Ex(s)

Let me start of by saying that I'm not bad mouthing or 'kiss-and-tell' it all kinda stuffs that I'm about to write. Yes I know I dont need an (s) at the back of mine, but its just for the majority. I just came back from a chill out session with some of my really good friends and we were talking about this and it seems really interesting what we were talking about.

So, the story goes like this, S is my friend that I hang out with. He has a girlfriend and she is C. So recently S and C arent seen together anymore and S seems to like have a sudden weird interest in other girls. So our suspicion arise as S isnt that kind who would gain an outspoken interest in other girls while he is attached. I have not seen C around for quite sometime already and so I decided to ask J who is S's close buddy. According to J, S didnt mention anything about break up but when questioned about C, he merely responds with a " I have not spoken to her in a long while". So since J couldnt get anymore out of S, J and I decided to go and ask C directly.

C is S and J's common friend. So getting C out wasnt an awkward or out of a blue thing to do. We talked to C and we got the answer from her. S and her have broken up and she wants to talk to him but he isnt keen. So here comes out topic.

1) The guy usually dont want to talk to the girl after a break up.
2) Its wrong of other guy friends to hang out with a buddy's Ex.
3) The Ex(guy/girl) will bad mouth about the ex(s).

Apparently, (1) seems to be true. I, myself, for one, am like that. I dont know what is the reason that I dont want to talk to her but I just dont want to. For N is the same. He doesnt really bothers about his Ex. Maybe he does talk to them when hee needs to, but usually he wont want to talk to them or mention about them at all. When others does, he gets defensive and sometimes angry. As for S, he is a total no go. He hates them, doesnt want to talk about them, see them, be near them. Its a total excommunication for him. So, for (1) it really does seem that Ex is an Ex and I have nothing to do with them unless REALLY REALLY no choice or life and death situation or last resort that a guy would find an Ex.

I have always thought that its fine that my buddies hang out with my Ex. I mean after all they could be mutual friends too and in time that we have dated, some of my friends would have become her friends too. But from N's point of view its not a good to be doing. You are not being loyal to your buddy! And he feels that its like wrong to be out with your buddy's Ex. But he did agree that its fine sometimes and that your buddy need not know that you meet up with his Ex. As for S, you know that he is no go, so his stand perhaps would be its wrong. And probably ask you back, " What do you want by hanging out with her, you tell me."

I really dont think that your Ex would bad mouth about you. I feel that I go for both looks and character so I know if she is a nice girl or not. Maybe I have only 1 ex so I cant comment on this. Or maybe I was lucky to have a rather nice ex who doesnt do it, or maybe I just dont know what she says behind me! but N really thinks that would happen. I think he feels this way cause he had an ex that was scary after they broke up but I dont think any of them ever bad mouthed him.

So in my opinion, I really think that after a break up its hard for Ex(s) to be friends and talk. Its far easier ignoring each other and just get on with life. And I still dont think its wrong that my friends hangs out with my Ex. I mean I do get jealous (like why do they rather go out with her than with me) but I have to be rational. My friends are her friends too, I cant be selfish and self-centered and be a spoil brat. As for the last topic, I've just got 1 thing to say about this: You are the one who chose girl/guy. If you go for just looks only, then probably you would end up having one that bads mouth you to all of your friends and her friends and eveyone else and make you look like a jerk. I go for looks (yes that is important) and I go for character (this is even more important) and would seriously date them if they possess both elements. In this case, I wont have to worry about they bad mouthing part, cause I know I'm a very very NICE guy (ok you can vomit/faint or whatever you want though that is the truth!) and I'll treat her very well. And if they have a good character, they wont bad mouth. They would probably just let it go (I think, girls are hard to predict and understand).

If you have any opposing thoughts or any other thoughts about this, you could respond in the comments section. I would like to hear your opinion. But PLEASE, think before you type. Be kind and gentle in your response. Thank you :)

Characters mentioned in this post are deliberately censored so that their privacy is protected and kept confidential. If you think that you know they characters mentioned, trying to ask them about this would be futile as they wont know what you are talking about. Even if they do know, they wont tell you what they know. Thank you for helping by just taking this as a topic in this blog only. Thank you.