Life as it is

Many things can go wrong at the time that you think it wouldn't. Its not about what you do, how much you sacrifice, its all about identity in Christ.

when things are crashing down, there is only one person alone to rely on, God.

I've just been given SOP. To some SOP means Standard Operating Procedure, or Special Operations Platoon. In my case its called Stoppage of Privileges. What it means is that I cannot take off or leave or MC in this period. I felt it was unfair, but in truth I do have some responsibility to hold in this case. Rather than blaming others or reacting in anger, I've decided to clear the mess.

I'm going to live as Christ lived. no matter how hard its going to be

Thank you Lord Jesus, thank you Father, thank you Holy Spirit.

Set me apart for Your Glory.

ps. I enjoy Gossip Girl. Its so often so real.

The other half

This is the response to my SMS from my CG peeps.

The question: Hey guys there is CG lunch on Sun. Pls reply to say if u can make it or not. And if your other half is coming. Thanks.

Joyce Goh: Har Har other half. Lol! Yes i'm coming but the other's not. At tekong on field camp Lol:)

Clare: I'm coming. I wished I have an other half.

Lyd: Haha.. Ok i'm coming! No other half to bring along.. Haha..

Cas: Coming. Feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to study. ( as I interpret, either she is too busy to notice about the question of the other half or too busy to have another half or she is hiding something by changing topic :P)

Andrew aka Nate: Can.
(so i teased him about the question I asked. I replied him: Can for you and your other half or just you?)

Andrew aka Nate: Haha... Just me. No other half.

Glenda: Yup. I'll be there.
(and I had to check if her other half was coming and she replied)

Glenda: Yes count him in also. And jo as well cause he is joel.

And what if I were to answer my own question? Well, here it is.

Alvin: Yea, coming. And my other half also. She'll be coming... ... ... soon. I hope.

Baruk

Baruk is the Hebrew word for bless.

While I was in the cab traveling to camp and back, these thoughts kept coming to me. Give to the Lord, be a blessing to someone, that he may say that you are indeed a blessing to the nation and that may he praise your God that you serve.

I've decided to bless this fellow who summoned me back to my work place on an off day. Trust in the Lord. When you have given your life to Him, He is about to use you for His own glory. No matter how is seems, what's the process. Are you willing to obey?

Irony of life?

I took off to rest at home. Only to be summoned to my work place by my colleague who accidentally locked himself out of the office. The irony of it all is that I have to trust in the Lord that He is still in control and has not abondoned me. Child like faith? Faith the size of a mustard seed? I dont know. Its just a weird day.

But I believe that there is no mistake in Christ, only mysteries.

What now?

Ok, so the hype of getting a guitar is over. Discontentment is about to set in, as always. The thought of saving up for the next guitar is just about floating in my head and I've forgotten about contentment and forgotten about providence.

What happened to the me I knew just the other day?

Something isnt quite right with me. Feels like nothing is going my way and everything feels so unfamiliar. I think I might just be falling into Satan's trap of self-pity. I'm so lousy, I'm not good at this, I'm not good at that. I question many things and I feel that I lack many things around me.

I cant particularly say what is wrong, I just feel that something is wrong. Though often I've been told that our relationship with God isnt just based on feelings but on the word of God, I just cant help feeling this way. Its like suddenly I lacked the zeal to worship, I cant get lost in it. I wonder where God is.

There is this moment this morning when Pastor asked people who were at the pre service prayer to pray for the worship team. When Uncle Henry prayed for me, I was tearing. His prayer connected to what I was thinking at the moment. He prayed, that Alvin would be more than playing an instrument, more than a worshiper. He would be seeking You and You alone.

After that, the first service, what I played actually was better than what I expected and it was in groove and perfect, that is what I thought. But somehow I lost it when I played it the second time round for the second service. I never got that inner guidance that I had earlier, like as if the presence of God left me.

Anyhow, I know that there is one person who would make me be steadfast in loving someone. I am quite sure already. Just that, in reality, nothing seems like it.

That aside, I feel like sleeping right now. Dont really want to go to work. I hope I can take a day off and stay home and fast and pray. I really need the Lord. Please me merciful towards me. Let Your covenant be renewed with me.