FAITHFULNESS!

"I woke up this morning feeling like some people are doing their very best but they feel like they are failing! Maybe it's because your business is barely making you a living, or your family (kids or marriage, etc) are struggling in some way...the list is endless BUT faithfulness is success in God!

You can't determine outcomes, you are only responsible for doing what's right...serving people with excellence, loving people well, putting God first...but that doesn't mean you will necessarily make a lot of money, or that your family will be perfect, etc.

In the Bible, Joseph was sold into slavery but God said he was successful. Than Joe was sent to prison, yet again God said he was successful. Finally he was promoted to the palace where the world got to see what had been going on in this man's life for 2 decades! Faithfulness to God in any circumstance, (in good times and in tuff times), is success! Don't forget that...

Now stop condemning yourself and be at peace...help is on the way..." - KV

Grace, Faith, Works

Something I took away from yesterday's sermon. Teachers are good. Because they are clear and puts the truth in very simple yet plain words for easy understanding. The balance of the 5 fold needs to be in place.  Where is the law found? In the beginning. Genesis. And in the beginning, as John wrote, was the Word. Jesus was actually asking if you could see, that, I am the beginning, I am the Word, and in the Word, I am the Law. We are saved by grace through faith, not works lest we boast of our salvation. But we were saved by grace through faith, so that our faith in Him may produce the good works that we have been called to and saved to do. (James says that we are justified by works not just faith alone) That the good works in deeds may be pleasing to God and thus glorifying Him by the praises of men. This is the truth, the tension and the paradox: that we are saved by grace through faith, so that the works done out of that relationship produces excellence. And when people who are around, has seen the good works of your hands and that it has been blessed by the One who saved you, they cannot help but give glory and praise to the One who has called you and saved you; by grace, through faith, no less.

The Desert Test

Based on Japanese Archetypes the desert represents a hardship. Each of the animals represents an aspect of your life. The order in which you sacrifice the animals might be said to represent the importance of these things to you. The one that you sacrificed first is the least important, and the one that you kept is the most important.
1 You sacrificed the Lion. The Lion represents pride.
2 You sacrificed the Monkey. The Monkey represents your children.
3 You sacrificed the Sheep. The Sheep represents friendship.
4 You sacrificed the Cow. The Cow represents basic needs.
5 You kept the Horse. The Horse represents your passion.

From a random personality test...

1. A kind of person you will be attracted to in a real life situation is those who are unbridled and free
2. In the process of courtship, the approach that makes you feel irresistible is being straightforward, and having your partner speak directly.
3. The impression you'd like to give to your lover is optimistic.
4. One reason that would make you break up with your partner is his or her being emotional. If they're moody, you won't know how to please them.
5. The kind of relationship you'd like to build with your partner is that you care not only about the present but also the future with your partner. A long-lasting relationship that you can grow with is important.
6. Would you commit adultery? Society and morality worry you. You wouldn't do anything wrong after marriage.
7. About marriage, you think marriage is a precious thing. Once you get married, you'll treasure your partner very much.
8. About love, at this moment, you always thirst for love. You will do anything for it, but you don't fall in love easily.

Passion

There is no real love without intense passion. There is no intense passion that doesn't require extreme sacrifice. There is no extreme sacrifice that doesn't test the limits of our very souls. And it is only those souls that know the depths of God's love which transcend the minds of men and fulfills the longings of their hearts. - KV

Wisdom - And all that it encompasses

When we lose the knowledge of the existence of a creator, we lose the concept of design. When we lose the concept of design, we undermine the discovery of purpose. When we undermine the discovery of purpose, we remove the conviction of accountability. When we remove the conviction of accountability, we undermine the fear of God. The Bible says, the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. - Bill Johnson

A really long update cause I can

I'm typing this as I think through and reflect on what I have been through and to give thanks for whatever that was thrown at me thus far. The comfort of typing this at my favourite hang, though I have sort of delayed doing this for a while. And perhaps to crystalize it in this memory log and to provide a closure of sorts.

So June was an extremely tough time, but it was not without His grace and goodness.

At the end of May I quit school due to 3 reasons; 1. because school was being delayed (because I failed my drums technical studies last semester. No one to blame of course but myself, but not looking for an excuse or what but the syllabus is just... never mind.) 2. my pianist pulled out of my exams 1 week before and to replace and rehearse was gonna crazy plus panicky. I sort of figured this would happen, another long story by the way, so when it happened, I decided that this would be it. 3. My mum had a dream that I was involved in a serious accident and died. So she was worried and she called me and asked. When I told her that I was ok physically but felt like I was dying spiritually, she asked me to think if I would still want to continue studying. This was the partial permission which I took up in the end and called it quits.

Calling it quits was one thing, VISA with a SPECIAL stamp issue was another (look at post tittled: Heartdriven Taiwan 2013).

But this Taiwan Trip was the highlight of June. June was a busy month. After Taiwan, I did worship for 3 consecutive weekends and welcomed July with a busking/worship/jam session and a covering and liberation.

In June I received a new mentor and a much needed covering. This agreement has helped me because all of a sudden I feel like I can do what I want to as long as I am accountable to him. Its not for me to abuse but for me to steward it well and bless others. But not being under a covering for so long, this shelter has suddenly helped me to understand the importance of it.

Also, coming back to SG and leading worship in one of the cell/sharing session has lead to a blessing that was a total SURPRISE! Cynthia, after the whole session, at the Bus-Stop in front of her house, prayed for me for like 30mins and my, the prayer was so generous I was truly truly blessed. It was liberating and affirming and encouraging all at once. (Will attempt to blog about this in greater details)

Not only all that good things had happened, but I know that God has confirmed my dreams of having a building, the finances He is gonna pour into my life and like many more. Ok for the details I'll try to get them out ASAP, but for now this is about it.

Yes, I am counting all my blessings and naming them one by one. I have to do so for contentment and testimony is the way to go, for all glory, belongs to Him and Him alone. Besides otherwise, I'll be whining at my current situation and forgotten how He has come through for me. Lest I be like the Israelites when God took them out of slavery and yet they complained against Him.

God is good all the time. Amen!

From Generations to Generations

“Come everybody, gather around, listen: Who among the gods has delivered the news? I, God, love this man Cyrus, and I’m using him to do what I want with Babylon. I, yes I, have spoken. I’ve called him. I’ve brought him here. He’ll be successful. Come close, listen carefully: I’ve never kept secrets from you. I’ve always been present with you.” And now, the Master, God, sends me and his Spirit with this Message from God, your Redeemer, The Holy of Israel: “I am God, your God, who teaches you how to live right and well. I show you what to do, where to go. If you had listened all along to what I told you, your life would have flowed full like a river, blessings rolling in like waves from the sea. Children and grandchildren are like sand, your progeny like grains of sand. There would be no end of them, no danger of losing touch with me.” (Isaiah 48:16-19 MSG)

Destiny

Jesus was crucified from the foundation of the world yet there was no room at the hotel for Him to be born. Therefore the Son of God had to be born in a dirty stable.

What does this tell us about life in God? Just because God is in your destiny doesn't mean everything will work out perfectly. And when things don't go well it doesn't mean God isn't in it.

On the other hand, smooth sailing doesn't guarantee that you will arrive on the shores of your promise land.

I have found that sometimes God causes storms to blow you on course. Other times you discover your destiny on the way to look for your donkeys.

But if you seek Him with all your heart you will eventually windup at your God ordained destiny. 

-KV

No one could have put it better. Oh God help!

Jesus Boleh! - HeartDriven Taiwan Trip 2013

It's a miracle that I am typing this right now, right here, from Taiwan. Just 2 days ago, the situation was really very unfavourable with me being stuck in KL, Msia.

Just last Wed, 5 Jun, I was refused entry into Singapore because I had a "SPECIAL" stamp on my passport due to the student visa on my passport. In brief, I had to renew my passport because I needed more than 6 months validity on my passport to purchase the ticket for this trip. With that settled, I went back to Msia with a stamp indicating that I had to go to the immigration office in KL to get the visa. When I came back to KL, I went to the immigration office as instructed but I was turned away by the officer there as they wanted the college to do it for me since I was a student. So when I asked my college for help, I was advised to renew it only when I returned for the next semester.

Little did I realise that I would be turned away at JB's custom (Msian side) due to the stamp. The officer insisted that this stamp had to be resolved in KL immigration office and he would not grant me clearance to leave Msia. With that my parents (who drove up to KL to fetch me home) were forced to me behind in JB and I was alone with a backpack, heading back to KL on a bus.

Arriving back in KL at 4am, and going to college to seek assistance at 9.30am, the drama continued. So at the immigration office, the officer said that I was legal to be in Msia because I had a valid student visa. Despite that, I had to wait 3 working days (normally visa transfer or cancellation takes 1 day as stated on their banner regarding the number of days it would take to process the stated there). So Friday, I was at the office for the whole day waiting and hoping to hear good news, but to no avail.  To the surprise of my Msian church mates, I showed up in church that weekend and asked them to pray for me.

Come Monday, I spoke to one officer, and he said he knows my case and will try to get the boss to do it. Only at 5pm did he tell me that his boss had been out the whole day, so no one could do it.

Tuesday, I went to the office again, spoke to another officer who said, "I know, I know" and that he will get it process. I waited till 5pm again, to find out that nothing was done.

So I missed 2 rehearsals and and was getting annoyed about the whole process that was taking so long, but even so I was at peace. I didn't get angry or feel the need to go and shout at someone at the office but to speak to them with respect and ask them to help resolve this matter. Ryan then sent me a text on Tuesday night that the band were praying for me and told me not to worry, that he believed that God would make a way when there seems to be no way. That God would turn this impossible situation around to reveal His glory.

Lesson learnt: Even in doing "God's work", we may seek do things our way and think that it might be faster. Thank God that I stayed true to my convictions (and refused to resort to bribery for them to process my passport - contrary to the advice of some of my Msian peers).

Wednesday morning, I went to the office and met the same officer as Tuesday. I spoke to him again and told him about my trip and I needed my passport to get back to SG today. So he took a look at my air ticket, and went, "13th, isn't the 13th tomorrow?" and I replied, "Yes, Sir. It is tomorrow and I have to get back to Singapore ASAP." and he went, "Oh! Like that ah. Like that this one is urgent!" and wrote down "Urgent" on my paper, took my number and said that he will process it now. He was the guy in charge of this. He told me to come back after lunch to collect my passport.

Finally. At 3pm on Wednesday, 12 Jun, I received my passport!

I really thank God, even though, being very honest here, that I was upset because I felt so unprepared for the trip, missing out on rehearsals and wasting so much time in KL, that one day before the trip, I managed to get back to SG at 12 midnight (9 hours before the flight to Taiwan) to join the band.

This answered prayer has encouraged the band. I am so glad that one of them actually shared with his cell and got them to intercede for me.

From here we see the power of prayer and that God is above all obstacles that were preventing me to come on this trip. Our God is the God of both the possible and the impossible. Just being here on day 1 itself has been a testimony for me. Meeting Singaporeans here in Taiwan has greatly encouraged me and their shared passion and vision for God's work really resounded strongly within my spirit. It's only day 1 and the sharing we had a while ago are testimonies about the good things God has done for us and we are so encouraged to expect more from Jehovah Jireh, God our Provider!

Truly His love never fails. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.

Ahhh, yes she did.

I'm so glad that you are around even though I have neglected you quite a fair bit. I seem to only rant here and this blog wasnt supposed to be like that. This was meant to be a space I keep my journey with God, not a ranting place. But I guess, it through all these hard and sad times that I find myself and draw to Him, the only One who can sustain me.

Why am I writing this at 6:30am? Cause I'm in a mood too good to be asleep. Yes its the first time since a very long while that I have felt so so good. And the irony, this was the same person who caused me so much pain 9 months ago. Isnt funny how the joy and pain can be caused by the same one person? Perhaps the Father is revealing something to me but its really comforting to know that I am alive with all these feelings. And I guess being faithful and being available is one of the most important virtue that I possess. However, its also true that it takes two to build any kind of relationship. And as I think even further back to how this blog started, it was this paradox, this one person, whose choice would either make me smile or cry.

So we chatted for 1hr 30mins. It was good. We chatted like we were old friends. Deep within her, she has a heart. She has a mother's heart. A heart that is family first and she'll do no matter what to provide. Sad circumstances that she has gotten herself into, but I'm just glad that we talked and she has put her past issues with me aside.

And this song playing, John Mayer's Edge of Desire is just the song. This was her song. A song that reminded me of her. I know I dont make any sense now. But trust me, if anything, I am in cloud 9.

Perhaps this is why...

Guys, an easy way to get in good with Daddy is to marry one of His amazing daughters. Solomon put it this way, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from The Lord." - KV

I am waiting. Because I know you want me, a King to seek out and find that good thing, and to have a next level access and favour. I know that full well now. Help me to wait it out. Its gonna be worth it. Yes, I know it will.

Freakishly accurate

Your Existing Situation

"Very emotional and artistic, enjoys being surrounded by beauty and art. Looking for a partner who always has an eye for beauty and who enjoys close, loving relationships."

Your Stress Sources

"Demands to be noticed by others as an important individual, needs attention and recognition. His current situation is leaving him dissatisfied. He feels he needs to make friends with those who hold the same high standards he does. Wants to stand out as someone at the top of his class and be admired by others. He needs to feel in control which makes it difficult to give of himself to another person. He feels isolated and alone but refuses to appear weak and continues to be emotionally distant from others in order to keep his attitude of superiority. "

Your Restrained Characteristics

Current events leave him feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.
Current situations force him into compromise and placing his own hopes and desires on hold for the time being.
"Insists his hopes and ideas are realistic and achievable, but needs encouragement and support. His self-centeredness can cause him to take things too personally."
"Insists his hopes and ideas are realistic and achievable, but needs encouragement and support. His self-centeredness can cause him to take things too personally."
Current situations force him into compromise and placing his own hopes and desires on hold for the time being.

Your Desired Objective

Lives life to the fullest. Has a high energy level and is always on the go. He is very active and his actions often lead to success.

Your Actual Problem

Is afraid he will be held back from obtaining the things he wants leading him to act out with a hectic intensity.

Your Actual Problem #2

"Enjoys making new plans and goals, but needs to be respected and admired for the things he accomplishes."

End of something Beautiful

I'm trying not to rant so much here as I have ranted all over the place. Latest victim, Twitter, so here it is. This time things are happening much faster. Like there is a certain urgency. He spoke and I know its time to give up. But as they always say, 3rd time is a charm. Hey, you know what? At least this time He gave a hint, a clue, something to hope for. I dont know when it would be fulfilled, but it would be nice to be soon, like next week... HAHA! So far what I know is that she is like Rachel from the Bible (yes I have a liking for Rachel think Jennifer Aniston from FRIENDS). And she will realise she likes me when she sees me in worship. So far those are the clue. No time indicators like age and all but yea. Hoping to see when its all gonna come and fit in.

Life is hard. Time is a quality that is hard to measure and yet make sense of. I am "wasting" time in many ways but at the same time, I need TIME. So yea, I dont know how to make things work. Money is going out, nowhere near graduation yet. No degree, no job. Sometimes, the easier way is to quit and work study part time. But I think it'll kill me.

Joy is my greatest weapon, the Joy of the Lord shall be my strength. Not by physical strength nor by might, but by His Spirit. (Baptism verse) and His Spirit is full of JOY! No wonder also that my best friend is JOYce Goh. HAHAH!

2013 is a year of FIGHTING and BREAKTHROUGH! Let the flood gates of Heaven open as a new wave of anointing, CROWNS OF FIRE rest upon His chosen ones :D

Keep on Keeping on, Christ is Lord.

Back to this shit again

Love truly drives one crazy. I wish I never fell in the first place. But how not to? You are my kyrptonite.

Trust In All Your Ways

We should trust God with our future and not worry about how it's going to work out. We need to celebrate those He chooses to promote and remind ourselves that He knows what best for each of us. It's faithfulness in the small things, and integrity in the secret place that opens the door to promotion in the public arena.

Managing our heart's desires and navigating our inner life well, is our responsibility. The rest is in His hands. Selah! - KV

An artist’s proud declaration:

My motivation to be my best performance every time I get on stage does not lie in whether or not I score well in the minds of a few veteran experts in the audience.

My motivation to be my best today and better the next time lies in the very fact that I have committed my soul to this very job, namely, a performer and an artist.

It is the essence of this career, the nature of my work, that I will strife for excellence and sincerity in my work.

It is not at all about how much I want to win the approval of a few well-regarded industry professionals and veterans. Even running the risk of sounding rigid and self-righteous, I’d say that I owe it to my job to put mere mortals aside and submit fully to the stage, and to the performing arts.

Fine, you may say, what is art without connection with humans, and audience?

If at all, I hope to convince my audience and colleagues that I am constantly working on my craft and what they see on stage is the very core of my heart. But frankly, I have no time to wait around and wait on their score papers – I have got work to do – working on my next entrance. 

Credits: Taken off Janet Lee's Facebook

We all need such an enironment...

Jesus said, "Give and shall be given to you." Life in the Kingdom begins with GIVE! What is it you need in life? Are you lonely, invite someone over who is lonely and will destroy the culture of isolation in your life. Do you feel powerless or devalued, empower and encourage someone else and soon you will feel valued and powerful. Are you unloved; proactively love others and soon you will feel loved.

You don't always get your needs met through the people that you are pouring into. Often these people are incapable of reciprocating. But God sees and He is the one who promised to give to us when we pour out on others. Put your trust in His ability to bless you not their ability to give back to you (although they sometimes do). - KV

Truth about Sex

Sex is a tridimensional experience; spirit, soul, and body. Sex was designed to be an act of intimacy that was a manifestation of a blood covenant. God provided the blood in the hymen of a women.

Paul shares this principle with Corinthians. He writes, Do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "The two shall become one flesh ." (1 Corinthians 6:16 NASB).

Obviously, Paul's example is a prostitute but the principle remains the same; sex was meant to make us one with someone. When you have intercourse with someone then go your own way, you leave a piece of yourself with that person and vise versa. Metaphorically, it's like glueing two pieces of wood together and later ripping them apart. Wood from each board remains on the other.

This results in both people not ever being whole again. Of course God can and does supernaturally restore people to wholeness when they repent! Yeah Jesus!

You can try and deny this reality but if you have had sex outside of covenant, you know by experience the struggle you are having.

Just because something is common doesn't mean it is normal!

Thank God for the Grace to restore us!!!!! - KV

Delibrate Practice!

While waiting for my vintage qi-paos to be re-adjusted at my regular alteration shop, I sat at the shop and read what confirmed my long suspicion of why my `hard work' doesn't `work'...

What makes some people extremely good at what they do?

A lot of hard work over a long period of time (approx 10 years or more)?
Yes and no. This is a a study of a huge contradiction...

We all know of many people in our fields who has been working or doing the same thing for many years, you would have expect them, to be an expert and really excel at what they do, with their experience and exposure of the craft - and yet they are not an expert nor they are the top people in their game.

And then there are those who are recognized by all their peers and other professionals & experts, and fans, to be extremely amazing at they do and they too, have spent years, hard at work, to get to where they are.

What separates these groups of people? Apparently "Practice does not makes perfect" :)

What does then? For a start, I would like to summarize what I have read in this chapter, to drum this into my own head, before I get off FB and drown myself further in the next chapter.

What makes `perfect' seems to base on the concept of "deliberate practice".

What deliberate practice is and isn’t – it isn’t what most of us do when we’re “practicing”. To many of my friends, I seem like the girl who works hard, is diligent, and practices a lot. To me, I know I still under practice and I have long suspected the way I practice is not getting me to a higher place. Reading this just now affirmed my suspicion. So I want to share with you, of what you may have already knew long before, or you may not.

The elements of deliberate practice:

- It is designed specifically to improve performance. Key word here is DESIGNED. In my case I definitely do not qualified to design my own practice and it explains why I really need my qualified teacher to coach me in structuring an efficient practice for myself.

- It can be repeated a lot.

- Feedback on results is continuously available. I quote the book, “You can work on technique all you like but if you can’t see the effects, two things will happen: You won’t get any better, and you’ll stop caring.”

- It’s highly demanding mentally. The `deliberate’ part of this kind of practice makes it demanding…practicing mindlessly you won’t need much effort and could probably do it all day but doing with high concentration and focus will tire you in one or two hours.

- It isn’t much fun. When am performing a song that I know really well, I have a lot of fun...that should really be a self reminder that I need to put in efficient deliberate practice into my newer songs, once the not-fun-at-all hard work is done, the fun on stage begins, the show kicks off. Deliberate practice is not fun because we are working on things we are not good at yet, identifying the difficult and painful things we don’t yet know how to do. Depressing yes? The consolation is that it has to be so, because if the syllabus of work that lead to greatness is fun and easy – then everyone would do them and there won’t be a way to distinguish the best from the rest. “The reality that deliberate practice is hard can even be seen as good news. It means that most people won’t do it. So your willingness to do it will distinguish you all the more.”

Now, after all that, in case you're wondering what am reading:
[Talent Is Overrated - What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else] - Geoff Colvin, senior editor at Large, FORTUNE

If you are interested to know more about deliberate practice, I urge you to read the book itself to get the full explanation of the researches and findings, and stories.

- Credits: This was taken off Janet Lee's Facebook.

What A God!

Psalms 18:30: "What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him Makes it." - The MSG Translation

ESTJ

Being an ESTJ, what you see is what you believe. That is fundamentally how you function. Primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. So basic on logic and whatever I am seeing or know, it contradicts with what I am hearing. This causes me to doubt, to think if everything you say is true or not. I'm not sure about my feelings because it feels like its being toyed by you. Yet you tell me things that I wanna hear and laugh at things I try to be funny about. I wonder is that the real you or is that you trying to act being interested. You dont reply messages (which I honestly dont understand what is so hard about that) or pick up my calls. I want to try loving you, as long as I can being apart but you are not making it any easier. I wonder why I always do such a thing to myself. It not that I dont wanna try, but you are really making it kinda hard. I am a very trusting person. I take you at face value. What you say to me is the truth, I dont think twice about it, but when it contradicts with what I see and what I know, I begin to doubt. And when I start doubting, I go a little crazy from over thinking. I dont know. Just ranting it out here so that if I see he signs coming, I better let go fast. I cannot afford to get hurt, though I allow myself to ever so often. Please be worth it, I've lost too many gems and I cant afford to anymore.

Passion

Passion is contagious. There is just something about a person who burns for something...who's bones are on fire...someone who lives with reckless abandon; that makes them incredibly attractive to me.

Personally, the little house on the prairie, life, is not for me. I wasn't born to make a living...I was born to make a difference.

Money doesn't motivate me...my soul is not for sale at any price. Don't get me wrong, I like nice things but I own them, they don't own me.

Death... I am not looking forward to dying (and I hate pain, so I would be a terrible martyr) but I am terrified of living without making a lasting, multi-generational impact on the planet. - KV

Jiro dreams of Sushi-?uestlove quest for it

The moral is: all you dream deferred cats ain't trying hard enough. Get a dream and COMMIT to that dream. Real commitment as in 8 hours a day prepping that dream for years until its a reality. - ?uestlove

Word!

2013

December has been good to me. Revitalized,  re-energised, re-focused, refreshed. But the moment I step into the second week of Jan, when I am back to KL, I am all back to square one again. Fear, decisions, anxiety everything came crashing back with a vengeance. Now I feel the need to do much more, but my brain aint too cooperative. The two main things I have to achieve this sem/year is to lose as much weight as possible (in a healthy way of course) and to gain as much technical proficiency/musicality as I can. I dont know where I am going for now. I dont know what I can do for now. All I know is that I gotta press in. Well, the her from before is drifting further and further away. We are friends and that's about it all. But here is a word from my favourite man and yes, its yet again a timely reminder for me.

"Sometimes you just have to keep going...I mean, just don't give up, don't melt down, do the opposite of what you feel.

It's days like these that I have to fight to be thankful, stop feeling sorry for myself, and not let my feeling dictate how I am doing.

I remind myself that it's a poor time to make a long term decision, tell someone what I am I really thinking, or buy something to help me feel better.

I just need a little time with God and a good nights sleep, Tomorrow will be a better day because I plowed my field of dreams today with faithfulness and perseverance.

Good nite friends. Sleep well" - KV