I know he is still lingering in your thoughts and you are about to swear off love altogether. Funny how now you meet more of my kind than the other huh? Life is funny. It always (more often than not) goes against our wants. I am just glad that now we are starting to talk. Maybe I'll have to take things real slow, skype now and then and see where this goes. I know now priority goes back to providing for your family again. Not that it wasnt before, but then life was easier having that love you wanted. Well, maybe you could try again soon, when you are ready. My love for you would always stick around. I really look to the day where you will come to me "manja-ing" after a day at work or just having a chat being you yourself. You have no idea how happy I am just to see you. It boost my morale straight away. To me, you are better than red bull or any boutique coffee. I think if anyone is feeling tired or moody, just think of someone whom you love and I think that would really keep you going. I never experience such a thing before till now. It feels great! I think that is how our love relationship with Jesus should be. He motivates and keeps us going. Knowing that perfect love keeps out all fear and that we can go that extra mile. I hope that this could be the beginning of something special and hopefully we'll eventually be together, one sweet day.
On another note, after talking to Joyce today I really am giving myself 5 more years to make it. By the grace of God I have to somehow make it. 5 years may seem a lot at first, but it really isnt. If by my calculations and prediction/projection, by then I should almost reach a professional level(semi-pro?). And by the 8th year, a full fledged career running. 3 more years to graduation. I hope to spend 1 year in US and 1 year in Bangkok. I know its kinda too much to have my parents supporting me still, but I am thankful to them for supporting me thus far in chasing my dreams and calling. I dont know what lies ahead. But I am confident in the Faithful One who has called me. Not by my abilities nor by my efforts, but by His Spirit and His will, all things will be made beautiful. I am excited. I really am.
Perfect Love conquers all fear. I will continue to persevere though its hard.
...Nobody said that it was easy, no one ever said that it would be this hard...
Monday, October 1, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Let it go
If somebody hurt you, let go of it, release them. That's one of the values of prayer. It helps you unload - Rick Warren
Sunday, September 23, 2012
I'm okay, any day
Its such a dreamy night. I am up cause I wanted to do some work, but now I'm just chilling the night away listening to dreamy songs. I think I'll start now and see how long I can stay up till. I miss her. Hate to think what she might be doing. But what can I do? We met at the wrong time, under wrong circumstances and with total different mindset and upbringing. Opposites attract? Yeah! But I think I love her more than she loves me. Nothing new huh? Ha! If its meant to be, it will. Trust Him.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Words of Encouragement
Guys you want to find favor with God? Get married!
Prov. 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Guys you want God to answer your prayers than treat your wife like a FELLOW HEIR of the same grace!
1Pet. 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered - KV
Romans 15:13 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all Joy and Peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." - Kari Jobe
Prov. 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Guys you want God to answer your prayers than treat your wife like a FELLOW HEIR of the same grace!
1Pet. 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered - KV
Romans 15:13 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all Joy and Peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." - Kari Jobe
Thursday, September 20, 2012
He is Love.
3 He was despised and rejected and forsaken by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief and sickness; and like One from Whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or have an esteem for Him. 4 Surely He has borne our griefs (sickness, weaknesses, and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains [of punishment], yet we [ignorantly] considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy]. - Isaiah 53:3-4
Times like these when verse of the day coincide with the current song I am listening to I know it is not a coincidence but He, who is powerfully at work. Though I may not feel like a winner, look like a winner, behave like a winner, I know He has won it all for me. By Him, in my weakness, that I might share His glory and be a winner. It might be like the world's standards, it might be not. But whatever the case, whatever the end result, by Faith, with Hope, in Love I shall be an overcomer. Amen.
Times like these when verse of the day coincide with the current song I am listening to I know it is not a coincidence but He, who is powerfully at work. Though I may not feel like a winner, look like a winner, behave like a winner, I know He has won it all for me. By Him, in my weakness, that I might share His glory and be a winner. It might be like the world's standards, it might be not. But whatever the case, whatever the end result, by Faith, with Hope, in Love I shall be an overcomer. Amen.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
How deep the Father's love for us!
So 2 days ago you whatsapp me, asking me how was I. Honestly, I was ecstatic to see your message. I thought maybe this could be the turn around. But as I chatted with you for 2 days, I realised that it was like the beginning. Nothing changed. Hey, I dont mind chasing you, but I know when I'm not getting through. I dont wanna reach a point where a single positive move made by you equates a whole victory like feeling on my side. I am so not gonna be like what happened before. Once bitten, twice shy.
So you texted me to ask about me only. What's that supposed to mean? I know you are sad because of him and need time to get over, yeah, I get that too. And then you want me to talk to you as a friend only but you hardly even respond. Oh, maybe I forgot to tell you that I dont know how to treat you as a friend cause to me you are more than that. Or maybe, I dont even know what you want from me? I know I am being friend-zoned, but then what is these talk about liking me before? A lie or a "I like you as a friend..." thingy?!
In the past, if someone would to ask me this question, "Who would you choose? Someone who loves you or someone you love?" I would answer confidently, "Of course the one who loves me." But today, I cant say the same. The one who loves, or rather, I would prefer to use the word like, me is someone I dont deny is ok. Just that in my heart, there is no space for her while the one I love is still lingering around.
While on this note, every girl (well I can say almost every, since there isnt many anyway) that I have seriously chase and was in love with (not just a crush and all you know) has a special place in my heart. Some more, some less, but I never ever forget what I liked about them, what made me fell in love with them. My memory seems super good at this and my heart (I like to think I have super amount of love, HAHA!) is large enough to hold them all. Even if some of them are now just a memory, the thought about anyone of them still cause me to smile.
I am not angry or anything here. I just need to let it out, talk it out, let things not bottle up inside cause I have no idea when I might explode from the 1001 thoughts that are running about in my mind. I have so many contrasting views here and there but the One I seek answer from is totally silent. I'm sorry Daddy I've not been the best boy or doing things the right way. But You know my heart is for You. Its yearning for You. I have many excuses to say why I am not doing this or that, but I just need You. Help me and remind me each and everyday.
You know, I am trying not to fall too deep in love with you. Cause I am very sure I heard the Word correctly, none till your studies is over. Yet time and time again, I fail. I chase, I fail, I fall flat. In this case she might not be a choice of a wise man, yet I chose her. I cant seem to fill my mind with music and work related stuffs only. You pop in every now and then, as if a haunting that I cant get rid of.
But if you and I worked out, I know that that would be the most beautiful story ever told in my life. I believe that it would be a touching testimony for many. I dont know what you may think, but I believe that you would be as grateful as I am to a God who is so loving and forgiving, Maker of all things new, the Perfecter of Faith and the saving One. I can only imagine who it would be like, standing with you at the aisle, exchanging our vows and rings. I dare to say this again. If you werent so pretty or had a good figure, knowing you and your heart was beautiful enough for me. I might be blinded by your beauty for now, but I know your heart. I felt it. I know its real. Sadly it just isnt meant for me yet.
I once saw a quote: "Keep a journal - record your thoughts and dreams there. Its a place for you to declare to the universe and write your dreams come true." This blog, journal whatever, was meant for this. A place to help me remember all that has happened and gone by. A place where I can shout without hurting anyone. A place where I can state my dreams and declare it into the atmosphere. A place where I hope words becoming worlds. Not every words here, but you know what I mean.
A friend tweeted this line from a song: How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure!" The following line of the song is: "That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure." I dont know why, but after seeing that tweet I feel so convinced, so in need of His love and forgiveness that I went to youtube and listened to that song over and over again. It spoke to my heart something, something that my mind cannot comprehend.
Sure, its hard to be friends with someone you are in love with. But Jesus is a friend who is forever in love with you. If you like to, you can receive His love. Its FREE!
"Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom"
So you texted me to ask about me only. What's that supposed to mean? I know you are sad because of him and need time to get over, yeah, I get that too. And then you want me to talk to you as a friend only but you hardly even respond. Oh, maybe I forgot to tell you that I dont know how to treat you as a friend cause to me you are more than that. Or maybe, I dont even know what you want from me? I know I am being friend-zoned, but then what is these talk about liking me before? A lie or a "I like you as a friend..." thingy?!
In the past, if someone would to ask me this question, "Who would you choose? Someone who loves you or someone you love?" I would answer confidently, "Of course the one who loves me." But today, I cant say the same. The one who loves, or rather, I would prefer to use the word like, me is someone I dont deny is ok. Just that in my heart, there is no space for her while the one I love is still lingering around.
While on this note, every girl (well I can say almost every, since there isnt many anyway) that I have seriously chase and was in love with (not just a crush and all you know) has a special place in my heart. Some more, some less, but I never ever forget what I liked about them, what made me fell in love with them. My memory seems super good at this and my heart (I like to think I have super amount of love, HAHA!) is large enough to hold them all. Even if some of them are now just a memory, the thought about anyone of them still cause me to smile.
I am not angry or anything here. I just need to let it out, talk it out, let things not bottle up inside cause I have no idea when I might explode from the 1001 thoughts that are running about in my mind. I have so many contrasting views here and there but the One I seek answer from is totally silent. I'm sorry Daddy I've not been the best boy or doing things the right way. But You know my heart is for You. Its yearning for You. I have many excuses to say why I am not doing this or that, but I just need You. Help me and remind me each and everyday.
You know, I am trying not to fall too deep in love with you. Cause I am very sure I heard the Word correctly, none till your studies is over. Yet time and time again, I fail. I chase, I fail, I fall flat. In this case she might not be a choice of a wise man, yet I chose her. I cant seem to fill my mind with music and work related stuffs only. You pop in every now and then, as if a haunting that I cant get rid of.
But if you and I worked out, I know that that would be the most beautiful story ever told in my life. I believe that it would be a touching testimony for many. I dont know what you may think, but I believe that you would be as grateful as I am to a God who is so loving and forgiving, Maker of all things new, the Perfecter of Faith and the saving One. I can only imagine who it would be like, standing with you at the aisle, exchanging our vows and rings. I dare to say this again. If you werent so pretty or had a good figure, knowing you and your heart was beautiful enough for me. I might be blinded by your beauty for now, but I know your heart. I felt it. I know its real. Sadly it just isnt meant for me yet.
I once saw a quote: "Keep a journal - record your thoughts and dreams there. Its a place for you to declare to the universe and write your dreams come true." This blog, journal whatever, was meant for this. A place to help me remember all that has happened and gone by. A place where I can shout without hurting anyone. A place where I can state my dreams and declare it into the atmosphere. A place where I hope words becoming worlds. Not every words here, but you know what I mean.
A friend tweeted this line from a song: How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure!" The following line of the song is: "That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure." I dont know why, but after seeing that tweet I feel so convinced, so in need of His love and forgiveness that I went to youtube and listened to that song over and over again. It spoke to my heart something, something that my mind cannot comprehend.
Sure, its hard to be friends with someone you are in love with. But Jesus is a friend who is forever in love with you. If you like to, you can receive His love. Its FREE!
"Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom"
Monday, September 17, 2012
You're the Only One
BoA, queen of K-pop, released a new single titled: Only One. I didnt know the meaning of the song but the melody sure is catchy. And here we have Jason Chen doing an english remix with lyrics that finally express what I felt for so long. Now this is her song, the one that says it all.
I feel released, set free. Finally the feeling deep inside is let out. Music sure heals the soul, sets one free and yea, that is what pop music is about, to relate to the mass out there.
Funny thing is that she whatsapp me just a moment ago how was I. Of course I was stunned, but it sort of felt like a nice chat after a while. My feelings for her? No change but I feel like that is some sort of closure. A chat that maybe would end things in the good way. I'm trying not to hope much. I just want her to be happy or find her happiness. I'm glad she told me she liked me. Sad the other guy didnt know how to treasure her. Oh well, at least I know now...
... you're the only, only one...
I feel released, set free. Finally the feeling deep inside is let out. Music sure heals the soul, sets one free and yea, that is what pop music is about, to relate to the mass out there.
Funny thing is that she whatsapp me just a moment ago how was I. Of course I was stunned, but it sort of felt like a nice chat after a while. My feelings for her? No change but I feel like that is some sort of closure. A chat that maybe would end things in the good way. I'm trying not to hope much. I just want her to be happy or find her happiness. I'm glad she told me she liked me. Sad the other guy didnt know how to treasure her. Oh well, at least I know now...
... you're the only, only one...
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