Each time I think I know, the next moment I'll be in doubt.
It has never occur to me till now that this could be what the Lord is teaching me. That each time I'm so very sure about myself and the decision I'm about to make, the situation changes. How sure can you be about anything?
At this moment I feel that God is telling me to let it all go. Just let Him be Lord in this area of choosing a girlfriend (wife). Its like the Bible said, draw near to Him and you will hear His voice and you will know its Him. (something like that, I kinda paraphrased/ jumbled it a bit)
The whole of last week, I was thinking her (the fun girl) cause we chatted online for a really long while and things were getting on the right track. But I didnt take any steps to catch up with her within the week. Just didnt want to rush things or going ahead without God's affirmation.
Today I had a great time having dinner with cool people from church and just talking over coffee. She (the insanely sweet girl) was there and she took my breath away pretty much. I just happened to have a sudden insight that I know why I liked her that much. I want to get to know the other side of her. I believe she is the fun kinda girl when you are close and comfortable to her. I want to get to know that side of her. And when the previous week seems so sure that the other was a better choice, this had to happen.
I sometimes wonder if God is testing me. Testing my fidelity cause I may be fickle minded at times and I tend to trust my eyes too much.
Now, I'm not so sure about myself, about everything. All I want to do is that when I do think of something, I'll quickly commit it to Him and pray that He guides me from the very beginning so that I'll walk in His ways, AMEN!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Spiritual act of Worship
Last Saturday I met Tim Hughes and Al Gordon. They were leading in a conference organised by Worship Central and its a training conference for worship leaders, musicians and worshippers.
I was there and I was fed.
Last week, I went for BAG and I must say that it had been divinely planned put by God. I didnt want to go for BAG, but Cass called and asked if I was going. I told her no as I just wanted to slack at home, but then when I reached home, I decided to go.
At Pastor Ed's place, I was told that Clare who was to lead worship had forgotten to prepare, so I said ok, I'll do it. Pastor wanted the song "Ascribe greatness to our God" and I was like, ok, let me go figure out the chords. I did and then I had to choose another song. As I was figuring out the chords, the song "Heart of worship" just came out of my mouth. Since I was very familiar with it I decided to go ahead to sing it.
During worship, I knew it was the Holy Spirit who empowered me to lead it as firstly, my vocal tone was nice and I harmonise without knowing what it was like and I improvise "Heart of worship" with a bridge that I didnt know was going to come out. I thanked the Lord for this is something that I was hoping for a long time. A spirit led worship. That was my encounter with the Holy Spirit through worship.
The next day I went for the Worship Central conference and I was led into worship by Al. Tim's massage taught me new things about God and enlarge my vision of Christ. I bought his new book titled "Holding nothing Back" and have finished reading it. I also got Al's album and it is really good.
These 2 days were spiritual feeding for me and I've been stirred up with passion in my heart, I have been consumed with fire and I wanted to burn for God.
But as the days go by, even reading the book wasnt enough to keep me burning for long. I tried to stay as Christ-like as I can, but as the days go by in camp, I was conformed to the world again. Today, I am drained. I felt like I couldnt worship God. I wanted Him to be there in the sanctuary with me.
I've got a lot of things going on in my head. Another week in camp is another trying week, trying to be strong in the Lord. I wanna be changed, I wanna be transformed. Worship leads to obedience. Where is my act of obedience? Where is my surrender? When it comes to the crunch, I conform. Truly I need to see God, hear God, know God.
Please pay me a visit dear Lord! Amen!
I was there and I was fed.
Last week, I went for BAG and I must say that it had been divinely planned put by God. I didnt want to go for BAG, but Cass called and asked if I was going. I told her no as I just wanted to slack at home, but then when I reached home, I decided to go.
At Pastor Ed's place, I was told that Clare who was to lead worship had forgotten to prepare, so I said ok, I'll do it. Pastor wanted the song "Ascribe greatness to our God" and I was like, ok, let me go figure out the chords. I did and then I had to choose another song. As I was figuring out the chords, the song "Heart of worship" just came out of my mouth. Since I was very familiar with it I decided to go ahead to sing it.
During worship, I knew it was the Holy Spirit who empowered me to lead it as firstly, my vocal tone was nice and I harmonise without knowing what it was like and I improvise "Heart of worship" with a bridge that I didnt know was going to come out. I thanked the Lord for this is something that I was hoping for a long time. A spirit led worship. That was my encounter with the Holy Spirit through worship.
The next day I went for the Worship Central conference and I was led into worship by Al. Tim's massage taught me new things about God and enlarge my vision of Christ. I bought his new book titled "Holding nothing Back" and have finished reading it. I also got Al's album and it is really good.
These 2 days were spiritual feeding for me and I've been stirred up with passion in my heart, I have been consumed with fire and I wanted to burn for God.
But as the days go by, even reading the book wasnt enough to keep me burning for long. I tried to stay as Christ-like as I can, but as the days go by in camp, I was conformed to the world again. Today, I am drained. I felt like I couldnt worship God. I wanted Him to be there in the sanctuary with me.
I've got a lot of things going on in my head. Another week in camp is another trying week, trying to be strong in the Lord. I wanna be changed, I wanna be transformed. Worship leads to obedience. Where is my act of obedience? Where is my surrender? When it comes to the crunch, I conform. Truly I need to see God, hear God, know God.
Please pay me a visit dear Lord! Amen!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
What would you do?
One whom you're attracted to without any reason. You just like her so much for so long. And no matter for how long you seem like you are not interested in her at all, you will one fine day.
But she is cold. She is responding to you only cause she wants to be civil. She would rather just maintain being like how it has been for a long time. And you feel that she isnt opening up to you.
Two is the fun attractive one. She is simple fun and she is open and talking to you alot. You get fun and joy out of your conversation and it can get flirty at times. She comments about things you do and praises you and says thanks. She response above all else.
But her family is a hinderance. You dont know what else to do as she might just take you as a normal friend.
Who would you choose? What would you do?
I'm confused. I'm at a lost of what to do.
But she is cold. She is responding to you only cause she wants to be civil. She would rather just maintain being like how it has been for a long time. And you feel that she isnt opening up to you.
Two is the fun attractive one. She is simple fun and she is open and talking to you alot. You get fun and joy out of your conversation and it can get flirty at times. She comments about things you do and praises you and says thanks. She response above all else.
But her family is a hinderance. You dont know what else to do as she might just take you as a normal friend.
Who would you choose? What would you do?
I'm confused. I'm at a lost of what to do.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Everything...
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Letting it out...
I just felt rather dumb entering that post. Or rather I felt that I needed a space to let it out.
Just an update of what is going on. I'm typing this from home and I am now STAYING IN for a 4 months course. Why am I home now? cause I have nights out on wednesdays :)
I have been thinking about going to her hall and have a little surprise for her birthday. Yes, I thought about it quite some time ago. I wanted to get a few people to just pop up at her hall and yell HAPPY BIRTHDAY! cut the cake, give her a nice present and then go back home. Something just to make her day.
Oh well, I had to start staying in camp that very week of her birthday.
I seriously have no idea why I am so attracted to her. I'm not even sure if its look or character that I am attracted to. I have no reason to be in contact with her. I only managed to start a conversation with her after a very long while of silence. But I'm deeply in love (not technically cause I'm not in a relationship with her) with her.
Some times I get a no response for an answer in a conversation, some times it feels like she just answer me cause she has to, in all politeness. I get turn off by this as the girl I hope to be with must be able to communicate with me and we have to hit it off well.
We did when I first got to know her, but soon after I did, things just began to go down hill.
As some of my friends mentioned, maybe the time isnt right, maybe she isnt the one. There are lots of unanswered questions that only My God knows. But to be so deeply attracted for so long, I really dont understand.
My emotions gets affected by my thoughts about her. now tell me, why does she have such power over me? I feel so, helpless. Help me Lord.
Just an update of what is going on. I'm typing this from home and I am now STAYING IN for a 4 months course. Why am I home now? cause I have nights out on wednesdays :)
I have been thinking about going to her hall and have a little surprise for her birthday. Yes, I thought about it quite some time ago. I wanted to get a few people to just pop up at her hall and yell HAPPY BIRTHDAY! cut the cake, give her a nice present and then go back home. Something just to make her day.
Oh well, I had to start staying in camp that very week of her birthday.
I seriously have no idea why I am so attracted to her. I'm not even sure if its look or character that I am attracted to. I have no reason to be in contact with her. I only managed to start a conversation with her after a very long while of silence. But I'm deeply in love (not technically cause I'm not in a relationship with her) with her.
Some times I get a no response for an answer in a conversation, some times it feels like she just answer me cause she has to, in all politeness. I get turn off by this as the girl I hope to be with must be able to communicate with me and we have to hit it off well.
We did when I first got to know her, but soon after I did, things just began to go down hill.
As some of my friends mentioned, maybe the time isnt right, maybe she isnt the one. There are lots of unanswered questions that only My God knows. But to be so deeply attracted for so long, I really dont understand.
My emotions gets affected by my thoughts about her. now tell me, why does she have such power over me? I feel so, helpless. Help me Lord.
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