You know I saw Bevan's msn nick saying "Quilala uses Breedlove..." and my curiousity got better of me and I went to google it. There were lots of videos and I thought, ok, just click on one. I happened to click on one that is "I exalt thee". One of my favourite hymns and as the video played and he sang, my spirit got excited and I was in worship. This isnt the first time a song has gotten me to feel this way, but I somehow lost the knowing of how to worship. This video/song brought me back to it. At that very moment, I wonder why I am still applying to go to Berklee? I should just get my 2nd diploma at SAE(Singapore) and then my degree in SAE(Queensland) and from then go to Jesus culture at Bethel and probably end off will some internship in New life church for half a year and come back to Singapore to work, as a pastor or an audio engineer.
My passion was stroked aflame hearing the song. I know the heart of a worshipper, I heard it in that video. I'm so burdened to take the plunge or go the safe way. Oh Lord, only you can help me make this decision.
In anycase, I just picked my sister up and send her home. You wanna know what pissed me off the most, its how much she doesnt know how to love herself. I'm done being my alter ego of a closet beng. Its time I lay my life down all for Jesus.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Its Official
I LOVE KOREAN GIRLS!!!
Not those on tv dramas, but real life korean girls.
Oh crap. I used to think that they are all fake cause of the popularity of plastic surgery in Korea, but I'm glad that there are many out there who are not living in Korea and are still as pretty as ever!!!
And they can sing really well. Wanna know a way to my heart, sing for me girl...
And the more 'Ah lian' they look, the more I like.
Oh my gosh, I've been bitten by a love bug. Youtube and I have a love hate relationship. Ah, dont even ask.
edited @ 3:38am.
Good night world, good night Jenny Suk, goodnight Sonia and Janice Lee. You girls makes me smile in my sleep :)
Not those on tv dramas, but real life korean girls.
Oh crap. I used to think that they are all fake cause of the popularity of plastic surgery in Korea, but I'm glad that there are many out there who are not living in Korea and are still as pretty as ever!!!
And they can sing really well. Wanna know a way to my heart, sing for me girl...
And the more 'Ah lian' they look, the more I like.
Oh my gosh, I've been bitten by a love bug. Youtube and I have a love hate relationship. Ah, dont even ask.
edited @ 3:38am.
Good night world, good night Jenny Suk, goodnight Sonia and Janice Lee. You girls makes me smile in my sleep :)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Letter to my Father
Hey Dad,
I wonder if there's wrong with life. I know that while I'm not living perfect, people who are living without you seems to be doing so much better than me. And you have the other kind of people who are living in your grace and are doing very well too. Is my lukewarmness causing me to fall in between? Often I feel at a loss as to what should I do. And I've begin to realise that I dont have friends I thought I had. I dont have a buddy group that hangout and do crazy things together. People who I've always regarded as my best friends do not happen to look at it the same way and yes I'm upset.
Perhaps I'm measuring success with the wrong measurements, maybe I dont see and dont know their sob story. But right now, where I am and with what I have seen, I see that life for them is sure and steady.
You ask me to count my blessings and name them one by one. Oh Dad, you have been too great and too awesome. If I begin to list them all down, it would take me 22years. Yet again, then why am I feeling so down and lowly? Why I feel that life is going in the wrong direction for me?
I seem to be in the story of talents. The master gave one 10, another 4 and another 1. I know I'm not the one that is with 1, though sometimes I am really lazy and I just bury my talents cause I dont strive to make it any more/better. But I know often I am the one with 4 talents. I wonder, in that parable, how did the one with 4 talents felt. No matter what he did, the one with 10 would always have more than him. Before doing anything, he has 6 more. When both work hard at their talents and had reaped 2 folds, the one with 10 talents has now 12 more than the one with 4 talents. Did the one with 4 talents often look up and felt inferior and then become like the one with 1 talent, burying all he has and then walk away?
Whenever I watch Youtube, I feel like the one with 4 talents. There are so many people with talents out there. What would make me succeed? At 23, there are some who can sing so well and play the guitar also. At 23, there are some who write so well that their books are reprinted over and over again. And I at 23 have nothing to my name.
I really hope that my thoughts of becoming a worship pastor would not be a safety net I have cast for myself to feel better. I really Hope that its from you and that you have called me to be. I know that your plans are perfect even though now I cant see it, that is why you tell me often to have faith. Faith is believing in things that cant been yet seen. Oh Lord, I know I am now wallowing in self pity, something I must not do as its the devil's way of putting me down. I am born to rock! Teach me what to do Dad, guide me to make the right decisions. I wanna be just like you. I wanna follow in your legacy. I know time is not a factor for you as you have eternity. Change my value of success and my value of wealth. Change my view to what life really means. Let me know that you value Character and love above all things else. And no matter how bad life seems, you would always always love me still.
Love,
Vin
I wonder if there's wrong with life. I know that while I'm not living perfect, people who are living without you seems to be doing so much better than me. And you have the other kind of people who are living in your grace and are doing very well too. Is my lukewarmness causing me to fall in between? Often I feel at a loss as to what should I do. And I've begin to realise that I dont have friends I thought I had. I dont have a buddy group that hangout and do crazy things together. People who I've always regarded as my best friends do not happen to look at it the same way and yes I'm upset.
Perhaps I'm measuring success with the wrong measurements, maybe I dont see and dont know their sob story. But right now, where I am and with what I have seen, I see that life for them is sure and steady.
You ask me to count my blessings and name them one by one. Oh Dad, you have been too great and too awesome. If I begin to list them all down, it would take me 22years. Yet again, then why am I feeling so down and lowly? Why I feel that life is going in the wrong direction for me?
I seem to be in the story of talents. The master gave one 10, another 4 and another 1. I know I'm not the one that is with 1, though sometimes I am really lazy and I just bury my talents cause I dont strive to make it any more/better. But I know often I am the one with 4 talents. I wonder, in that parable, how did the one with 4 talents felt. No matter what he did, the one with 10 would always have more than him. Before doing anything, he has 6 more. When both work hard at their talents and had reaped 2 folds, the one with 10 talents has now 12 more than the one with 4 talents. Did the one with 4 talents often look up and felt inferior and then become like the one with 1 talent, burying all he has and then walk away?
Whenever I watch Youtube, I feel like the one with 4 talents. There are so many people with talents out there. What would make me succeed? At 23, there are some who can sing so well and play the guitar also. At 23, there are some who write so well that their books are reprinted over and over again. And I at 23 have nothing to my name.
I really hope that my thoughts of becoming a worship pastor would not be a safety net I have cast for myself to feel better. I really Hope that its from you and that you have called me to be. I know that your plans are perfect even though now I cant see it, that is why you tell me often to have faith. Faith is believing in things that cant been yet seen. Oh Lord, I know I am now wallowing in self pity, something I must not do as its the devil's way of putting me down. I am born to rock! Teach me what to do Dad, guide me to make the right decisions. I wanna be just like you. I wanna follow in your legacy. I know time is not a factor for you as you have eternity. Change my value of success and my value of wealth. Change my view to what life really means. Let me know that you value Character and love above all things else. And no matter how bad life seems, you would always always love me still.
Love,
Vin
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Words in my head
I just realised that if I blogged each time I thought of something in my head, my blog would be a fairy tale of my life. The life I want it to be, where everything is just so perfect for the moment and its where all fantasy came true.
Like being with the girl I love, being fit and good looking, being able to capture every moment in stills with her, hugging her till she sleeps, stay by her when she's sick and share her joy when she has done well.
I'm feeling love sick. No idea why. Feeling like I just wanna do nothing and be with her. I asked God a million time who is it, is it her? But never seemed to get an answer and never felt safe enough to take the plunge. Right now, no one else seems to be able to compare with her even if I tried. They may be better than her in some aspects, but at the end of the day, I know who I wanna go home to.
Is this the problem of sleeping late? Late nights makes me think of silly stuffs. Sometimes I choose to take the shortcut, so that I can ease the uncomfortable feeling, only to regret a thousand time over later. How stupid ya? Yet I do it again and again.
Like being with the girl I love, being fit and good looking, being able to capture every moment in stills with her, hugging her till she sleeps, stay by her when she's sick and share her joy when she has done well.
I'm feeling love sick. No idea why. Feeling like I just wanna do nothing and be with her. I asked God a million time who is it, is it her? But never seemed to get an answer and never felt safe enough to take the plunge. Right now, no one else seems to be able to compare with her even if I tried. They may be better than her in some aspects, but at the end of the day, I know who I wanna go home to.
Is this the problem of sleeping late? Late nights makes me think of silly stuffs. Sometimes I choose to take the shortcut, so that I can ease the uncomfortable feeling, only to regret a thousand time over later. How stupid ya? Yet I do it again and again.
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