In a Relationship,

lying gets you no where. In fact no matter what, lying does nothing but makes matters worse. The truth will set you free, but dont forget it wont be without the consequences.

2 hers

I can just feel emotional reading her blog. and what it feels like next is that I wanna be drowned in music. That me and thats what I feel each time I read her blog. It like 2 loves of my life, her and my music.

Anyway, sometimes I dont know who you are anymore. Maybe I should stop reading your blog. You give me a bad after taste. Maybe our lives shouldnt cross at all.

Friend

A friend makes your day when he/she replies your sms/msn. How nice to have friends like that. But there is one thing that comes with this type of friends, they know you too well to actually know what you are thinking without you actually saying anything. Scary? Be thankful that they know.

It seems like after that reply, all your other friends, seem to have found the msg you sent. Amazing? I dont know. I'm eager to know everything that goes on behind my life when I see my Lord God in heaven.

Thank you friend.

The real me

I miss you and I only wish that I could share a lifetime of experiences with you.

The only thing that brings me close to you is actually a livejournal blog.

Way to go loser.

Conversations

Wanna know me, ask me. Dont read it off my blog. I dont write everything here anymore.

Anyway, Gossip Girl is actually worth watching. I hate to admit it, I like it.

Gossip Girl

I actually do enjoy watching Gossip Girls.

The current episode I'm on is very good. S1E06

What do you call this feeling?

Do you go shy and quiet when you are around someone you love?

Do you just want to admire from a far and know that she is doing well?

Do you feel proud of her but just dare not go up and congratulate her?

Do you want to scream out how you feel about her but afraid she'll be frightened off?

Is this what you call love? Is this the person that you love? Is this love or is it admiration? What is this? I'm so afraid of losing her and the friendship and what little I have with her that I stop at doing nothing. She is doing so so well. Couldn't be more proud of her than I already am.

Hope, dreams, desires Vs. WILL

I want so much to be a musician, a composer, a sound engineer, a producer. I have so much plans and dreams that I want to fulfill. I want to write song that Glorifies my God, I want to write songs that would help people in their walk with God (not that God needs me to help them), I want to write songs that would move the world, I want to write songs that are Spirit infused.

I want to play songs like that. I mean anyone else would be able to, but its the journey and the team spirit with His people that I want to be part of. I'm not into the limelight though if I ever get successful that would probably drown me.

I want to be the producer behind these tunes, I want to be the one capturing the music. I want to put soul into tape or digital. I want to be there every moment these songs are being captured. Be it live or studio I want to be there.

There is an inner me that is all that. But how am I going to do this? I'm not very talented. I don't have the finance. I hope to live well and support my family and I don't know if this job gives me time to spend with my family and friends and relatives also.

I holding on fast to these desires and by faith I'll be able to accomplish them. Yet, I do not want to hinder God's will. These few days I've been praying and seeking. I wished God talk to me again.

The fine prints

I really cant believe what I just read on her blog.

" no way am i taking photos of the red swimsuit(: "

Sounds like your job is more than what you have asked for? Or maybe you've known it all along. Its just a minor detail that you have forgotten to mention :)

What ever it is, I hope you have a great time. I thought I was the only one who was paid to play, now you get paid and you can play too!

a 1000 miles

I feel so emotional after reading her blog. There is so much I wanna do, but there is only so much I can do. That is to pray.

Seems like the long flight has taken a troll on her and she is a little sick now. Please take care. Do as your daddy says. Anyway, her Dad is the coolest. He has a lj account to comment on her blog and he gives her advices on her blog and tells her on her blog that he will activate her auto roam asap! How cool a dad is he! And he is rather funny too.

I hope that she is having a great time there. I fasted and prayed for her safety and I really thank God that she is fine so far.

All I do want to let her know is that I'll keep on praying for her and that now she is a 1000 miles or more away, the nearest help that she can get is God. Take care!

the stone in my heart

This week has been AMAZING! There were so many things I did that were totally crazy.

Sunday, vocal training was good. Ignoring the teacher, my team were doing very well and I could feel like God was there anointing us as we sang. It marks the end of my training and I felt that it has been beneficial no matter what has happened.

I had to go back home for dinner as it was my aunt's birthday. The rest of the gang was lan-ing. I all truth, I was really down. I wanted to join them, I wanted to go. But I knew where my responsibility was. This was an aunt that has brought me up and its only respectful that I attend this dinner.

After much struggle within myself about all the planning how I could go and meet them, I told the Lord, I want to obey Him. I left it at His feet and just decided to stay home. There are many things to I have committed to the Lord and one of them is my relationship with Glenda. Its not about if I want to or not. Its not about pride and of who gives in. Its about obedience.

After all that thoughts and telling them to God, I was rewarded almost instantly. Cass called me to say that they are hanging out much later than planned asked if I wanted to join them. I asked for permission to use the car and off I went.

What happened next is totally out of my mind. We went to a HongKong like cafe for desserts and stayed there for awhile. Jacob and Glenda had to leave earlier and so I was left to send Joel and Jeremiah. But when we were leaving, Cass, Sam and Vanny didn't want to go home yet. So Shaun gave Joel and Jeremiah a lift home while I went out with the girls.

We didn't know where to go and chill and after awhile, we decided to drive up mount Faber. Actually we just wanted to find a place to sit I think. But we ended up playing bridge there. It was here again I felt that I cant measure up. You seem so good, far too good for me. If besides a liking I had for her, it was admiration. I would be totally 'ownt' by her anytime she is good at what I think I would like to learn.

But I really had a good time playing bridge with her and Cass and Sam, who was playing it for the first time. We left the place at 2 am. Did I mention that I had to go back to camp like at 7am later that day? I was surviving on 'high-ness'.

Last night I was invited to my God ma's place for dinner. The YA com was there to do some planning and like bonding session. I think Wii bonds people, its just crazy, what a weird way of bonding people. Then we had to do this words of affirmation. It was really scary for me. To be the one saying and the one sitting there in the middle. Vanny was first to go and when I said want I wanted to say, there were giggles! Some times I find friends a hindrance, but I'm glad that it didn't get blown up and it was just passed on.

Well, all in all we played Wii till late into the night and played Bridge also. We also taught Vanny how to play poker. It was rather funny, she lost all of her credits rather quickly. Well we slept over at my God ma's place and had brunch together.

She left about 12pm to meet her CG girls. After that, I just felt weird. I dont know why but I did. We left the place at 4pm to grab some coffee and they were planning for a farewell dinner/lunch for her, what present to buy and all. All these made me rather emo. I didn't comment much as I really don't know what to say.

The fact that she is leaving is making me miss her. I'm worried for her safety, worried that she is alone overseas. I feel like I'm so short on time to progress on this relationship that I have always wanted to have and now that things have been getting better, she has to leave.

There are many things that I'm thinking of right now. I know I'm fat and that is a turn off. I'm trying hard to do something about it, but its just so difficult. I don't know how impress her, really. You cant really impress someone that you think so highly of right, can you? Its like I'm trying to make her like me. But you cant make someone like you, dumbo! I'm at a loss as to what to do!

I'm rushing to blog this down as I don't want to forget what I want to say and I need to book in really soon.

But after all these thoughts it dawns upon me that there is something missing. This morning when I was doing my Spirituality gifting survey, my top gifting was FAITH. Now, where is my FAITH in this relationship? Where is my trust in this God that I have. Am I using my gift/talents or am I like the guy in the Bible who buries his talent in the ground?

In Cass's word, I am going to commit all these thoughts to the Lord and keep them in prayer. Having the FAITH that my God is an awesome God who loves His children so much He gave His only Son, Jesus. Who would withhold nothing from us but do all things to bring us back to Him. I will guard my heart from being hurt from this relationship and trust the Lord, my God with all my heart, soul and mind and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge Him and He will make my path straight.

Amen.