A quarter of a Century

So 2 days back I hit the "Quarter of a Century Old" mark. Was going to reflect and post something but as usual, laziness got the better of me.

This year things seem to have become quieter. In the sense that I usually get a word from God for my life at each birthday. But this year I've not heard anything. I'm not sure if its because I have not been close to Him or been sensitive towards Him. But I know He speaks when He wants to, not dependent on how close am I or what not.

Yes, I have not been regularly attending church, or reading the bible or praying or doing the healthy disciplines of a Christian. But that does not mean I do not care about God or that there is zero interaction between us. I merely am not giving as much time as I love to have with Him.

Well the main thing I wanna write today is not so much about my birthday or about my relationship with God. I wanna write about people and life in general.

You know I love my friends and I hate to be doing things alone. I would sacrifice some of the things I would love to do and go along with their plans. But recently I have been experiencing something that I almost never have felt or experienced before.

I have now moved into a new place with a college mate. He is my senior and with another junior, 3 of us share an apartment. Living here is fine, but I finally guess now I know what my previous housemate must have felt when C and I went out often without him. Being left of your friend's plan is possibly the most "sian" thing to feel.

It wouldn't be that bad if we were just housemate or we just met. It hit me quite badly cause last semester we hung out so much and honestly I really think he is a good friend. Its just that this semester things start to change. Firstly he would have plans without telling me. Then his actions or what he does feels sly-ish. Like go out when I am sleeping or showering. I mean, just tell me la. If you dont want me to follow or what just say. I rather you tell me than to have me second guess your action or sense what you are up to.

I am thankful for the birthday dinner he planned and got some friends together. But day to day, I feel used because now he would only find me if he needs my help. I mean, I can act and smile all the time but I think some self reflection is needed here. Everyone can be selfish and do what works for themselves but that would be so sad. A society that is so inward looking.

If any of you reading this fully understand the meaning of this post, I would gladly appreciate that you keep it to yourself. I'm letting it out here cause I want to maintain this friendship. Not for any gains but I truly am grateful for a friend like him. Just that there are some issues that I need to let it go and this is my outlet.

Now as I type this, I am thinking; should I from now on just be selfish and do what I wanna do or continue to be friendly and keep going on like nothing has happened. I dont know. I think I have ranted enough and I'll see what happens next. Maybe things would get better, maybe there would be a last straw. Who knows? Just wait and see.