Its been a long while...

Its been more than 2 months since I last posted. I've not been blogging cause it often takes up too much of my time to blog. When I actually have the time, I dont have the mood to do it. But tonight, however, both of these conditions seem to be present and here I am, writing down some things that have been on my mind. And Yes, I am the kind who does things by mood.

So recently I have been back into being a lil crazy about SNSD thanks to my bro, Mingyue. He came back to Msia for the summer and we chatted and all and he lend me a book which got me crazily in love with the girl group all over again.

Well, chasing idols, stars aint my problem. I dont idolise them as gods or anything but what I like is that they are very pretty. I am attracted to their looks and how they, being stars, are really who they say they are.

Its been a while since I've dated someone. Eye candies are all over the place, but with my mind filled with school work, I hardly have the energy to chase any girl. In fact I think I'm beginning to become dull with girls. Not dull as in dont like em, but dull as in I dont know how to chat up with a girl properly anymore.

With Joyce in ET, our only communication now is via the email. In the world today, that is really slow. Email used to be the fastest communication tool, but with SMS and whatsapp and all that, it seems like forever to receive a reply. I'm so used to instantaneous replies that waiting for one seem to be taking forever.

I really miss the time when I can just send a whatsapp message over and I get replies. I miss talking to people who matter and have deep conversations. I feel like crying now cause I have not found someone who I can have soul talk with and be a soul mate to.

I question many things in life. I question if I can make it in the industry. I question if I would be a big hit in the field. I question if I'll ever marry before the world ends. I question if there'll be enough for me and my family. I question many things, but somehow, one thing that I never did or would ever question about is God. O know He is real, even when you dont see Him. I can feel Him, I can hear His voice. I know His Spirit is within me and Christ who is in me, is the hope of Glory. But still I feel lonely. I feel terribly alone.

I feel like I wanna take sometime off and do something meaningful. Maybe a 6months stint in Thailand, or Cebu. Praying for the sick, visiting church members. I dont know why I feel so unsatisfied studying something that I was born to do. I dont know why I wanna finish it asap. I know that there is more than just this studies, which is jus a phase. But this nudging feeling just wont go away.

I can keep ranting on, but I feel that there is no point and no end to it. Reality is as such and I can only keep my eyes on Him and Him alone. May His will be done in my life, that I might glorify Him. I love you Jesus, no matter what it may seem.