And so it is

I lie here in bed at 3:15am. 9hours away from my first class and 11hours away from my first exam this week. I am unprepared for this week's exam. All the prep work seem to be wasted. My mind cannot take in or absorb whatever that I have been trying to make it remember. I am at a loss. Never have I encountered something so hard. Its like everything I need to do I have to refer to my notes or having to try the sound before composing it. My head is in a mess. My drums skill is not on par with my level and my band class songs are not fully ready yet.

I travel yet again back to SG on the 3rd - 13th of Nov and right after that is the submission of projects and final exams. I am so NOT READY for this semester as it comes to an end. My mind is telling me to prepare for the worst, one more semester here in KL. Not that I really want to but I dont really have a choice if I fail any subject. I am so terribly scared that I need God. No, I dont say it as a plea for help, but that even from the beginning, I needed Him. It is a reiteration to tell myself that apart from Him I cannot do this.

I begin to wonder how or what motivates me? I am a very focused person (so I like to think). I do well when only one task is given to me. For example; if this whole semester I only have to do my drums and maybe Ear Training, I probably would do well. But then again, 2 subjects a semester would mean that I would take years to finish my studies. Or shall I just take everything and see which ones I fail and then repeat them? I hate the thoughts of failing or repeating,but music is one subject that relies fully on how much practice is put in. And every subject needs that kind of constant practice and hours put in. If I can find something to motivate and plan my time, I would like to try it.

So many times I tell myself, I am not here to have fun or socialize but I end up doing the opposite. And like now, I panic. So much time has been wasted and I end up with regrets. Oh Lord, please help me this exam. Send someone to teach me and guide me and let me clear all my subjects on time. I would not want to repeat or re-take a semester. I need You Lord, yes I am desperate!

Friends with Benefits? Not!

You know what's funny? I love setting up my life to screw itself up. Like how? Right now at 3 am, I decided to blog instead of getting some sleep. I have to be up at 845 tomorrow morning for a 10am class and 5 hours of sleep aint gonna do me any good.

Ok why am I blogging? Cause I've just watched a pretty nice movie. Friends With Benefit. Well, while Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are both super duper crazy hot, and the show had lots of sex in it, no thats not what made it good. What really did made it good was how this show addressed something deep within me.

Like the show, I would like to have a girl who is extreme. I like her to have dreams about fairy tales and prince charming but is clear-headed and real at the same time. Who acts strong on the outside yet emotionally soft on the inside. Who for one moment may joke and be an ass but at the next, curling up in your arms and soaking in that silent support. I like her to be above all, my best friend.

Its funny how before this, I was gonna blog about me liking girls who arent the leading lady. Girls like Summer in OC as opposed to Marissa, Or Blair as opposed to Serena in Gossip Girls. But I didnt cause I dont know how to carry on. Its like I know I like them but I cant explain or seem to tell you why. Its just like this.

But really, I wrote this post to remind myself who not to go for. Dont settle for anyone else other than a girl who can be my best friend and girlfriend at the same time. In fact I think I'll fall in love with a female version of me, though many (I myself included) would find that disgusting/disturbing/whatever :P But seriously, I gotta find that someone who I can be happy with all the time (or at least most of the time). Well I did found one, but sadly, we werent meant to be. Anyhow...

And one more thing this post is supposed to remind me of is this: SEX COMPLICATES EVERYTHING! So dont, dont ever have pre-marital in or out of a relationship. It never does any else except to complicate things and leave guilt/scars behind.

So, what is the moral of the story? Wait till you find someone who can makes you laugh with her smile and who can hear your thoughts even though both of you are just sitting in silence. And never let sex complicate your relationships. It never does anything except screwing things up (literally). And when you do get to hold her. Dont let her go without a fight, cause somethings are worth fighting for.

Say whatever you want

The reason that I am studying music not for anyone else but for myself and for the plans that God has for me. So with every improvement, no matter how big or small, I am honouring my teachers, my parents and God Himself. As long as I keep improving, I'm one step closer to my goals.

What are you living for?

I wanna live for that moment, when all else fades, when nothing else matters; no past, no future; in that moment, its just You and me: My bridegroom has come.

Though many things can feel like it, they are substitutes; inferior pleasures. Help me to differentiate these from the real thing. And till I see you face to face, keep my heart pure for You.

Pretty, Brainy, Nerdy, Funny!

Yea, that's what I realised I'm attracted too. I know often I judge by the looks only, but somehow I have been quite accurate at reading people. Co-incidence? I dont know, but I know what I like. Well as they say, like and love are two different things, so dont judge me by what I like. I just wanna like what I like. *Click*