felt that way? Oh I have felt that so many times. With some girls the feelings are stronger, with others it was there but not quite. I have yet to met a girl much like Vanny. She wrecked me without doing anything. The closest so far I would say that got me into something like this is Shan, but not the same level as Vanny did. Glenda did too, but it was love/hate relationship.

I have nothing to be proud of my love life. Its pretty much nothing, 1 ex-girlfriend on the list, 3 weeks officially and that is the end. But I have been trying to find this feeling with girls I have come by. What is this feeling? I guess its a combination of being able to connect without words yet talk about anything under the sun. She has flaws that are beauty to you and she always always look perfect.

Some people call it chemistry, some others call it X-factor. For me, I call it the fundamental frequency. You resonate to something, everything on this earth do. Every matter has a fundamental frequency and we are connected by this frequency. Why some people seems to be your best friends or you guys just click so well? Maybe they are diatonic to your fundamental frequency or they could be your harmonics, an integer multiple of what you are. Others just hit you the wrong way and you dont go with them.

August Rush reminds me of the very matter why I am studying in a Music School. I can find them. I can use the music I hear to find them. Who are they you ask? The lost. What lost? Anyone without Christ. Its been inside of me and its waiting to get out. Waiting to move out of my mind, out of my being. The music that would attract people to come and invite the presence of God. Its both a worship and a call. It speaks of the awesomeness of my God and its the heart cry of one who wants/needs/loves Jesus.

I know I am no prodigy or highly gifted or a talent itself. But I am glad that God has always given me the chance to learn and love music. And it began not because I was musically trained but because He first taught me how to worship. Music was just the form of it.

In school I tend to get caught up in the world. I keep thinking of making it BIG. Gigging in KL. Top session artist. Live sound engineer, studio engineer. Popstar/R&B producer, Arranger. I forget that deep down inside of me, all these would NEVER SATISFY.

What would then? God the Father who loves me, Jesus, my Bestest best friend, and the Holy Spirit, my teacher. A pretty loving intelligent wife. Adorable kids. Mum and Dad. My closest friends (6ix) and others. These are the basic things that would satisfy, but it would never be complete without being able to do what I love: Being in Worship. Dwelling in His Presence. Recording the heart of a worshiper. Mixing live sound for a church in worship. Even if doing all these, spending money on all these doesnt get me rich or famous, I dont really care. According to my Father's riches, I think I cant be too poor off.

"Guard your heart" These were the words I had before coming to KL. Up to now it still rings in my head. How easily these 3 words are forgotten when I see a girl who gives me a right feel.

Sometimes head knowledge is just all I have. I feel like I cant live out the life I wanna live, but I gotta hold on to that Faith. I wanna be rash, but I gotta weigh the consequences. I rather be obedient cause He knows best, but sometimes I give in to quick/temporary high.

Last night in KL. I know I am going to miss KL for awhile. I quite like it here, but I never really imagine myself being a tad emo/ a tad reflective/ a tad dreaming/ a tad in love and all these emotions just mixed up. Its quite a night I must say I hope I have enough sleep to drive back to SG tomorrow/later, whatever.