The 3 roses.

I've been troubled by these 3 roses for quite some time already. Each time I dont know what to do. I can only commit them and myself to God in prayer.

The first one being the one that I really love. The one that God actually gave my heart a desire for. The sweetest girl with the most beautiful smile. I've liked her for close to 6 years now. But so far nothing has happened between us. Anyway, at the moment, she's totally unreachable. Her heart is with another.

The second is the one who is fun and flirty. She gives me a nice feel, but apparently she is friendly to everyone too. She has been a bit of an influence to my music and she is as arty as I like her to be. I imagine photo taking sessions with her and going to pubs listening to local stuffs. She brings out the fun and joy in me.

As for the third one, I've only recently got close to her. After hanging out with her for awhile, I find that she is really pretty and cute and fun. But it does seems like she is a little shallow, but nonetheless, I believe that there's more to her than that. She easily excitable and its really nice to talk to her.

I so want to be with any of them now. I feel like I need a relationship of a deeper level. I pray and pray but I dont know what God has planned for me. Its causing me to think a lot these days.

Anyway, this is just for cheap thrill. I've typed this whole post on my handphone. Cool huh?!

If you know what I mean

I really just feel like falling in love with you. I'm holding back now cause I dont want another repeated episode of what I went through the last time, but I feel very reckless now. I just wanna fall so deep I wonder how would I climb up and out when I have to. It seems foolish, yes it is foolish and love makes you foolish, doesnt it?

Its not that I dont care about God anymore or if I wanna rebel against Him. No, I'm not. Neither am I on a vendetta that since she is going into one so must I. No, I'm not jealous or reacting the severe opposite way. I just want a companionship that is more than just friend. Someone I can pour out my love to. I guess, in some way, I understand how God feels. A small fraction of knowing what it feels like to have love yet not share it.

I just want to hold you so close to me, forever. that is the feeling I get when I'm near you. But I'm afraid to fall in love with you. I dont know if I would end up hurting you or you hurting me. And somehow, you are not the one God seem to have placed in my heart.

At this moment I wished that I dont have to think of the consequences, the aftermath, the causes and effect, I just wanna fall for you. You make it so hard for me, yet, I do have feelings for you. If only I knew what is going through your mind.

Tonight would be the night I fall for you, only if I'm sure that this would be true.